Telling the truth about how I feel and speaking up about what I want are not struggles I have had since I entered this world. Granted I’ve been through phases and relationships where I find it more difficult to communicate, I am largely an outspoken outgoing individual. Early on in my husband and my dating life my mother made the comment that perhaps she failed to build a filter into my little brain. It has been both a blessing and a curse and navigating the balance has been enough work to keep me busy in this life.

I have learned that not everyone can say what’s on their mind with ease. It was difficult for me to understand why people couldn’t just say what they needed. But after years of working with people I have come to realize it is a real challenge for many.

While I am grateful for this gift life has given me, just because I can say what’s on my mind doesn’t mean I have figured out how to do it well. Sometimes I open my mouth to say something and it comes out sounding pretty damn rude! I rarely mean to be a jerk but my tone and choice of words are often lacking.

This happened recently with a stranger who came over to ask me a question. I was caught off guard and responded harshly without thinking. I tried to backtrack when I heard the words leave my lips but I doubt it was enough to make up for my sharp tongue. I was embarrassed because it was witnessed by a friend and I mumbled something like “Wow, I think that sounded way worse than I meant it to”

And so as per usual when I have a human moment, I agonized over it that day and into the next. Thankfully many times when I speak before thinking or lose my cool I can apologize because it’s happened with someone I know. With this particular stranger I had no way of reaching him. I was bummed to think he would be walking around without the knowledge that I’m not really that awful.

I was left with only one thing to do really. Forgive myself first. We all experience foot in mouth moments and sometimes they are at the expense of others feelings. Dwelling on it and feeling badly about myself wouldn’t get me very far. So I forgave myself and vowed to work on finding more space. If speaking before thinking is my pattern then pausing and feeling before responding is my work.

And a little while later I told my husband about it and we both laughed at how ridiculous I can be. I figure it shouldn’t be so hard not to be an asshole but this class is almost always on my Earth school curriculum.