This topic has been on my mind for some time now. 2020 further brought to my attention something I had been feeling for awhile; not all wellness professionals are the same. Before I say more, let me first apologize for writing this before I have a complete grasp on my own feelings about this topic. It feels important for me to say something that might be incomplete than to say nothing at all.

I was introduced to yoga when I was 17. My maternal grandmother invited me to join her at the Y and I was hooked from the start. I loved it and the way it made my subtle body feel before I even knew what that was. I also watched the clock and felt that the 90 minute class went on forever. But I still wanted more of not just yoga but anything that made me feel connected to myself. In my twenties I found Healing Touch and Reiki. Cue more energy expanding and mind blowing experiences. I jumped in feet first (more likely heart first) to all things healing/spiritual/energy. I’ve since built this into my daily rhythm and my approach when it comes to my work as both therapist, yoga teacher and energy healing practitioner.

The list of “weird” or rather non mainstream things I have done and enjoyed as part of this community is long. Yoga festivals, ecstatic dance, healing sessions, drum/song circles, crystal healing, moon circles, essential oils, sweat lodge and certainly some things I am forgetting. And I’ve not just done this as a participant but as a facilitator as well. I taught Reiki for 8 years and loved it so much. I have had so many wonderful experiences teaching Reiki and my previous students are some of the most treasured humans in my life.

Here is where it gets a little sticky. At some point along the way (and I am still processing the details) I started feeling “icky” at many of these events. Where I used to feel like the folks in the room were “my people,” I was now left with a sense of judgement and distaste. Much of the language that I had been using myself now sounded inauthentic when coming from certain lips. It wasn’t across the board but it was happening often enough I started wondering if I was missing something. Why did these practices and people that opened me to some wonderful experiences start to make me feel like a stranger in the room?

January 2019 was the last time I taught a Reiki class. I had long been pulled to take a break from teaching but I resisted. I love to teach so much and found great fulfillment in that part of my life. But something was calling me to step back. At first I told myself it was my desire to start a family (something I had been trying to do for many years at that point) but the more I sat with it the more I realized that something didn’t feel right about me teaching an ancient Japanese healing technique. I love Reiki and energy healing and actually do my very best to honor where it came from. I know my knowledge of it is likely white washed because of the way it came to the west, but I always recognize the roots of the practice to the best of my knowledge. But still, it’s not my practice to share. Cultural Appropriation was just not something I knew anything about when I first started studying. I only knew that I was feeling more connected to myself and the Universe than I ever had before. I’m still untangling this dilemma and don’t know where I will land, but I’ve committed to learning more about what it means to decolonize my practices. This also includes teaching yoga, something I’m re-evaluating my participation in as well.

2020 was both a shit year and a year of illumination. As it turns out some of these so called wellness people also happened to be hard core Trumpers wrapped up in the absolute nonsense of the QAnon cult. My purpose here is not to share details about QAnon but there are some great articles out there that dive in to why many of the wellness/yoga people of the world fell for this particular brand of bullshit. Some of these same people are also at the helm of the anti-mask, COVID denying bunch. At first folks were subtle about their beliefs in this arena but as the election grew nearer and the pandemic raged on they got a lot louder. Shock and dismay were high on my list of reactions which resulted in immediate unfollows on social media and vows to no longer support or interact with these individuals.

I feel grateful that some of my absolute favorite teachers who I have had the good fortune of learning with in person were equally outspoken in the opposite direction. Folks like Seane Corn, Hala Khouri and Suzanne Sterling whose yoga has always been political were at the forefront of dispelling disinformation and Elena Brower (who is so well loved by me but had previously often been silent around these things) started using her voice and platform in a big way. But, a lightbulb moment came through a series of Facebook posts by former OBGYN turned spiritual writer and healer Lissa Rankin. I had long been a fan of hers but my esteem skyrocketed as she not only called out the dangers of the wellness QAnoners but also put a name to the pattern of spiritual bypassing that’s happening to cause this disconnect in the community.

I knew the definition and concept of spiritual bypassing but reading Lissa’s well thought out although never succinct (a girl after my own heart, she is not short on words) description of the role spiritual bypassing plays in the spiritual and wellness communities answered a lot of questions. I realized through her posts and my own self reflection that it was the “love and light,” “toxic positivity” and “good vibes only” folks who tainted the spiritual world for me. The ones who pushed away any negative emotions, spouted oneness and spirituality over anything else, didn’t recognize systemic racism, white privilege, or the stealing of and white washing of practices that left a bad taste in my mouth. And as I also found out some of these same people felt Trump was a light worker set to free us from underground evils that were being covered up by celebrities and politicians alike. That icky feeling I had been having started to make a little more sense.

My own spirituality definitely got its start with a strong sense of spiritual bypassing. Everything was so great when I found these practices that made me feel connected. I was all about the love and light and feeling that we were all one. And to be fair, I still believe this in theory. Of course I want us to recognize our inherent oneness and connection. But in reality our practices are not serving the wholeness of our community if we don’t also recognize the ways in which we are different. We are far from equal and in order to get to a place where all are considered and welcomed we have to make space for difficult emotions, harsh realities and the necessary actions that have to follow so that maybe one day we can all live as one.

Spiritual bypassing stopped working for me personally when my own life got more real and more difficult. A big way that this showed up was my long struggle with infertility. My husband and I started trying to get pregnant before we even got married. I had no idea the ride we were in for. It was one of the hardest things I have faced in this life and even now that I have my daughter, the pain still lingers. In the beginning, my meditation and yoga practices were a balm that soothed me but the longer things went on, the less helpful they seemed. I could only set intentions and work on manifesting myself as a mom for so many months (and years) in a row before it started to feel inauthentic. I also tried every holistic practice without even a glimmer of hope that anything was working. What ultimately got me pregnant was science, lots of time and money and some serious luck. I also happen to think acupuncture, diet, herbs and support from unseen helpers and guides played a part but those alone did not do the job. I could not use spirituality to bypass the heart break that was unexplained infertility.

What this means for my practices moving forward is a healthy dose of discernment. Not everyone engaged in wellness is the same or working toward the same goal. I have empathy for the part of myself that fell into spiritual bypassing tendencies. We all just want to feel good in life and sometimes ignoring difficult truths is one way to accomplish that. If we could all just meditate our way out of negative emotions and not have to be accountable for the ways in which our own behavior contributes to suffering I think we would all sign up for that. But, that’s not the reality of this world or this work. If one is truly called to share wellness and facilitate healing it has to include those folks on the margins, the ones who have been treated unfairly and who have limited access to resources. That includes those cast aside parts of ourselves as well.

So moving forward I will NOT assume just because you teach yoga/meditate/use crystals/talk about energy/do weird shit during the full moon that you and I are the same. Instead I will ask if your wellness includes Black Lives Matter, the LGBTQIA community, Cultural Appreciation and giving credit to indigenous individuals and communities. Do you consider and include the most vulnerable populations with your offerings and your decisions about your business? Does your wellness recognize your own privilege and the ways that it shows up in your work in the world? If the answer to these questions is no, then we are most definitely not the same kind of wellness professional.