I Do….And I Don’t

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One week from today I am getting married! Who knew I would be so excited about something I wasn’t even sure I wanted. My opinion about marriage has varied over the years; much of the time I didn’t think it was for me. Mostly out of fear that it would end in divorce like my parents and so many others. But after 6 happy years with my man, a lot of heart healing and soul searching, and a few serendipitous events, I am thrilled to be saying yes to the institution of marriage. Don’t get me wrong, we will still do things our way which is usually far from traditional. Starting with a small family ceremony where I will be wearing every color but white.

I also recently came to the conclusion that I don’t want to do therapy anymore, at least not the way I had been doing it. It feels like a breakup of epic proportions. This truth hit me during a yoga class and my eyes immediately filled with tears. It is no surprise to me that anytime I look at job postings for hospital work, it makes me feel like I’m having trauma flashbacks. I knew my last job was really dragging me down; hell everyone knew it.  But, I’m talking I don’t even want to do the private practice work that actually was nourishing. I decided not to renew my membership to the National Association of Social Workers. The thing is I still stand by the mission and core values of the Social Work profession and yet I’m turning in my social worker card.

The end of my single life will be replaced by the beginning of a new adventure of wedded bliss. What I thought was the destination to my career path turns out to only be a springboard into the unknown. One feels exciting and love-drenched while the other feels scary but ripe with opportunity. I honor them both as they have shown up in my life and trust that the unfolding will be perfect.  Death and Re-birth are all part of the cycle of life. I call upon the courage to let die what needs to die in order to make room for new growth. Just like nature brings forth new life after the bleak of winter, I can’t wait to see the beauty of what blooms.dafodils

Energy Healer Heal Thyself: A Self-Care Technique

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Since moving up north I have been hosting a Women’s Circle each month at the new moon. It’s been a great way for me to meet some new people and connect in a sacred way. I love facilitating the group and being nourished by the lovely women who show up each month. This month the focus was on self-care and self-love and I led the group through an energy healing technique to open the circle and ground. I was reminded of the importance of doing this on a regular basis for myself. I often find myself laying hands on my own body for various imbalances and ailments but I had not done a formal self healing in awhile. It helps balance out the body and energy system and can be done as often as you like. And since I fully believe that we each have the ability to heal ourselves, it was a good reminder for me.

It’s a great way to start or end your day or any time you feel like you need to relax or energize. The great thing about energy work is that you will get exactly what you need each time. There are versions of this in various traditions and they are all slightly different but I encourage you to let your intuition be your guide on this one.  The Reiki self-healing technique starts at the head whereas the Healing Touch self connection starts at your feet. But, depending on how you feel from day to day, you could start at your belly.

Start by taking a few deep breaths and get comfortable seated on a chair or on the ground.  Imagine that you are growing roots like a tree and feel yourself grounding. Set the intention that this healing will be for the highest good of all concerned and that you will receive everything that you need whether you know what that is or not. If you have the time and space you can light a candle or some incense and play soft music to set the mood but any time you can devote to this is fine.

Next start by placing your hands somewhere on your body. Again you can start at your feet and work your way up, the reverse of this, or any which way you like. If you are experiencing pain somewhere you could start there. As you place your hands bring your attention to this area of the body and imagine sending healing energy. This could be in the form of an affirmation, gratitude, imagining white light, or love. If you have learned any symbols associated with energy techniques or have something else that resonates with you, feel free to use that as well. Make sure you keep breathing throughout and imagine the fresh oxygen is flooding the area where your hands are.

Spend as much time as you think you need at this first spot and then move on when you feel ready. It feels nice to keep your hands connected as much as you can so during transitions either move one hand at a time or slide to the next position. You can decide what spots to include along the way and it might be different every time. It’s great to hit the 7 main chakra points but there are so many other options and all are beneficial. Take 5-10 minutes or 30-45; any amount is perfect. Also, if there is a spot that you can’t comfortably reach you can imagine you are touching that spot. The saying in energy work is “energy flows where attention goes” or “action follows intention” so simply just envisioning the spot you want to give some love to will do.

PG_ChakraSign

http://www.sage-thyme.com/what-are-chakras/

End with gratitude for yourself and all the helpers and teachers in your life (angels, ancestors, guides, animals, etc) and take a few more deep breaths. Bring back the tree root visual or anything else that helps you feel grounded and give yourself time to transition to your next activity. Make sure to have some water and check in with how you are feeling emotionally and physically. Sometimes you will feel refreshed and relaxed but other times this may bring up agitation or irritability. If negative feelings are strong or lasting and/or you are having trouble grounding try to get outside and put your bare feet into the earth. Repeat as often as you like!

Hopelessly Devoted

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The trees are calling me.

“Hey you. Yes you. Come play with us!” And yet some days I resist. Yes, it’s colder up here but I have a new coat and heaps of scarves. I have some of the most amazing trees in my own neighborhood including a pair of really tall beauties right down the block. They have such great energy!

Some days I think I forget that I’m no longer confined to an office under fluorescent lights all day. Like an animal who has been captive for so long, it takes them awhile to adjust to their freedom. I want to be wild again though and that means devotion to the trees. devotion to nature as a temple and devotion to my own health.

I’ll see you outside!

Radiant Beauty

Radiant Beauty

 

Power and Balance

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Power and Balance were the words I chose for my 2014. The process of choosing them is pretty simple; before the year starts I take the first thing that comes to mind provided that the words feel good to me. I have no idea how they will play out but I just trust that they are perfect.

Power

I have to admit, this word surprised me a little when it showed up. Power sounded harsh but I realized it’s because we have been conditioned to see power and the abuse of power as inextricably related. I know that we all are powerful beings who sometimes forget this universal truth and shrink when it comes to using our power in a positive way.  I wanted to feel powerful in a way that affirmed my skills, my confidence and my personal empowerment. Power showed up for me in several ways this year. I felt powerful as a teacher. I taught a weekly yoga class and I taught several reiki classes. In both I felt the power of sharing information and being open to learning more with every step of my teaching. I felt the power of knowledge in several classes that I took on yoga, reiki, meditation, therapeutic techniques and language. There is power in possibility and I came up with many directions I can take my business and my offerings to the world.  The power of sisterhood continues to floor me and I am grateful for all the wonderful connections I continue to nurture. I got engaged this year and felt immense power in the love I share with my fiance and also in embracing my divine feminine nature. Previously I felt that I had to show my power by being independent and not needing anyone else. I have since learned that there is power in partnership. Being open to a role that you are hardwired to play and that compliments another person is an awesome display of power.

Balance

Finding balance is something that we are all seeking (right?!) and a word that we therapists throw around like a Sunday football. Work/life balance, balanced diet, balance in yoga practice, balancing time alone and time spent with others. I could go on and on about our use of this word but guess what?  I call bullshit! My apologies to clients who have heard me talk about this and believed me. Don’t get me wrong, I still think it has a use and is important in our seeking peace and calm in life but sometimes things are just messier than that. Sometimes balance in the traditional sense just isn’t possible. My year was all over the place when it comes to balance. I was stuck in a job that was sucking me dry, begging for a way out. Now I’ve quit my job, moved to a new place and the scale has completely tipped. The only thing I have to worry about now is what yoga class to go to and what I am making for dinner. No more grouchy nights and self-loathing mornings. This feels much better of course but I also know things will shift. I will start working again and it won’t be as effortless to get to my meditation cushion each morning. So yes, balance is important but I’d like to redefine it as an always moving, work in progress that we never quite master. And, I’m totally ok with that!

My words for 2015 have been mulled over a bit and what sticks are Faith and Flow. I can’t wait to see what the year ahead brings. May 2015 bless you all with whatever your soul calls for.

 

Yes to love!

Yes to love!

Reiki Sisters

Reiki Sisters

Small kitty in a big new place

Small kitty in a big new place

Healthy Happy Holidays

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There is no denying it now…the holidays are here! This time of year can be joyful and fun but can also come with stress, sickness and obligation. Here are my best tips for making the most of it and staying sane:

Emotional/Energetic Health

*Hell yes or no! – When you are asked to attend that party, bake 12 dozen cookies, shop the crowds, etc, etc take a moment to ask yourself if you really want to go. If your whole self doesn’t say “hell yes, that sounds awesome” then say no. It is easy to get overwhelmed with plans and then feel drained. Do only what nourishes you. I understand that some family obligations may not be a hell yes but you still have to or want to go. I get that, but minimize this as much as possible and if a family gathering is really not going to be in your best interest, give yourself permission to say no to that also.

*Get quiet & relax– nature dictates this as a time of year to go within ourselves and reflect. The days are shorter and the weather is getting colder. It’s natural to want to stay home and cuddle up but this has been made into the busiest time of the year for many. Make time to sit in meditation, take a gentle yoga class or just lounge around and watch Netflix.

*Loving-kindness – Being around family (or not having family) can stir up old hurts. Ram Dass wisely says “If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family” We can easily get caught up in re-living the past, the unsavory political dinner conversations or feeling attacked for your life choices. The ancient practice of loving-kindness can shift this feeling in you in the moment or over time. There are different versions of this, some more adapted for Westerners but it goes something like this. You can do this formally in meditation or say this to yourself toward someone during an encounter with family. Another thing that I like to do if I am struggling to listen or relate, is to imagine energy flowing from my heart to theirs. In whatever practice you choose, remember to first love yourself!

*Fresh air/nature – We end up being inside more this time of year but don’t forget to get some fresh air and connect to nature. This helps us stay grounded and reduces stress. Getting your bare feet in the earth may not be an option but make contact with a tree trunk and feel the energy flow. Tree hugging is a thing and it’s good for us! 🙂

Physical Health

*More H2O – It’s easy to forget to drink water when it’s no longer warm outside but your body needs water in the winter too. Drink just as much water, if not more, than you would during the warmer months. I like to start the morning with warm lemon water with a dash of cayenne pepper. It helps me to start drinking water in the morning so I continue the trend throughout the day.

*Essential oils – I have several go-to oils for my health. Thieves, peppermint, oregano and lavender are my recommendations. Thieves is great for sickness prevention and keeping the immune system strong, peppermint and lavender are the best all around oils for a long list of things and oregano is natures antibiotic. I use the oils topically, diffused and internally. Make sure you have therapeutic grade in order to ingest them, not all oils are created equally. I use Young Living but there are other brands out there that are high quality as well, please do your research.

*Green smoothies/juices – I love veggies as much as the next girl and I cook with and eat them often. But for me, the best way to get tons of green goodness into my system is to make a juice or smoothie. Lately I have been giving my Vitamix a lot of love and have a formula that I more or less follow.

80/20 veggies to fruits and fruits that are low on the glycemic index like apples and berries (many folks make the mistake of making a very fruit forward creation that is high in sugar), vary your greens and veggies, water as base instead of fruit juice, chia seeds, spirulina, cacao for a treat, fresh ginger, cinnamon, cayenne. Winter is typically a time for soups and stews which I say yes to as well but I add the ginger, cinnamon and cayenne to bring that warming quality that we desire in the winter. I happen to love ginger and include it most of the time anyway but especially in winter.

*Vitamins/herbal supplements – Putting good food in your body is critical but I also take certain vitamins and herbs to ensure I stay well. A good quality multiple is helpful but I also take a B complex, vitamin D (more during the winter), vitamin C (extra if I feel under the weather) and Maca root when I need an energy boost. I also drink herbal tea regularly and either buy loose leaf or the Traditional Medicinals brand that is most often organic and is formulated by herbalists. This blend of things is what helps me most but every body is different. As my good friend and health coach says “if your supplements don’t make you feel better, it’s just expensive urine” Explore and find out what works best for you.

Spiritual Health

*Sing, dance and be merry – Let the spirit of the season envelop you. If you don’t love it all, choose what you do love and go with that. Song and dance have great power and when done correctly (correct = whatever you resonate with) can be a spiritual experience. Move your lips and your hips and do it with love.

*Celebrate ceremoniously – Holiday traditions are sometimes deeply rooted or newly minted. Find something fun about this time of year and make it sacred. If what you’ve been doing isn’t working or no longer fits your mold, change it! Ceremonies are important but only if they make you feel awesome. I love getting out my holiday decorations and looking at my recap of last year and hopes and dreams for this one – I keep them in the decoration boxes. I also have this great collection of sweet collectors bears that make me smile year after year.

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be free from suffering. May this holiday season be filled with joy and love.

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Occupying the Void

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I just moved to San Jose from San Diego, where I lived my whole life. I have been here 2 weeks today. Unpacking kept me pretty busy the first week but moving into the second week there has been less to do and more time to not do.

I’ve been reading “Spiritual Growth” by Sanaya Roman. It’s the third in a series and is one of those books that takes awhile for me to read because I read a little and then think about it, and hopefully integrate it into my life in some small way. Last week I read a chapter about the concept of ‘the void.’ She talks about the void being this space in between, where it may seem that you are doing nothing but actually you are doing so much. In the void there is a lot of letting go, expanding and preparing to soar to new heights. The void is about transition and opening up to different possibilities.

This really resonated with me. I am in the void right now. I am not working nor do I quite know what I want to do next. Don’t get me wrong, I do not feel we should identify ourselves by whether or not we are employed and where, but it was a big part of why I was recently feeling unfulfilled. For me, the void is also leaving behind all that I knew: friends, familiarity, family.

It doesn’t always feel that I am doing much on the outside but I am leaving behind a life that wasn’t serving me in some ways. I am allowing that life to fall away so that I can fully embrace whatever is next for me. I’m in a position of extremely good fortune in that I do not have to work or really do anything right away. I can embrace the void and see where it takes me. Trust me, it’s not always comfortable or easy but I am owning and occupying the void. And I am so grateful.

“Not-knowing can be the doorway to true knowing”
“Living in the void can be stimulating, challenging and expansive” Spiritual_Growth

Let Go or Be Dragged

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I’m moving to San Jose.

Those are 5 words I never ever thought I would say. Moving has not been on my radar at all, but this Native San Diegan is taking off for the Bay Area. In the past when I thought about moving, it was always to another country because I couldn’t imagine finding anywhere in the U.S. that I would like better than San Diego. I still think San Diego is pretty rad. It’s where I was born and raised and where all my family lives. But, sometimes the path we think we are on is different from the one we are actually living.

I’ve also been unhappy at my day job for more than a year.

That’s a phrase I have uttered and one that I have felt deep into the core of my being. But I stayed anyway. Why? Fear about sums it up.

Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear that I couldn’t find anything better. Fear that doing what I love wouldn’t pay the bills.

And so when I told a good friend that I was finally going to be able to give my notice she mentioned the Zen saying “let go or be dragged”. My yoga teacher and friend said “this is what will get you out of that job finally!” and countless others commented on how excited I must be to leave.

This upcoming move has left me no choice but to leave a job I have long since felt passionate about, but in turn I will be leaving behind many things I do love. I trust in the process though and I know that this will be a good move and that really I have been asking for this. Feeling stressed, coming home crying on a semi-regular basis and even shedding tears at work wasn’t enough to do it. So here I am with less than 2 weeks left at my job and no plan for what I will do when I get up north. My fiance was offered an amazing job opportunity and will be able to support the family (me, him and the cat) while I get settled.

And still there is fear. I have always worked and live in this paradigm where I have to support myself and bring in income. But, here is an opportunity to get my bearings, figure out what direction I want to go and trust that all will work out perfectly. I have so many passions and a deep desire to share them and so I step into this new journey knowing that I have to give up the life I planned in order to have the life that is waiting for me.

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Labor Day Lovespiration

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The inspirations for this blog always come from life. My life to be more specific, and often the themes and issues that I see in the lives of the people I work with. As we approach Labor Day and a wedding I will attend over the weekend, I can’t help but think of this little love story. Sometimes the hardest thing we do in life is let more love in.

3 years ago on Labor Day my partner and I decided to go to Seaport Village to play tourist in our own beautiful city. We walked around and then grabbed a snack but couldn’t find anywhere to sit. A couple offered for us to join them and we learned that their names were Pat and Kathy. He was a pilot for FedEx and was overjoyed that his wife was able to join him on a business trip for the first time ever. They told us about their kids and the wonderful life they had shared so far and then asked us about our relationship and if we planned to get married. My boyfriend spoke up and said “Oh, she doesn’t want to get married”

Pat shared that, like me, he had come from divorced parents and told Kathy from the start that he didn’t plan on marrying her. He said “we were together 5 years before we got married but I can honestly say marrying Kathy is the best decision I have ever made”  Cue the tears and the most tender “see it wouldn’t be so bad” look from my love. It was a special moment that I didn’t know would get even better. You could tell the couple was moved as well and Kathy said to Pat that it felt like a “vadeju.” She explained this to be a reverse dejavu and that once when they were our age they saw a cute older couple who had been together a long time. They both felt very inspired by this couple and hoped that one day they would be able to pay it forward. More tears. In fact, as many times as I have told this story I can’t do so without getting goosebumps and a little teary eyed.

We said our goodbyes, mentioned some things to do in San Diego and gave them our free zoo passes that we get for being members. As we walked away my boyfriend had the biggest grin on his face and I think he was sort of skipping (although that’s not terribly out of character) I told him he looked like he had won something. He promptly responded “Oh, I have!” You see, he knew as well as I did that they were placed in front of us for a reason. He barely even believed in that at the time but knew for certain that we were meant to meet them. Sometimes we wish we could find them and say thank you and maybe we will get to someday. But, more than anything we hope we get to inspire another couple down the road with our love and commitment.

My now fiance loves me more than I could ever explain but it has not always been easy for me to accept that love. It’s getting easier and easier and I definitely have Pat and Kathy to thank for that.

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Waterfall kissing in Ecuador

Nip Sickness in the Bud Miso Soup

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I have a handful of recipes that I make on a regular basis. Some of them are written down and others (like this one) I just throw together when I need. I always make this soup for breakfast if I wake up feeling a little off. It might be a sore throat or achy body but if my first thought is “oh no, I hope I’m not getting sick,” this is my go-to recipe. I always have what I need to make the bare bones of this soup and then I add extras according to what is in my fridge. I learned awhile back (when I kept pushing myself and got pneumonia in grad school) to take care of myself before I get really sick. This soup along with some extra relaxing and hydration usually does the trick.

Now, I know the verdict is out on whether soy is good or not. Many say no and my take is to eat only in moderation and to eat it at home where I can buy organic or only go to places where I know they source good soy products. Miso is a soy product but it is fermented which comes with added health benefits. It is good for digestion, is high in antioxidants, helps the body detox from environmental contaminants and is known to improve your immune system. It is also very high in sodium so not something that I eat everyday for sure.

Ingredients:

Measurements are approximate. I usually make only one serving and sort of wing it when it comes to how much. This is why I am a cooker and not a baker (precision is not my strong suit)

1 clove garlic chopped

1 inch ginger diced or grated

1 TBS organic Miso paste (I use white or yellow-red is a much bolder flavor)

1 tsp toasted sesame oil

1 tsp soy sauce

a couple squirts of Sriracha (if you like spicy)

veggies (mushrooms, zucchini, shredded carrot, spinach, kale, other greens, whatever you have!)

juice of 1/2 lemon

green onions

Preparation:

Heat sesame oil in saucepan over medium heat, add garlic and ginger and saute for a few minutes until soft. I usually add the soy sauce now since the grated ginger will sometimes stick to the pan and this de-glazes it a bit. Also add veggies (except greens) Cook for a few minutes. Add Sriracha if using.

Add 1 1/2-2 cups boiling water (I boil it in my tea kettle first because I usually want to get this in my body fast!) Let simmer for a few minutes.

Dissolve the miso in warm water and slowly add to the soup. You don’t want to add it directly to the boiling water, it can kill some of the health benefits. Also, make sure not to cook for too long after miso is added.

Add greens and simmer just until wilted. Turn off heat and add juice of lemon and chopped green onions.

Eat right away saying to yourself “this soup nourishes my body and gives me exactly what I need to stay healthy and happy” 🙂

Keep the basics in the fridge and add any veggies you have

Keep the basics in the fridge and add any veggies you have

 

Enjoy! YUM

Enjoy! YUM

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This little guy always make me feel better too! Cuddles with him while eating the soup are a bonus.

 

Coming Full Circle on Love and Relationships

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This Memorial Day weekend I went to Kansas City to celebrate the 2 year anniversary of becoming a Reiki master. It was great to come back to the place where so much healing happened and to reflect back on all that has changed. As I prepare to teach Reiki 2 this weekend I am reminded of the path I took and the beautiful life that I co-created. I can’t wait to watch the path of each of my students unfold as well.

The theme of the second level of Reiki is healing relationships; it is the level of love. When I took level 2 in 2012 I set the intention to release a few things that I knew I was still hanging onto. It wasn’t until just before I embarked on my Level 3/Reiki master journey that I truly understood what that meant though. I realized I was having a hard time releasing expectations from a past relationship and got some guidance that if I was not able to release this I would not be successful in my current relationship. After a lot of tears and soul searching I had some more clarity.

My college boyfriend and I had expected to get married, have children and have a happy life together.  We made a lot of promises that were not kept and the break up was terribly painful. Of course anyone who has been through a breakup likely knows this story. The love is true, the promises feel real, and the end is awfully raw and scary. There was no part of me that wished we had stayed together because I knew it would not have worked but nonetheless there is still pain in any loss.

So, I did what any self-healing healer would do. I took the promise ring that we shared with one another and I buried it in the backyard of the place where we stayed in a releasing ceremony under the full moon. All the Reiki sisters gathered ’round and took turns digging into the hard earth until we had a hole large enough to drop in the ring that was inscribed “to my future wife.”  And then we stomped on the freshly dug earth. There may have been some whoops and howling at the moon also. I can guarantee you there was wine.

Since that fateful night I have let more love into my life than I could ever imagine. And as I arrived into Kansas City for the second time I couldn’t help but have a huge smile on my face as I looked at the new ring on the finger of my left hand. I buried a ring and all the energy that went with it to make room for everything I have now, including a new future husband. As for that past boyfriend and all of the experiences we had: I don’t regret any of it and wish him well. I just hope he is happy and learned as much as I did from the time we spent together.

I had hoped to have another full circle moment to share for this post but alas the universe had a different plan in mind. So I remind myself that if it’s meant for me it won’t pass me by.

To love and healing and burying shit in people’s backyards! photo (18)