I used to love to write. At one time in my life I said I wanted to be a writer. I think I decided on writer after realizing perhaps singer with my own lemonade stand was not realistic enough. English was my favorite subject in school, I always received good grades on essays and even had fun writing them, especially if they were reflecting on books I enjoyed reading. I struggled with grammar sometimes, damn comma rules are confusing, but my teachers always told us you can do whatever you want with grammar once you are a writer!
I wrote countless short stories when I was younger that were quite creative and fun. I specifically remember a story with corresponding characters made from felt (the one artistic medium that was accessible to me as a non-artist!) about a crocodile and a mouse who became friends. I wrote poems and thoughtful messages in greeting cards to friends and family. I also had numerous pen pals who I exchanged actual snail mail with on a regular basis. I took a creative writing class in college in which I dissected a commercial and analyzed each detail about it, mostly pointing out the blatant sexism it displayed. I got a good grade on this paper and in the class and I was very proud of all of my work. It felt creative and a true reflection of my abilities.
I’m not sure when I realized that I no longer felt like a good writer. It became more clear to me when I started this website and blog. I would sit down to write and while I had things to say I didn’t feel like they sounded “good” or “creative” or like they came from a “writer.” I also once criticized my partner for writing in our travel journal as if he was writing a novel. I just documented the facts and he wrote all the details as if it were a story, a beautifully written story. His feelings were hurt and I was left wondering why I took a stab at his writing. His writing, by the way, played a big part in him wooing me early on in our relationship. It is good stuff and I continue to love the cards, texts and notes he writes me! As often happens in life, others reflect a mirror back to us of what we need to see about ourselves and our first response sometimes is to lash out. I was envious that he had this creative streak in him and I was left just stating what we did.
I have recently felt more drawn to writing and have had others tell me they see this in my path as well. This got me thinking, ‘when did I lose my writing mojo?’ I figured it out and have since been trying to re-write, so to speak, this part of my life. I started graduate school for social work in 2006 and have been doing this work ever since. Much of the coursework and writings had to do with connecting to people and supporting them through difficult life circumstances. And in the workplace client documentation looks something like this: “Client presents with depressed mood and congruent affect. She reports recent increase in crying spells and inability to get to work on many days. She has thought about suicide but does not have a plan or intent to act. No reported history of drug or alcohol use”
This kind of writing is the norm in the mental health community but holy crap is it boring! These notes are medical in nature and are meant to just report the facts. Well, no wonder I lost my creative spark writing this kind of thing all. the. time. Can you blame me?! I’m happy to say that thanks to starting this blog and becoming aware of when things went wrong, I am recovering from my boring, fact-stating, snooze fest writings. I don’t have to just identify as a social worker writing boring therapist notes. I can be many things including a writer. All this time I thought perhaps I had just gotten more and more dumb the longer I was out of school. But, as with anything it takes practice. Just as I can’t expect to remember any Spanish if I don’t practice, I can’t be a better writer unless I write. And so I have written a blog each month for just over a year and I can honestly say that I feel more comfortable than I did with my writing. And that same partner, who supports me even when I’m mean to him, says I have gotten better too!
Beautiful logo for my business crafted by my creative and supportive fiance
