10 years
10 years since I finished grad school
Gains and losses have passed the time
More grays, more wisdom, more softness
In the liminal space between opportunities
Discomfort paired with gratitude
All is unfolding perfectly
Trust the process
Find small joys
10 years
My words for 2015 were Faith and Flow. I choose them before the year starts without much of an understanding of how they will play out. I allow them to unfold organically and trust that I brought them into my awareness for a specific reason.
Faith
I got married this year. And as much of a beautiful experience and wonderful blessing it has been, it did take some faith on my part. Faith that marriage was going to work for me, faith in myself and in my partnership. For me allowing marriage into my life has been a long process that faith definitely played a part in. This is the first full year I have spent away from my hometown, family and friends. We moved up north at the end of last year and a lot of faith has gone into accepting this as the right move for my little family. I have to practice faith in my husband to be the provider; he makes it pretty easy luckily. We received a notice to move out just after getting back from our honeymoon and had to hold faith that we would find a great new place in time. We definitely did and are so much happier in this new space. But there are the things that haven’t fallen into place quite as easily, It’s the disappointments and unanswered prayers that require even more faith. 2015 did not bring everything I had hoped and it requires practicing constant and ongoing faith that all is happening in perfect timing.
Flow
I just love this word! To me it is a state of mind, body and spirit and where I am connected to my highest self. It is somewhere I want to spend more time but a place I find somewhat fleeting. This year I found my flow teaching yoga and reiki, creating and delivering a yoga and psychology themed workshop, leading women’s circles and taking some amazing trainings. I flowed with more singing and dancing this year both on my own and in my circles. Aligning my flow with nature is something I explored more both at home and during some fun travels. I flowed into my new role as wife and primarily stay at home wife, or Domestic Goddess as we call it at our house. I had moments of flow in my own yoga practice and flowed into a new dedication to a daily meditation. Flow was my state when planning and setting intention for some awesome things for next year. To me flow is an organic state that we must allow although some planning doesn’t hurt as long as we stay flexible. Like seaweed anchored to the ocean floor, flow allows us to move freely while being grounded in our truth.
My words for 2016 are Grounded and Fertile. I have some ideas of what I would like to see but I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds. Wishing you a prosperous new year with so much love and light.
My best nine from Instagram are a pretty good summary of 2015
The theme of my yoga class the other day was patience. Inspired by a section from Judith Lasater’s “Living Your Yoga,” we explored how yoga can help us cultivate patience both on and off the mat. Luckily life gives us many opportunities to practice.
My husband and I recently returned from a lovely honeymoon in Costa Rica to find out that we have to move. We quickly found a great place and will be moved by the end of the month.
Everything fell into place for this move without a hitch so I know it was all for the best. But what about the stuff that doesn’t come together so easily? What about the stuff that drags on – dragging you with it – without a positive end in sight? Is that also for the highest good?
That’s where patience and often a whole lot of faith and trust comes in. Sometimes we swiftly see the outcome of a situation and the reasons it worked out the way it did and other times it’s a much longer and more arduous process. I am trudging through the mud with some how-the-hell-do-I-know-this-will-all-work-out issues in addition to acquiring a fancy new place at lightening speed. Life is not always easy and effortless.
I offered the mantra “everything is moving at the proper speed” to myself and my students. It’s easy to curse the fact that we cannot determine the speed at which things move and their outcome. But what if we decide that everything is in fact progressing just as it should?
As we transition out of summer and into fall in the northern hemisphere, nature reminds us that things happen in perfect timing. The temperature begins to drop, darkness sets in earlier and earlier, and the leaves change color and fall just as they should. Nature does not question timing nor process and neither should we. Think of the seed who must first be buried in darkness in order to sprout up towards the light. Or the caterpillar who literally turns to goo in its cocoon before becoming a beautiful butterfly.
Those moments before transformation are scary and can seem to drag on forever. But if you have ever had to wait for something really good, be it a pose, a person or a purpose, you know that timing is relative and some things are worth it.
The park across the street from my current place – I will miss that view!
One week from today I am getting married! Who knew I would be so excited about something I wasn’t even sure I wanted. My opinion about marriage has varied over the years; much of the time I didn’t think it was for me. Mostly out of fear that it would end in divorce like my parents and so many others. But after 6 happy years with my man, a lot of heart healing and soul searching, and a few serendipitous events, I am thrilled to be saying yes to the institution of marriage. Don’t get me wrong, we will still do things our way which is usually far from traditional. Starting with a small family ceremony where I will be wearing every color but white.
I also recently came to the conclusion that I don’t want to do therapy anymore, at least not the way I had been doing it. It feels like a breakup of epic proportions. This truth hit me during a yoga class and my eyes immediately filled with tears. It is no surprise to me that anytime I look at job postings for hospital work, it makes me feel like I’m having trauma flashbacks. I knew my last job was really dragging me down; hell everyone knew it. But, I’m talking I don’t even want to do the private practice work that actually was nourishing. I decided not to renew my membership to the National Association of Social Workers. The thing is I still stand by the mission and core values of the Social Work profession and yet I’m turning in my social worker card.
The end of my single life will be replaced by the beginning of a new adventure of wedded bliss. What I thought was the destination to my career path turns out to only be a springboard into the unknown. One feels exciting and love-drenched while the other feels scary but ripe with opportunity. I honor them both as they have shown up in my life and trust that the unfolding will be perfect. Death and Re-birth are all part of the cycle of life. I call upon the courage to let die what needs to die in order to make room for new growth. Just like nature brings forth new life after the bleak of winter, I can’t wait to see the beauty of what blooms.