Category Archives: Gratitude

I Found God On My Yoga Mat

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I didn’t grow up religious. The rare church service I attended was with family or friends and it always seemed strange to me. We talked very little of God in my house. I didn’t pray. I knew I believed in something but it was not a well developed idea.

I found yoga when I was 17. It challenged me and made me curious. What was going on in my body and in my energy system I wondered. Why do I feel such bliss at the end?

I found God on my yoga mat in a Seane Corn class maybe 8 years ago. She asked us to call in the God of our own unique understanding. That was a game changer for me. I cried big alligator tears. Tears of truth and of love. I get to decide who God is to me? God was on my mat in that moment, God was in me and all around me.

A few years after that I went to New Hampshire on a whim for a weekend of kirtan (something I knew very little about) That first night I was moved the way I had seen people moved to tears singing hymns in church. This was a completely new feeling for me but it felt right.

There was such freedom in exploring a definition of God that transcended what I had been told. God didn’t have to be relegated to church or Bible stories. The word God actually made me uncomfortable for many years. I cringed when people mentioned God, religion or prayer.

Now I regularly seek divinity in all things. God can be found in the crispness of the early morning air, a beautiful flower or hummingbird. in the sweet kisses my husband gives me or in the sun setting over the ocean. And most especially on my mat when it’s just my practice, my body and the God of my choosing.

Off the Mat into the World training where I got to tell Seane (middle) that she brought God into my yoga.

Thank You San Jose!

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Three and a half years ago I found my way to San Jose. Just this week we moved back to San Diego. My husband and I took a leap for his job and decided to relocate to the land of tech opportunity. Much of the past few years have not unfolded the way we thought they might, but nonetheless it’s been perfect. As I close one chapter and step into another I would like to express my gratitude for the experience. I was born and raised in San Diego and had never lived anywhere else, so this was a big change for me. But San Jose delivered on many levels and made our time there sweet and memorable.

Some of the things that I will hold dear about this experience include:

The break I got to take from working. I was pretty burnt out when we moved and taking a year+ off of my social worker duties allowed me to heal and get back in with a lot more passion and heart.

My community! The first thing I did when I arrived was set up a meetup to gather women together. This started at my house, expanded to the local yoga studio and then turned into a podcast. Not only did I meet some of the most amazing women but I also solidified a new career path and passion. I am forever grateful to the goddesses I was graced with.

Yoga, all the yoga! The Bay Area definitely delivers in quality yoga classes and trainings. I was so blessed to get to participate in some rad yoga education opportunities. If you know me, you know learning is one of my favorite things and learn I definitely did.

The trees! When we first arrived I was in awe of all the different types of trees that the Bay offers. San Diego is somewhat limited to the palm varietal and a few eucalyptus so the beautiful trees were a real sight to me. Not only do you see trees everywhere you go but there are gorgeous state parks and natural reserves to explore. My husband and I went camping for the first time up there and also spent many weekends journeying around the area.

Our friends. We actually knew one couple up there from San Diego and I had some high school & college friends, but otherwise everyone we met came into our lives over these past few years. I crave social contact in the form of quality relationships and we met some really awesome folks. Fortunately most people are interested in visits to San Diego so I am looking forward to showing them all the good Mexican food šŸ˜‰

Financial security and debt relief. Honestly money was one of the driving factors of our decision to move. My husband had a lot of school debt and felt capped in his earning potential in San Diego. So while we do not believe money solves everything, we knew alleviating some debt now would set us up for a better future. We were able to pay off my husband’s student loans (so huge!) and save to hopefully buy a house in San Diego. This is such a gift!

My husband. This one is not specific to San Jose but our time here did illuminate even more why I love this guy. We were not married yet when we first moved, so living in San Jose made me a wife. Also, it was at my husband’s absolute insistence that made me agree to take a break from working (I guess he was tired of stressed out crying Jesalyn) This allowed me to be a house wife for a time, which I actually liked quite a bit. It also allowed me to eventually find a job that I was really passionate about.

I never would have predicted that I would leave San Diego but I am so happy that I did. It reminded me how important family is (I missed everyone so much!) and not to take for granted all the wonders that exist in my hometown (delicious food and beautiful beaches are the two I missed the most!) And now I have a home away from home that I can visit.

Conscious Giving

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The holiday season is always a tricky one for staying sane and taking good care of ourselves. The push to buy things we don’t need is high as well. Some of my favorite gifts that I have gotten and given have been experiences. Please remember gift giving is not necessary and sometimes the best thing we can do is offer our support, a smile, a well timed phone call or letter or a wonderful experience. But there are a few gems that have changed my life this past year and I would like to share them with you here.

Practice You: A Journal by Elena Brower – If you know me or have read my blog you know that I am a big Elena Brower fan. She shows up with such authenticity and has so much to offer the yoga community and beyond. She is responsible for me taking a serious dive into my relationship with creativity, something I have struggled with my whole life. This journal is an absolute work of art and will get you to connect to very tender parts of yourself. I highly recommend you buy a copy for you and some friends/family members. The price point makes it easy to share the love!

Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living by Krista Tippett – I love books and I love to read. My Amazon wishlist is 100% books and this one is truly masterful. Krista Tippett has a great podcast that I have been listening to and her writing includes snippets from her show including her own take on life themes and lessons. She talks about looking for “words that shimmer” which is exactly what I feel I’m doing when I read. I look for the passages that take my breath away and make me feel deeply. You will find plenty of those in this work.

Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decort – Card decks are another favorite of mine to buy and gift. I always bring a card deck for folks to draw from in my women’s circles and it is part of my morning routine to pull a card after my meditation. I found this deck earlier this year and was struck by the sweetness and the diversity of the art and characters. The regular Rider-Waite Tarot has never been that appealing to me so I enjoy finding decks that are a little less traditional.

Bucky HeartWarmer – This sweet pillow friend has been a happy addition to my self-care routine. There is something so soothing about placing this on my belly or my heart (or my cold feet!) in the evening or anytime I need some extra love and warmth.

Pelvic Liberation: Using Yoga, Self-Inquiry, and Breath Awareness for Pelvic Health by Leslie Howard – I have not finished this book yet but I was more than happy to contribute to Leslie’s Kickstarter to help get this book published and I can’t wait to learn all that I can as a woman and a yoga teacher. The doctors aren’t giving us the best information on this subject (mostly because their focus is on treating and/or normalizing pelvic health issues) so we have to educate ourselves and know that we don’t have to accept pain and discomfort. Any person with a female pelvis probably needs this book.

Essential Oil Containers – I make essential oil blends and I often get asked what I use. Abundant Health has been my go-to for all things oils. The products are good quality, they are affordable and they have good customer service. I mostly buy the roller balls and spray bottles for my blends. I have had some leakage with the roller balls but only with certain oil blends since each has a different viscosity. Make sure to always buy colored glass for oil blends – plastic is not a good idea because it breaks down and the tint helps with sun exposure. Happy blending!

Art by Lori Portka – I brought her Gratitude Cards several years back and have continued to enjoy her offerings. I also have the card deck that she and Kris Carr made together which is very sweet. The cards can be framed for your space or given to a friend. She just added pillows and totes as well.

I also know lots of amazing women (and people) who run businesses, make and sell things and are so worthy of supporting with your dollars. I am working on getting a women run businesses section on my Wildish Wise Women site so stay tuned (saying it here to keep me accountable!) I am sure you know awesome folks as well so remember to consider supporting them.

Favorite pages from Practice You

Favorite pages from Practice You

Busy But Blessed

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There was an article floating around awhile back that talked about how being busy has become a badge of honor. We live in a society where something is always going on. While I enjoyed the thoughtfulness of the article and agree with the precise, I still find myself busy a lot of the time. My awareness has increased and I now try to choose a different response than “busy!” to the question “how are you doing?” But it’s honestly a conscious effort not to blurt out how damn busy I’ve been for the past I don’t know how long. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a disease of my own creation or one that is inevitable in these current times. Most likely a little bit of both.

I am definitely on board for stopping the glorification of busyness but I also have so many things I want to do in this life. I have many passions and they all require that I cram multiple events into my life. Trainings that I both take and teach, time with friends, travel, exploring locally, and spending time with family. This past month has been a whirlwind of weekend activities and evenings out. But it’s all been so good and so worth my time. My body is tired but my heart is happy. For now I will just have to go with busy but blessed.

Color Factory with friends – Busy But Blessed šŸ™‚

I Stayed Too Long

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Know that what we do in fear will keep us from our path.

No matter how much the sacrifice seems worth it,

following the HEART is always a better plan.

Wait for the wave of peace that radiates when you are aligned.

Stay close to yourself.

Listen. Breathe. BE.

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Love & Soul Conversations

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Today is my second wedding anniversary and our eighth year as a couple. We will celebrate together tonight and then I teach a Level 2 Reiki class on Sunday. Reiki 2 is a celebration and a homecoming of its own for me. My master presented it to me as the level of love and of healing relationships and I really took that to heart. The personal work that I did following my initiation into the second level of Reiki was the healing balm my heart needed to embrace marriage. I left the past in the past and opened my heart to a love-filled future with the best guy.

Now I teach the idea of finding solace from the feelings and emotions that accompany human relationships. Life is messy and heart break is real but love and compassion heal so many things. We often need to let go of the past to make room for what the future holds. It might seem idealĀ to hash it out in person, but sometimes it’s not appropriate or possible. Enter the soul conversation…

When individuals come together on a soul level much can be accomplished. If there is a situation, relationship or person that needs healing, consider doing the work in a meditation or dream state. Soul conversations give us the opportunity to take responsibility for our actions, ask for and offer forgiveness and send love to the situation. It’s important to recognize the role we played in the relationship, this is not a time for shaming and blaming. Each relationship has something to teach us and propels us into our next stage of personal growth.

Starting in meditation, take a few deep breaths offering love to yourself and your journey. Say a prayer or set an intention such as:

“May I find healing for the highest good of all concerned. May I take responsibility for my role and forgive both myself and the other parties. May the love that is offered up transform pain into sweetness, stuck energy into freedom.”

Ask to connect with the person or situation and have the conversation that you might like to have in person. Honor your part, share any sadness or anger, maybe even remember fun times too. Ask if they have anything to say and ask that they support you in letting go. Then fill the space between you with love. It may seem silly or not real but as is true with energy work, action follows intention. Whatever you come up with, even if it seems made up, is as real an experience as any other.

End with gratitude for self. Gratitude for the individual. Gratitude for life and the Divine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It may take various times with some reflection in between. Be patient and kind during this process and recognize achievements. Then watch life bloom.

I celebrate love every day and each time I return to teach Reiki, I find new levels of healing that are revealed. Each layer that we unveil is a gift and an opportunity. May we all step into our highest self with an open heart.

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Metta Meditation: Loving-Kindness for Peace

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I have always been an optimist. I believe there is good in everyone and I seek to find it even in the most challenging of people. When I was young and read The Diary of Anne Frank, I was absolutely floored and intrigued with her famous quote ā€œIn spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heartā€.Ā 

Recently the actions of another person negatively impacted my family and our future. It came out of nowhere and it turned my world upside down. Ā I found myself with a lot of negative feelings toward this person. Hate is not the word I would use (ok, maybe a little!) but definitely a very close emotional cousin. I was definitely angry, scared and frustrated; feelings that left me drained on multiple levels. I knew I needed an energetic shift.

Enter metta meditation. I have been meditating daily for the past year or so and it has changed my life dramatically. Usually I sit in stillness with a mantra but I knew I needed something more. Loving-kindness meditation works with a series of phrases that you say to yourself and then other people in your life, including what is known as the difficult person. I sent loving-kindness to this person. This person I was angry at, the one who had disrupted my charmed life and left me pissed and not feeling very yoga like.

The phrases of my practice were simple

May you be happy

May you be healthy

May you be free from suffering

May you live in peace

The practice starts with self, then a beloved person, a neutral person, the difficult person, a group of people and finally the whole world. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks each time I reached this difficult person. I did not want to hold anything against them, I just couldnā€™t bear it. I know that they acted out of fear and that they likely live in fear more often than not. I did not want to contribute to their difficult emotions with my own hate. The phrases were a gift, the tears a deep relief. And so I found myself sending these phrases out into the world from my humble heart not just in the morning but many times throughout the day. Each time, a little bit of my hardness softened, I opened up to the blessings of this experience, this lesson in love.

I canā€™t say that I am completely cured of any resentment since the actions of this person continue to reverberate out in my life. But, I feel more at peace and know that it is in everyoneā€™s best interest that I not hold onto negative emotions. Life is funny and continues to give me plenty of other opportunities to practice. And so I find myself returning to these phrases that are my wish for this world.

May we all be happy. May we all be healthy. May we all be free from suffering. And may we all live in peace.

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Grounded & Fertile

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My words for 2016 were Grounded & Fertile. I choose them ahead of time (or rather I think they choose me) and then I see how the year unfolds. I find this practice to be a wonderful way to reflect and set intention. Time is a funny thing and this post serves as a timepiece for my year and all that it has held. End of year rituals in any fashion are a sweet way to say goodbye to this year and usher in a new one.

Grounded

As a Capricorn, staying grounded is in my bones but at the same time I can find myself in the clouds if I’m not careful and conscious. Easily my biggest accomplishment in regards to this word this year was my meditation practice. I got consistent with it for the first time ever! It was a wonderful journey and I’m so grateful. I was excited to share with others as well but both my weekly meditation offering and meditation workshop were not well attended. With this particular “miss” my takeaway is that it was more about cultivating my own practice than sharing this year. In addition to getting more grounded in my meditation practice theĀ Universe majorly tested my foundation when my husband left the very job that brought us to San Jose. It was not in our plans and it shook us both pretty hard. I know my practice was preparing me for that moment. Figuring out how to stay grounded when the earth beneath you becomes unsteady is the real practice. I got to practice that again with the results of the presidential election. My husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary this year and were reminded again and again about what it takes to be a team and how lucky we are to have each other. And we went camping for the first time in our relationship. We also explored some fun hiking spots getting grounded in nature. I taught the Reiki master level class for the first time and find that this practice as well as the students who show up are my constant reminder to stay grounded. My women’s circles continued to grow this year and I found the times I was leading those to be when I felt most grounded in my body and in my life purpose. I also took the seat of therapist once again which requires a great deal of grounding and presence.

Fertile

While it is by no means a secret, I also don’t share much about the fact that my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for several years; longer than I ever imagined it would take. I hope to write more about it one day but for now it’s just too painful and I often find commentary from others (however well meaning) is rarely helpful. I really did think this would be the year and so it was not a coincidence that I chose this word for 2016. And while unfortunately this was not the year I would conceive a child, 2016 proved to be amazingly fertile with ideas, inspiration, experiences and projects. I started a podcast and recently got it on iTunes (hooray!) as well as created a separate website for Wildish Wise Women. I hosted packed women’s circles and invited friends to co-facilitate with me to share their gifts. I lead my first yoga retreat with some wonderful women. I shared much more of my yoga life on social media via a few Instagram challenges including one I co-hosted. Some articles I wrote were published online and I got to share my love of the chakra system in a monthly series at the prAna store in Palo Alto. The community that I continue to co-create in my new home is rich with wonderful people. My husband and I hosted a gathering in the Spring and we had our first annual Friendsgiving. In addition to teaching several Reiki classes of all levels, I also invited people to a Reiki share night on a couple of occasions. The healing energy that is created when people come together to raise the vibration is so ripe with possibility. I let my body be a canvas in my first ever body painting experience. I traveled to China and experienced not only a new culture but also a powerful healing practice. And I got 2 new jobs and was reminded of the fertility and flexibility of the career I chose.

Of course there was a lot of darkness to 2016; it was NOT an easy year! My grounding was tested many times and I know it’s not the last time. I plan to stay dedicated to my practices as much as possible and look forward to 2017. My words for the new year are Abundant and Held.Ā Wishing you all that you hope for in 2017!

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My best 9 on Instagram – apparently naked photos get more likes šŸ˜‰

Meditation 365

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I did it! A year of meditating every day.

I woke up this morningĀ so so excited…like a kid going to Disneyland. I got my butt to my meditation cushion and felt an immense amount of gratitude. I have showed up for myself again and again and it has made a huge impact.

It hasn’t always been easy or ideal but each day I made a commitment to cultivating more peace and to making time for stillness. It’s the greatest gift I have given myself.

And I find that when life feels rough, meditation is the first thing I want to do now. Not to bypass the emotion but to let it wash over me so it can slowly dissipate. Elena Brower, my teacher and inspiration in all of this, says it’s like inviting the house cleaner over each morning. Meditation sweeps out the dirt life throws at us leaving our hearts polished.

My absolute hope is to keep up this practice but I also know that gentleness and forgiveness is part of this journey. 365 days of devotion to self-love and self-care is a foundation that I know will continue to serve me. Adding in a second afternoon/evening meditation and creating more space for the physical practice are my hopes for the future.

Breath. Softness. Opening to Love. Commitment. Practice. Stillness.

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Budding Self-Blessings

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“The bud stands for all things, even for those that don’t flower, for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing; though sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness, to put a hand on the brow of the flower, and retell it in words and in touch, it is lovely until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing” – Galway Kinnell

September has come to a close and on this black moon (the second new moon of the month) I’m very aware of that which did not flower. 30 days full of potential and yet much of it did not come to pass in the way I would have imagined. And so I will hold the image of the bud as a symbol for all things flowering as a self-blessing. Just like the seed that we plant at new moon time to watch unfold across the course of the weeks and months that are left of this year. My daily practices and my commitment to self is my reminder of my loveliness. As it always goes, some flowers bloomed so beautifully, in colors that you can’t even imagine and others remained a seedling, a bud or even just an unconscious glimmer.

I am lovely and so are you.

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