Know that what we do in fear will keep us from our path.
No matter how much the sacrifice seems worth it,
following the HEART is always a better plan.
Wait for the wave of peace that radiates when you are aligned.
Stay close to yourself.
Listen. Breathe. BE.
I did it! A year of meditating every day.
I woke up this morning so so excited…like a kid going to Disneyland. I got my butt to my meditation cushion and felt an immense amount of gratitude. I have showed up for myself again and again and it has made a huge impact.
It hasn’t always been easy or ideal but each day I made a commitment to cultivating more peace and to making time for stillness. It’s the greatest gift I have given myself.
And I find that when life feels rough, meditation is the first thing I want to do now. Not to bypass the emotion but to let it wash over me so it can slowly dissipate. Elena Brower, my teacher and inspiration in all of this, says it’s like inviting the house cleaner over each morning. Meditation sweeps out the dirt life throws at us leaving our hearts polished.
My absolute hope is to keep up this practice but I also know that gentleness and forgiveness is part of this journey. 365 days of devotion to self-love and self-care is a foundation that I know will continue to serve me. Adding in a second afternoon/evening meditation and creating more space for the physical practice are my hopes for the future.
Breath. Softness. Opening to Love. Commitment. Practice. Stillness.
My words for 2015 were Faith and Flow. I choose them before the year starts without much of an understanding of how they will play out. I allow them to unfold organically and trust that I brought them into my awareness for a specific reason.
Faith
I got married this year. And as much of a beautiful experience and wonderful blessing it has been, it did take some faith on my part. Faith that marriage was going to work for me, faith in myself and in my partnership. For me allowing marriage into my life has been a long process that faith definitely played a part in. This is the first full year I have spent away from my hometown, family and friends. We moved up north at the end of last year and a lot of faith has gone into accepting this as the right move for my little family. I have to practice faith in my husband to be the provider; he makes it pretty easy luckily. We received a notice to move out just after getting back from our honeymoon and had to hold faith that we would find a great new place in time. We definitely did and are so much happier in this new space. But there are the things that haven’t fallen into place quite as easily, It’s the disappointments and unanswered prayers that require even more faith. 2015 did not bring everything I had hoped and it requires practicing constant and ongoing faith that all is happening in perfect timing.
Flow
I just love this word! To me it is a state of mind, body and spirit and where I am connected to my highest self. It is somewhere I want to spend more time but a place I find somewhat fleeting. This year I found my flow teaching yoga and reiki, creating and delivering a yoga and psychology themed workshop, leading women’s circles and taking some amazing trainings. I flowed with more singing and dancing this year both on my own and in my circles. Aligning my flow with nature is something I explored more both at home and during some fun travels. I flowed into my new role as wife and primarily stay at home wife, or Domestic Goddess as we call it at our house. I had moments of flow in my own yoga practice and flowed into a new dedication to a daily meditation. Flow was my state when planning and setting intention for some awesome things for next year. To me flow is an organic state that we must allow although some planning doesn’t hurt as long as we stay flexible. Like seaweed anchored to the ocean floor, flow allows us to move freely while being grounded in our truth.
My words for 2016 are Grounded and Fertile. I have some ideas of what I would like to see but I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds. Wishing you a prosperous new year with so much love and light.
My best nine from Instagram are a pretty good summary of 2015
Disclaimer: I hit publish but had to come back and add this. Please know if you are someone who has things they just can’t be grateful for – now or ever. I honor you and that truth. This was just true (and needed) for me today.
Giving thanks for what we have is just the start.
What if we give thanks for what we don’t have, what hasn’t shown up yet or even the challenges that seem to be blocking us?
Each and every piece of this radically beautiful life is just as it should be.
It’s easy to be grateful for all the cosmic yeses and all the things that go just the way we planned but what about the nos, the losses, the failures, the not yets?
These are just as much a part of the story and worthy of our gratitude.
Maybe even more so than all that’s going right because each challenge gets us closer to our truth.
The path is illuminated not just by what falls into place but also by what falls apart.
Be thankful for everything. All of it. The highs and lows. The yeses and nos.
Practice gratitude for each and every precious moment.
Thanksgiving morning wake up call
Earlier this week I got to spend three days with Elena Brower in her Art of Attention Teacher Enhancement Module. She first came onto my radar about 5 years ago at Wanderlust in Squaw Valley. It was clear she was bringing something special to the table and I have continued to follow her and be inspired by her work. I know I will be unpacking the wisdom that she shared over the coming weeks, months and maybe even years but here are some of the stand out gems.
Throughout the three days Elena returned again and again to the simple but profound idea that we have to practice what it is we are seeking. If we want more trust in life, learn how to trust ourselves. If we want to become better teachers, be better students. If we want those around us to act a certain way, lead the way as the example. If we worry about others judging us, stop judging others. If we want abundance in our lives, give abundantly. Remarkably simple but monumentally profound.
Cultivating our own practices was of utmost important to her. What we share with others we must first do ourselves. She implored us all to get serious about our meditation practice and make it a non-negotiable part of our daily lives. I’ll be the first to say my meditation practice is inconsistent at best. I know the value of it and I have periods – sometimes even fairly long ones – where I am very on top of it. And then something gets in the way.
Writing at least one blog post per month is one of the few promises that I have made to myself and actually kept. Keeping a journal is another. I have been consistent in sharing something with the world each month for the past 31 months. It feels good and I am proud of myself. But there are too many other promises that have been broken and frankly the stakes are high. My daily practices determine how I show up in the world and ultimately my overall happiness in life. As Elena put it, “our happiness is our service” and so I recommit to my meditation practice first and foremost. 20 minutes of sitting each day to clear out the accumulation of hurt, doubt, fear, sadness and shitty thoughts.
My gratitude runs deep for some extremely potent teachings that have been passed on to me from Elena and many other gifted teachers. These gifts are largely unwrapped but not yet fully appreciated. They come together over time like pieces of a great puzzle. Sometimes duplicated but always fitting a little differently. I commit to diving in each chance I get so that I can always share from a place of experience.
Elena and I
Art of Attention family
Power and Balance were the words I chose for my 2014. The process of choosing them is pretty simple; before the year starts I take the first thing that comes to mind provided that the words feel good to me. I have no idea how they will play out but I just trust that they are perfect.
Power
I have to admit, this word surprised me a little when it showed up. Power sounded harsh but I realized it’s because we have been conditioned to see power and the abuse of power as inextricably related. I know that we all are powerful beings who sometimes forget this universal truth and shrink when it comes to using our power in a positive way. I wanted to feel powerful in a way that affirmed my skills, my confidence and my personal empowerment. Power showed up for me in several ways this year. I felt powerful as a teacher. I taught a weekly yoga class and I taught several reiki classes. In both I felt the power of sharing information and being open to learning more with every step of my teaching. I felt the power of knowledge in several classes that I took on yoga, reiki, meditation, therapeutic techniques and language. There is power in possibility and I came up with many directions I can take my business and my offerings to the world. The power of sisterhood continues to floor me and I am grateful for all the wonderful connections I continue to nurture. I got engaged this year and felt immense power in the love I share with my fiance and also in embracing my divine feminine nature. Previously I felt that I had to show my power by being independent and not needing anyone else. I have since learned that there is power in partnership. Being open to a role that you are hardwired to play and that compliments another person is an awesome display of power.
Balance
Finding balance is something that we are all seeking (right?!) and a word that we therapists throw around like a Sunday football. Work/life balance, balanced diet, balance in yoga practice, balancing time alone and time spent with others. I could go on and on about our use of this word but guess what? I call bullshit! My apologies to clients who have heard me talk about this and believed me. Don’t get me wrong, I still think it has a use and is important in our seeking peace and calm in life but sometimes things are just messier than that. Sometimes balance in the traditional sense just isn’t possible. My year was all over the place when it comes to balance. I was stuck in a job that was sucking me dry, begging for a way out. Now I’ve quit my job, moved to a new place and the scale has completely tipped. The only thing I have to worry about now is what yoga class to go to and what I am making for dinner. No more grouchy nights and self-loathing mornings. This feels much better of course but I also know things will shift. I will start working again and it won’t be as effortless to get to my meditation cushion each morning. So yes, balance is important but I’d like to redefine it as an always moving, work in progress that we never quite master. And, I’m totally ok with that!
My words for 2015 have been mulled over a bit and what sticks are Faith and Flow. I can’t wait to see what the year ahead brings. May 2015 bless you all with whatever your soul calls for.
Yes to love!
Reiki Sisters
Small kitty in a big new place
There is no denying it now…the holidays are here! This time of year can be joyful and fun but can also come with stress, sickness and obligation. Here are my best tips for making the most of it and staying sane:
Emotional/Energetic Health
*Hell yes or no! – When you are asked to attend that party, bake 12 dozen cookies, shop the crowds, etc, etc take a moment to ask yourself if you really want to go. If your whole self doesn’t say “hell yes, that sounds awesome” then say no. It is easy to get overwhelmed with plans and then feel drained. Do only what nourishes you. I understand that some family obligations may not be a hell yes but you still have to or want to go. I get that, but minimize this as much as possible and if a family gathering is really not going to be in your best interest, give yourself permission to say no to that also.
*Get quiet & relax– nature dictates this as a time of year to go within ourselves and reflect. The days are shorter and the weather is getting colder. It’s natural to want to stay home and cuddle up but this has been made into the busiest time of the year for many. Make time to sit in meditation, take a gentle yoga class or just lounge around and watch Netflix.
*Loving-kindness – Being around family (or not having family) can stir up old hurts. Ram Dass wisely says “If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family” We can easily get caught up in re-living the past, the unsavory political dinner conversations or feeling attacked for your life choices. The ancient practice of loving-kindness can shift this feeling in you in the moment or over time. There are different versions of this, some more adapted for Westerners but it goes something like this. You can do this formally in meditation or say this to yourself toward someone during an encounter with family. Another thing that I like to do if I am struggling to listen or relate, is to imagine energy flowing from my heart to theirs. In whatever practice you choose, remember to first love yourself!
*Fresh air/nature – We end up being inside more this time of year but don’t forget to get some fresh air and connect to nature. This helps us stay grounded and reduces stress. Getting your bare feet in the earth may not be an option but make contact with a tree trunk and feel the energy flow. Tree hugging is a thing and it’s good for us! 🙂
Physical Health
*More H2O – It’s easy to forget to drink water when it’s no longer warm outside but your body needs water in the winter too. Drink just as much water, if not more, than you would during the warmer months. I like to start the morning with warm lemon water with a dash of cayenne pepper. It helps me to start drinking water in the morning so I continue the trend throughout the day.
*Essential oils – I have several go-to oils for my health. Thieves, peppermint, oregano and lavender are my recommendations. Thieves is great for sickness prevention and keeping the immune system strong, peppermint and lavender are the best all around oils for a long list of things and oregano is natures antibiotic. I use the oils topically, diffused and internally. Make sure you have therapeutic grade in order to ingest them, not all oils are created equally. I use Young Living but there are other brands out there that are high quality as well, please do your research.
*Green smoothies/juices – I love veggies as much as the next girl and I cook with and eat them often. But for me, the best way to get tons of green goodness into my system is to make a juice or smoothie. Lately I have been giving my Vitamix a lot of love and have a formula that I more or less follow.
80/20 veggies to fruits and fruits that are low on the glycemic index like apples and berries (many folks make the mistake of making a very fruit forward creation that is high in sugar), vary your greens and veggies, water as base instead of fruit juice, chia seeds, spirulina, cacao for a treat, fresh ginger, cinnamon, cayenne. Winter is typically a time for soups and stews which I say yes to as well but I add the ginger, cinnamon and cayenne to bring that warming quality that we desire in the winter. I happen to love ginger and include it most of the time anyway but especially in winter.
*Vitamins/herbal supplements – Putting good food in your body is critical but I also take certain vitamins and herbs to ensure I stay well. A good quality multiple is helpful but I also take a B complex, vitamin D (more during the winter), vitamin C (extra if I feel under the weather) and Maca root when I need an energy boost. I also drink herbal tea regularly and either buy loose leaf or the Traditional Medicinals brand that is most often organic and is formulated by herbalists. This blend of things is what helps me most but every body is different. As my good friend and health coach says “if your supplements don’t make you feel better, it’s just expensive urine” Explore and find out what works best for you.
Spiritual Health
*Sing, dance and be merry – Let the spirit of the season envelop you. If you don’t love it all, choose what you do love and go with that. Song and dance have great power and when done correctly (correct = whatever you resonate with) can be a spiritual experience. Move your lips and your hips and do it with love.
*Celebrate ceremoniously – Holiday traditions are sometimes deeply rooted or newly minted. Find something fun about this time of year and make it sacred. If what you’ve been doing isn’t working or no longer fits your mold, change it! Ceremonies are important but only if they make you feel awesome. I love getting out my holiday decorations and looking at my recap of last year and hopes and dreams for this one – I keep them in the decoration boxes. I also have this great collection of sweet collectors bears that make me smile year after year.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be free from suffering. May this holiday season be filled with joy and love.
I just moved to San Jose from San Diego, where I lived my whole life. I have been here 2 weeks today. Unpacking kept me pretty busy the first week but moving into the second week there has been less to do and more time to not do.
I’ve been reading “Spiritual Growth” by Sanaya Roman. It’s the third in a series and is one of those books that takes awhile for me to read because I read a little and then think about it, and hopefully integrate it into my life in some small way. Last week I read a chapter about the concept of ‘the void.’ She talks about the void being this space in between, where it may seem that you are doing nothing but actually you are doing so much. In the void there is a lot of letting go, expanding and preparing to soar to new heights. The void is about transition and opening up to different possibilities.
This really resonated with me. I am in the void right now. I am not working nor do I quite know what I want to do next. Don’t get me wrong, I do not feel we should identify ourselves by whether or not we are employed and where, but it was a big part of why I was recently feeling unfulfilled. For me, the void is also leaving behind all that I knew: friends, familiarity, family.
It doesn’t always feel that I am doing much on the outside but I am leaving behind a life that wasn’t serving me in some ways. I am allowing that life to fall away so that I can fully embrace whatever is next for me. I’m in a position of extremely good fortune in that I do not have to work or really do anything right away. I can embrace the void and see where it takes me. Trust me, it’s not always comfortable or easy but I am owning and occupying the void. And I am so grateful.
“Not-knowing can be the doorway to true knowing”
“Living in the void can be stimulating, challenging and expansive” 
I recently got back from a trip to Bali, Indonesia to celebrate 5 years of being with my boyfriend. It just so happened that on March 31, which is the day of our anniversary, was a national holiday on the island of Bali. It is called Nyepi and is the Hindu new year. The people in Bali are overwhelmingly Hindu despite the fact that Indonesia as a whole is mostly Muslim. On this day from 6am to 6am the following day everyone stays inside to be with family, pray, meditate and unplug…literally. There is no electricity used after 6pm. The day changes every year so it was very special that it landed on our day of celebration.
The day before there is a parade where statues called Ogoh-ogoh are paraded around the town to music and celebration and then they are burned. These represent demons and evil spirits and are offered as a way to purify humans of any spiritual pollutants. The following day of silence is meant to be a day of reflection as well as follows the folklore that if the whole island is quiet the evil spirits will not find anyone. No one is exempt from the rules of Nyepi and everyone must stay inside including tourists. Some Balinese people fast or meditate on this day, others just stay inside and relax. As one of our taxi drivers told us, “I don’t eat for half the day but then I am hungry.”
Luckily, we were staying in a beautiful hotel so not being able to leave all day was not a problem. The hotel organized some activities including learning to make Balinese treats and making the flower offerings that you see all over the country. It was a nice chance to just relax. I read my book and we spent time by the pool. We ate our hotel dinner by candlelight and went to bed fairly early. That night the stars were AMAZING! I have been camping and summer trips to Lake Powell used to be my favorite time for star gazing, but these were like I had never seen before. So magical!
Bali is a seriously spiritual country and this was clear throughout our trip but especially for Nyepi. The whole country gets quiet in the name of a spiritual experience and to start their year on the right foot. I love that! Their connection to the Divine is clear in everything they do; there are temples and statues of Gods throughout the country. Each house even has a temple where they leave daily offerings of flowers, food and incense.
One of my favorite parts of traveling is seeing the way other people live, love and connect to each other, their beliefs and ways of healing. The Balinese are deeply spiritual, happy people. They live simply and are connected to nature and ritual. I will forever hold my visit to the island of Bali in my heart because of the people, the beauty, and not to mention the fact that the next day I got engaged. But, that’s another post for another day!
Learning how to make Balinese goodies at our hotel
Making an offering for the altar
Beautiful flowers are offered to the Gods
My offering
An ogoh-ogoh in town
An ogoh-ogoh and flower offering outside a local home
I turned 31 in January and decided that for my birthday month I was going to do 31 Random Acts of Kindness. It mostly worked out to one a day but there were days I did more than one thing and a day or two that I forgot as well. The funny thing about the days I “forgot” to do something was that if I really thought about my day there was some act of kindness I offered even if it was not planned. My goal is to live a life where random kindness towards others is the rule not the exception but there was something fun about planning and executing these small gestures as part of my own secret project.
I did things like leaving a nice note on a stranger’s car, bringing gifts and treats to my co-workers and clients, giving an extra large tip to a server, offering a free reiki session, letting a car into my lane during rush hour, leaving quarters in a candy machine, and being extra friendly to a grouchy grocery store cashier. My favorite was paying for the person behind me in the drive-thru. I rarely eat at places that have a drive-thru so I was thrilled to pick up In-N-Out grilled cheeses one night for my boyfriend and I and offer to pay for the car behind me. It was fun to tell the cashier my plan and to think that he got to tell the car behind me that their meal had been taken care of. I got a nice, but somewhat confused, wave from the car when they found out. And, I was smiling from ear to ear. Another close second was leaving art supplies for a friend. This ended up being a fun adventure because I couldn’t find her house. I’ve been there lots of times but my sense of direction is impaired to say the least!
Kindness towards others is so gratifying for me it hardly feels like I am doing something nice for someone else. I love that something as simple as stepping outside of your own issues/problems/concerns long enough to give loving kindness to someone else can dramatically shift your perspective. I’ve definitely had days where I don’t feel like being kind but kindness is and always will be the better solution. I struggled to get along with my step-mother growing up (frankly she just wasn’t nice to me) and my mom always used to tell me to “kill her with kindness.” I don’t think I completely understood this when I was younger and while now I fully appreciate the depth of what my mom was saying, on SO many levels, I think the phrase needs so updating. “Love them with kindness” feels so much sweeter to me. So, here’s to more kindness in the world, one random act at a time!