Category Archives: Inspiration

Everyone Looks Beautiful in Savasana

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This last week I taught my first yoga class as a volunteer for a local mental health and social services agency. I was so happy to have the time and energy to be able to give back to people who do work that I know first hand can be extremely stressful. In fact, I had long lost my ability to give back more than what was required for my job and it was really affecting me. When I first got out of grad school I was full of passion and excitement to make a difference in the world. That included giving back to my coworkers and going out of my way to make the workplace more nourishing, Over time the work got to me and I didn’t like the bitter, jaded person I was becoming. I’m honestly not sure if I was cut out for the work I was doing, but from a very young age I have always wanted to help people and make a difference. I’m so grateful that I can now use yoga to help others. And in turn help myself connect back to the energy of giving. My favorite part is looking at the softened faces of my students as they relax into the final resting pose.

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I Do….And I Don’t

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One week from today I am getting married! Who knew I would be so excited about something I wasn’t even sure I wanted. My opinion about marriage has varied over the years; much of the time I didn’t think it was for me. Mostly out of fear that it would end in divorce like my parents and so many others. But after 6 happy years with my man, a lot of heart healing and soul searching, and a few serendipitous events, I am thrilled to be saying yes to the institution of marriage. Don’t get me wrong, we will still do things our way which is usually far from traditional. Starting with a small family ceremony where I will be wearing every color but white.

I also recently came to the conclusion that I don’t want to do therapy anymore, at least not the way I had been doing it. It feels like a breakup of epic proportions. This truth hit me during a yoga class and my eyes immediately filled with tears. It is no surprise to me that anytime I look at job postings for hospital work, it makes me feel like I’m having trauma flashbacks. I knew my last job was really dragging me down; hell everyone knew it.  But, I’m talking I don’t even want to do the private practice work that actually was nourishing. I decided not to renew my membership to the National Association of Social Workers. The thing is I still stand by the mission and core values of the Social Work profession and yet I’m turning in my social worker card.

The end of my single life will be replaced by the beginning of a new adventure of wedded bliss. What I thought was the destination to my career path turns out to only be a springboard into the unknown. One feels exciting and love-drenched while the other feels scary but ripe with opportunity. I honor them both as they have shown up in my life and trust that the unfolding will be perfect.  Death and Re-birth are all part of the cycle of life. I call upon the courage to let die what needs to die in order to make room for new growth. Just like nature brings forth new life after the bleak of winter, I can’t wait to see the beauty of what blooms.dafodils

Power and Balance

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Power and Balance were the words I chose for my 2014. The process of choosing them is pretty simple; before the year starts I take the first thing that comes to mind provided that the words feel good to me. I have no idea how they will play out but I just trust that they are perfect.

Power

I have to admit, this word surprised me a little when it showed up. Power sounded harsh but I realized it’s because we have been conditioned to see power and the abuse of power as inextricably related. I know that we all are powerful beings who sometimes forget this universal truth and shrink when it comes to using our power in a positive way.  I wanted to feel powerful in a way that affirmed my skills, my confidence and my personal empowerment. Power showed up for me in several ways this year. I felt powerful as a teacher. I taught a weekly yoga class and I taught several reiki classes. In both I felt the power of sharing information and being open to learning more with every step of my teaching. I felt the power of knowledge in several classes that I took on yoga, reiki, meditation, therapeutic techniques and language. There is power in possibility and I came up with many directions I can take my business and my offerings to the world.  The power of sisterhood continues to floor me and I am grateful for all the wonderful connections I continue to nurture. I got engaged this year and felt immense power in the love I share with my fiance and also in embracing my divine feminine nature. Previously I felt that I had to show my power by being independent and not needing anyone else. I have since learned that there is power in partnership. Being open to a role that you are hardwired to play and that compliments another person is an awesome display of power.

Balance

Finding balance is something that we are all seeking (right?!) and a word that we therapists throw around like a Sunday football. Work/life balance, balanced diet, balance in yoga practice, balancing time alone and time spent with others. I could go on and on about our use of this word but guess what?  I call bullshit! My apologies to clients who have heard me talk about this and believed me. Don’t get me wrong, I still think it has a use and is important in our seeking peace and calm in life but sometimes things are just messier than that. Sometimes balance in the traditional sense just isn’t possible. My year was all over the place when it comes to balance. I was stuck in a job that was sucking me dry, begging for a way out. Now I’ve quit my job, moved to a new place and the scale has completely tipped. The only thing I have to worry about now is what yoga class to go to and what I am making for dinner. No more grouchy nights and self-loathing mornings. This feels much better of course but I also know things will shift. I will start working again and it won’t be as effortless to get to my meditation cushion each morning. So yes, balance is important but I’d like to redefine it as an always moving, work in progress that we never quite master. And, I’m totally ok with that!

My words for 2015 have been mulled over a bit and what sticks are Faith and Flow. I can’t wait to see what the year ahead brings. May 2015 bless you all with whatever your soul calls for.

 

Yes to love!

Yes to love!

Reiki Sisters

Reiki Sisters

Small kitty in a big new place

Small kitty in a big new place

Healthy Happy Holidays

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There is no denying it now…the holidays are here! This time of year can be joyful and fun but can also come with stress, sickness and obligation. Here are my best tips for making the most of it and staying sane:

Emotional/Energetic Health

*Hell yes or no! – When you are asked to attend that party, bake 12 dozen cookies, shop the crowds, etc, etc take a moment to ask yourself if you really want to go. If your whole self doesn’t say “hell yes, that sounds awesome” then say no. It is easy to get overwhelmed with plans and then feel drained. Do only what nourishes you. I understand that some family obligations may not be a hell yes but you still have to or want to go. I get that, but minimize this as much as possible and if a family gathering is really not going to be in your best interest, give yourself permission to say no to that also.

*Get quiet & relax– nature dictates this as a time of year to go within ourselves and reflect. The days are shorter and the weather is getting colder. It’s natural to want to stay home and cuddle up but this has been made into the busiest time of the year for many. Make time to sit in meditation, take a gentle yoga class or just lounge around and watch Netflix.

*Loving-kindness – Being around family (or not having family) can stir up old hurts. Ram Dass wisely says “If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family” We can easily get caught up in re-living the past, the unsavory political dinner conversations or feeling attacked for your life choices. The ancient practice of loving-kindness can shift this feeling in you in the moment or over time. There are different versions of this, some more adapted for Westerners but it goes something like this. You can do this formally in meditation or say this to yourself toward someone during an encounter with family. Another thing that I like to do if I am struggling to listen or relate, is to imagine energy flowing from my heart to theirs. In whatever practice you choose, remember to first love yourself!

*Fresh air/nature – We end up being inside more this time of year but don’t forget to get some fresh air and connect to nature. This helps us stay grounded and reduces stress. Getting your bare feet in the earth may not be an option but make contact with a tree trunk and feel the energy flow. Tree hugging is a thing and it’s good for us! 🙂

Physical Health

*More H2O – It’s easy to forget to drink water when it’s no longer warm outside but your body needs water in the winter too. Drink just as much water, if not more, than you would during the warmer months. I like to start the morning with warm lemon water with a dash of cayenne pepper. It helps me to start drinking water in the morning so I continue the trend throughout the day.

*Essential oils – I have several go-to oils for my health. Thieves, peppermint, oregano and lavender are my recommendations. Thieves is great for sickness prevention and keeping the immune system strong, peppermint and lavender are the best all around oils for a long list of things and oregano is natures antibiotic. I use the oils topically, diffused and internally. Make sure you have therapeutic grade in order to ingest them, not all oils are created equally. I use Young Living but there are other brands out there that are high quality as well, please do your research.

*Green smoothies/juices – I love veggies as much as the next girl and I cook with and eat them often. But for me, the best way to get tons of green goodness into my system is to make a juice or smoothie. Lately I have been giving my Vitamix a lot of love and have a formula that I more or less follow.

80/20 veggies to fruits and fruits that are low on the glycemic index like apples and berries (many folks make the mistake of making a very fruit forward creation that is high in sugar), vary your greens and veggies, water as base instead of fruit juice, chia seeds, spirulina, cacao for a treat, fresh ginger, cinnamon, cayenne. Winter is typically a time for soups and stews which I say yes to as well but I add the ginger, cinnamon and cayenne to bring that warming quality that we desire in the winter. I happen to love ginger and include it most of the time anyway but especially in winter.

*Vitamins/herbal supplements – Putting good food in your body is critical but I also take certain vitamins and herbs to ensure I stay well. A good quality multiple is helpful but I also take a B complex, vitamin D (more during the winter), vitamin C (extra if I feel under the weather) and Maca root when I need an energy boost. I also drink herbal tea regularly and either buy loose leaf or the Traditional Medicinals brand that is most often organic and is formulated by herbalists. This blend of things is what helps me most but every body is different. As my good friend and health coach says “if your supplements don’t make you feel better, it’s just expensive urine” Explore and find out what works best for you.

Spiritual Health

*Sing, dance and be merry – Let the spirit of the season envelop you. If you don’t love it all, choose what you do love and go with that. Song and dance have great power and when done correctly (correct = whatever you resonate with) can be a spiritual experience. Move your lips and your hips and do it with love.

*Celebrate ceremoniously – Holiday traditions are sometimes deeply rooted or newly minted. Find something fun about this time of year and make it sacred. If what you’ve been doing isn’t working or no longer fits your mold, change it! Ceremonies are important but only if they make you feel awesome. I love getting out my holiday decorations and looking at my recap of last year and hopes and dreams for this one – I keep them in the decoration boxes. I also have this great collection of sweet collectors bears that make me smile year after year.

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be free from suffering. May this holiday season be filled with joy and love.

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Let Go or Be Dragged

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I’m moving to San Jose.

Those are 5 words I never ever thought I would say. Moving has not been on my radar at all, but this Native San Diegan is taking off for the Bay Area. In the past when I thought about moving, it was always to another country because I couldn’t imagine finding anywhere in the U.S. that I would like better than San Diego. I still think San Diego is pretty rad. It’s where I was born and raised and where all my family lives. But, sometimes the path we think we are on is different from the one we are actually living.

I’ve also been unhappy at my day job for more than a year.

That’s a phrase I have uttered and one that I have felt deep into the core of my being. But I stayed anyway. Why? Fear about sums it up.

Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear that I couldn’t find anything better. Fear that doing what I love wouldn’t pay the bills.

And so when I told a good friend that I was finally going to be able to give my notice she mentioned the Zen saying “let go or be dragged”. My yoga teacher and friend said “this is what will get you out of that job finally!” and countless others commented on how excited I must be to leave.

This upcoming move has left me no choice but to leave a job I have long since felt passionate about, but in turn I will be leaving behind many things I do love. I trust in the process though and I know that this will be a good move and that really I have been asking for this. Feeling stressed, coming home crying on a semi-regular basis and even shedding tears at work wasn’t enough to do it. So here I am with less than 2 weeks left at my job and no plan for what I will do when I get up north. My fiance was offered an amazing job opportunity and will be able to support the family (me, him and the cat) while I get settled.

And still there is fear. I have always worked and live in this paradigm where I have to support myself and bring in income. But, here is an opportunity to get my bearings, figure out what direction I want to go and trust that all will work out perfectly. I have so many passions and a deep desire to share them and so I step into this new journey knowing that I have to give up the life I planned in order to have the life that is waiting for me.

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Labor Day Lovespiration

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The inspirations for this blog always come from life. My life to be more specific, and often the themes and issues that I see in the lives of the people I work with. As we approach Labor Day and a wedding I will attend over the weekend, I can’t help but think of this little love story. Sometimes the hardest thing we do in life is let more love in.

3 years ago on Labor Day my partner and I decided to go to Seaport Village to play tourist in our own beautiful city. We walked around and then grabbed a snack but couldn’t find anywhere to sit. A couple offered for us to join them and we learned that their names were Pat and Kathy. He was a pilot for FedEx and was overjoyed that his wife was able to join him on a business trip for the first time ever. They told us about their kids and the wonderful life they had shared so far and then asked us about our relationship and if we planned to get married. My boyfriend spoke up and said “Oh, she doesn’t want to get married”

Pat shared that, like me, he had come from divorced parents and told Kathy from the start that he didn’t plan on marrying her. He said “we were together 5 years before we got married but I can honestly say marrying Kathy is the best decision I have ever made”  Cue the tears and the most tender “see it wouldn’t be so bad” look from my love. It was a special moment that I didn’t know would get even better. You could tell the couple was moved as well and Kathy said to Pat that it felt like a “vadeju.” She explained this to be a reverse dejavu and that once when they were our age they saw a cute older couple who had been together a long time. They both felt very inspired by this couple and hoped that one day they would be able to pay it forward. More tears. In fact, as many times as I have told this story I can’t do so without getting goosebumps and a little teary eyed.

We said our goodbyes, mentioned some things to do in San Diego and gave them our free zoo passes that we get for being members. As we walked away my boyfriend had the biggest grin on his face and I think he was sort of skipping (although that’s not terribly out of character) I told him he looked like he had won something. He promptly responded “Oh, I have!” You see, he knew as well as I did that they were placed in front of us for a reason. He barely even believed in that at the time but knew for certain that we were meant to meet them. Sometimes we wish we could find them and say thank you and maybe we will get to someday. But, more than anything we hope we get to inspire another couple down the road with our love and commitment.

My now fiance loves me more than I could ever explain but it has not always been easy for me to accept that love. It’s getting easier and easier and I definitely have Pat and Kathy to thank for that.

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Waterfall kissing in Ecuador

How I Lost My Writing Mojo

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I used to love to write. At one time in my life I said I wanted to be a writer. I think I decided on writer after realizing perhaps singer with my own lemonade stand was not realistic enough. English was my favorite subject in school, I always received good grades on essays and even had fun writing them, especially if they were reflecting on books I enjoyed reading. I struggled with grammar sometimes, damn comma rules are confusing, but my teachers always told us you can do whatever you want with grammar once you are a writer!

I wrote countless short stories when I was younger that were quite creative and fun.  I specifically remember a story with corresponding characters made from felt (the one artistic medium that was accessible to me as a non-artist!) about a crocodile and a mouse who became friends. I wrote poems and thoughtful messages in greeting cards to friends and family. I also had numerous pen pals who I exchanged actual snail mail with on a regular basis. I took a creative writing class in college in which I dissected a commercial and analyzed each detail about it, mostly pointing out the blatant sexism it displayed. I got a good grade on this paper and in the class and I was very proud of all of my work. It felt creative and a true reflection of my abilities.

I’m not sure when I realized that I no longer felt like a good writer. It became more clear to me when I started this website and blog. I would sit down to write and while I had things to say I didn’t feel like they sounded “good” or “creative” or like they came from a “writer.” I also once criticized my partner for writing in our travel journal as if he was writing a novel. I just documented the facts and he wrote all the details as if it were a story, a beautifully written story. His feelings were hurt and I was left wondering why I took a stab at his writing. His writing, by the way, played a big part in him wooing me early on in our relationship. It is good stuff and I continue to love the cards, texts and notes he writes me!  As often happens in life, others reflect a mirror back to us of what we need to see about ourselves and our first response sometimes is to lash out. I was envious that he had this creative streak in him and I was left just stating what we did.

I have recently felt more drawn to writing and have had others tell me they see this in my path as well. This got me thinking, ‘when did I lose my writing mojo?’ I figured it out and have since been trying to re-write, so to speak, this part of my life. I started graduate school for social work in 2006 and have been doing this work ever since. Much of the coursework and writings had to do with connecting to people and supporting them through difficult life circumstances. And in the workplace client documentation looks something like this: “Client presents with depressed mood and congruent affect. She reports recent increase in crying spells and inability to get to work on many days. She has thought about suicide but does not have a plan or intent to act. No reported history of drug or alcohol use” 

This kind of writing is the norm in the mental health community but holy crap is it boring! These notes are medical in nature and are meant to just report the facts. Well, no wonder I lost my creative spark writing this kind of thing all. the. time. Can you blame me?! I’m happy to say that thanks to starting this blog and becoming aware of when things went wrong, I am recovering from my boring, fact-stating, snooze fest writings. I don’t have to just identify as a social worker writing boring therapist notes. I can be many things including a writer. All this time I thought perhaps I had just gotten more and more dumb the longer I was out of school. But, as with anything it takes practice. Just as I can’t expect to remember any Spanish if I don’t practice, I can’t be a better writer unless I write. And so I have written a blog each month for just over a year and I can honestly say that I feel more comfortable than I did with my writing. And that same partner, who supports me even when I’m mean to him, says I have gotten better too!

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Beautiful logo for my business crafted by my creative and supportive fiance

 

Nyepi: Day of Silence in Bali

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I recently got back from a trip to Bali, Indonesia to celebrate 5 years of being with my boyfriend. It just so happened that on March 31, which is the day of our anniversary, was a national holiday on the island of Bali.  It is called Nyepi and is the Hindu new year. The people in Bali are overwhelmingly Hindu despite the fact that Indonesia as a whole is mostly Muslim. On this day from 6am to 6am the following day everyone stays inside to be with family, pray, meditate and unplug…literally. There is no electricity used after 6pm. The day changes every year so it was very special that it landed on our day of celebration.

The day before there is a parade where statues called Ogoh-ogoh are paraded around the town to music and celebration and then they are burned. These represent demons and evil spirits and are offered as a way to purify humans of any spiritual pollutants. The following day of silence is meant to be a day of reflection as well as follows the folklore that if the whole island is quiet the evil spirits will not find anyone. No one is exempt from the rules of Nyepi and everyone must stay inside including tourists. Some Balinese people fast or meditate on this day, others just stay inside and relax. As one of our taxi drivers told us, “I don’t eat for half the day but then I am hungry.”

Luckily, we were staying in a beautiful hotel so not being able to leave all day was not a problem. The hotel organized some activities including learning to make Balinese treats and making the flower offerings that you see all over the country. It was a nice chance to just relax. I read my book and we spent time by the pool. We ate our hotel dinner by candlelight and went to bed fairly early. That night the stars were AMAZING! I have been camping and summer trips to Lake Powell used to be my favorite time for star gazing, but these were like I had never seen before. So magical!

Bali is a seriously spiritual country and this was clear throughout our trip but especially for Nyepi. The whole country gets quiet in the name of a spiritual experience and to start their year on the right foot. I love that! Their connection to the Divine is clear in everything they do; there are temples and statues of Gods throughout the country. Each house even has a temple where they leave daily offerings of flowers, food and incense.

One of my favorite parts of traveling is seeing the way other people live, love and connect to each other, their beliefs and ways of healing. The Balinese are deeply spiritual, happy people. They live simply and are connected to nature and ritual.  I will forever hold my visit to the island of Bali in my heart because of the people, the beauty, and not to mention the fact that the next day I got engaged. But, that’s another post for another day!

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Learning how to make Balinese goodies at our hotel

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Making an offering for the altar

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Beautiful flowers are offered to the Gods

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My offering

 

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An ogoh-ogoh in town

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An ogoh-ogoh and flower offering outside a local home

 

Energy Adventures in Ecuador

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Travel is magical! I love everything about it but it often feels so surreal when I return home. Nothing has changed and everything has changed. Was I really in all of those amazing places or did I dream it all? My boyfriend and I recently created a photo book of our trip to Ecuador and it reminded me of all the wonderful things I experienced there.

I set the intention that my trip would connect me to healing in some way so it was not a big surprise when the first person I met off the plane told me he had been studying Reiki. My host mother was extremely attuned to all things magical and we shared some conversations at the dinner table about life, love and healing that will stay with me always.

I got to experience a cleansing at a marketplace, learn a new form of energy healing and visit some incredibly spiritual places including being at the center of the world on the Equinox. This knowledge and experience continues to shape my work with others and I’m so grateful.

While I believe you can create magical experiences wherever you are, I especially appreciated the fact that energy healing, spirituality and a deep connection to the divine seemed to be the norm in Ecuador. When I told people I was a Reiki master everyone knew what that was. I heard various people talk about the “energy” of a particular place and how it was special or not to be missed. The new technique I trained in is currently called Ama-Deus but was originally known as just “healing” and was taught from an early age in the indigenous tribe and used by all. The marketplace cleansing was traditionally for infants and young children and was a normal occurrence experienced by most.

Sometimes it feels like here in the US we have lost our connection to spirit, but I know most people are deeply affected by this when given permission to bring it back into their lives.  I feel that it is part of my path and my great honor to support others to find the magic in their everyday lives by tapping into spirituality, energy and ceremony. We all have the power to access the divine and in turn our very best self, it just sometimes gets forgotten or a little lost.

As I prepare for my next adventure, I am excited with all the possibilities of new experiences to come. I just found out I will be celebrating my 5 year anniversary in Bali, a deeply spiritual place. My boyfriend kept this trip a secret (how I will never know!) and we leave 2 weeks from today. Here’s to seeking adventure afar but also in our own backyard.

Marketplace cleansing. Unfortunately there are no photos capturing the part where she spit in my face. I was surprised for sure!

Marketplace cleansing. Unfortunately there are no photos capturing the part where she spit in my face. I was surprised for sure!

Magic forest in Cajas National Park outside of Cuenca

Magic forest in Cajas National Park outside of Cuenca

El Chorro de Giron waterfall after a very challenging hike

El Chorro de Giron waterfall after a very challenging hike

Equinox ceremony at La Mitad del Mundo

Equinox ceremony at La Mitad del Mundo

Fairy tree in Tena

Fairy tree in Tena

31 Random Acts of Kindness

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No-act-of-kindness-no-matther-how-small-is-ever-wasted-Meaningful-Picture-QuotesI turned 31 in January and decided that for my birthday month I was going to do 31 Random Acts of Kindness.  It mostly worked out to one a day but there were days I did more than one thing and a day or two that I forgot as well.  The funny thing about the days I “forgot” to do something was that if I really thought about my day there was some act of kindness I offered even if it was not planned. My goal is to live a life where random kindness towards others is the rule not the exception but there was something fun about planning and executing these small gestures as part of my own secret project. 

I did things like leaving a nice note on a stranger’s car, bringing gifts and treats to my co-workers and clients, giving an extra large tip to a server, offering a free reiki session, letting a car into my lane during rush hour, leaving quarters in a candy machine, and being extra friendly to a grouchy grocery store cashier. My favorite was paying for the person behind me in the drive-thru. I rarely eat at places that have a drive-thru so I was thrilled to pick up In-N-Out grilled cheeses one night for my boyfriend and I and offer to pay for the car behind me. It was fun to tell the cashier my plan and to think that he got to tell the car behind me that their meal had been taken care of. I got a nice, but somewhat confused, wave from the car when they found out. And, I was smiling from ear to ear.  Another close second was leaving art supplies for a friend. This ended up being a fun adventure because I couldn’t find her house. I’ve been there lots of times but my sense of direction is impaired to say the least!

Kindness towards others is so gratifying for me it hardly feels like I am doing something nice for someone else. I love that something as simple as stepping outside of your own issues/problems/concerns long enough to give loving kindness to someone else can dramatically shift your perspective. I’ve definitely had days where I don’t feel like being kind but kindness is and always will be the better solution. I struggled to get along with my step-mother growing up (frankly she just wasn’t nice to me) and my mom always used to tell me to “kill her with kindness.” I don’t think I completely understood this when I was younger and while now I fully appreciate the depth of what my mom was saying, on SO many levels, I think the phrase needs so updating.  “Love them with kindness” feels so much sweeter to me. So, here’s to more kindness in the world, one random act at a time!