Category Archives: Intuition

Taking a Breiki

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My sisters were my first ever Reiki 1 class back in 2012. I have been teaching regularly since then and love sharing this healing modality. It gives me a lot of joy to play a small role in people embracing their inner healer. I also always learn from my students and feel a deep connection to myself and the energy each time I teach.

I’ve been resisting the call to take a break from teaching for some time. Why would spirit guide me to take a break from something I love? It’s easy to ask questions, but maybe we aren’t always meant to have answers. Trust is often all we have to go on when everything seems uncertain.

I believe intuition starts as a whisper and gets louder until you wake up to what’s being asked of you. So, I have finally decided to listen before the divine is forced to scream at me.

2019 is my year to scale back my classes entirely aside from the January Reiki master class I had agreed long ago to teach. It was lovely and bittersweet to have some wonderful souls share in my last class for awhile.

My break will include more weekends home to work on our house, the opportunity to learn other healing modalities (I am embarking on more yoga therapy this year), time for self-healing and self-reflection, and some things I probably couldn’t plan for even if I tried.

Reiki will still be a part of my life because it has been so intertwined these past years in everything that I do. I still offer individual sessions and incorporate it in many of my offerings. But the seat of the teacher is on the back burner for now. And I am at peace with it.

I don’t know what this year off will bring or what the plan for 2020 will be but if I had to guess I would say it will turn out perfectly and exactly according to plan.

Reiki master Jan 2019. Photo by Olivia Chapman Goss

Attunements (and funny faces) among the redwood trees. Photo by Olivia Chapman Goss

A Return to Love

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I read A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson for the first time in 2012. I have since read it again and likely not for the last time. I can distinctly remember the shift my brain had to make to integrate the idea that our nature is love, and anything that does not look like love is just a request for more love. It certainly made sense on a fundamental level but this is not the message we get in everyday life, so it took some getting used to.

Last night I got to see Marianne speak in Santa Cruz. It was really wonderful but she was actually quite different in person than I expected. Her speech was a fiery sermon aimed to get us worked up about the times we live in right now. She said that it’s not the first time society has strayed outside of what is moral and ethical but let us not be the first people in history to do nothing about it.

Of course we have to take action to make change, but the predictable plot twist is that it has little to do with others and everything to do with ourselves. It all comes back to us. How can we be more loving, more accepting, more devoted. “get the message IN first”. Then and only then can we collectively make the shifts that are needed. She addressed the need for the spiritual community to get more involved in politics so that the needle can be moved in the right direction.

Her ability to share perspectives and address human concerns was so highly skillful it was just an honor to witness. And as much as she is all about love, she is also about being straightforward and encouraging personal responsibility.

She called a few people out during the Q & A portion in a way that had me clapping in agreement, but also left me wondering if I would have been crying had I been in their shoes. One of these moments that stuck with me the most was when a woman shared difficulty in living with her father. She reported he brought “negative male energy” into the house. “This has to stop right now” Marianne said “that is not nice to men and it’s NOT ok”, I appreciate that she named this epidemic of putting men down.

But of course there is also the other side of the coin where women are still suppressed on so many levels. She said “let women speak in declarative sentences and say what they want”. She addressed the high incidence of depression in women and that if we are actually paying attention it makes perfect sense that we are depressed.

She encouraged us to always look for the lesson and where you could have reacted with more love. Can we make it our practice to send love to everything and everyone to overcome the hate that exists right now. This does not mean we blindly put up with everything in the name of love though. She said it’s time for us to own our yes and own our no. “Love always gives the loving response and sometimes the response is no”

Practice is key! Start in the morning, fill your consciousness with light and pray to the God of your own understanding to be of service. “Everything you do is your ministry”. As the Course in Miracles says: Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say and to whom?

My girlfriends and I stood in line for her book signing. I didn’t have anything for her to sign but I joined in a photo we requested. At the very end there was a moment where she made direct eye contact (the type of gaze that made me feel like she really saw me) and I said thank you so much. I immediately remembered something from a part of her speech where she said that when you are on this path and leading a life of love and purpose, there is a light in your eyes. Other people who have it, recognize it, and people who don’t have it want to know where you got it.

Ever a work in progress, I’m so grateful to be doing the best I can each day, making practice a priority and fully experiencing all the parts of life. And as Marianne said “It’s not over ’til the happy part”

The Myth of Mastery

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This past weekend I had the pleasure of teaching my first Reiki Master class. I’ve been teaching Levels 1 & 2 since 2012 and I have come across so many wonderful souls on this journey. It is one of my greatest joys in life to share this healing technique with those who are interested. When I was young I wanted to be a teacher, mostly because I loved learning and I admired my teachers. And while my original intent was to be a school teacher, this role of teaching has morphed into many different things, one of them being sharing and teaching Reiki.

I knew in my heart I wanted to teach the master level at some point but I never felt enough mastery to justify it. As with most of the things I have interest in, I feel I could go a lifetime and not understand it all. Lucky for me the universe sent me all the right signs that I was in fact ready and to get my butt in gear. And so it was that I had the most beautiful weekend with 5 other healers on the path.

The thing I struggled with the most, was that because Reiki has been passed down over the years, there are variations on the teachings. I wanted to share the most authentic, closest to source information available but damned if I could figure out what that was. Usui (the founder of this kind of Reiki) lived long ago and there are not many people who truly know what he was offering. Especially since it is widely known that Takata, the women responsible for bringing it to the West, took liberties of her own. I agonized over what was right and what was wrong and second guessed a lot of it as I prepared for the training. After meditating, chatting with my Master and asking for guidance the message was clear “Teach what you learned, keep your intentions pure and your heart and mind open.” And the much needed reminder that this path of being a Master is not about knowing it all but about showing up to the practice and being dedicated to ongoing learning.

Did I know absolutely everything I needed to know? Not really. Did I have the most authentic version of the teachings? No one will ever know. Did I show up fully and share with my whole heart? Absolutely. And did my students learn something new that they can now share with others? You’re damn right they did!

The weekend was more than just about the Reiki Master teachings. It was about embracing ourselves just as we are, taking such good care of ourselves on a regular basis and answering the call to share as much love and healing with others as we can muster. That is true dedication to mastery.  And as the Dalai Lama says,

“The planet does not need more ‘successful people.’ The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds”

Reiki master class photo

Art of Attention

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Earlier this week I got to spend three days with Elena Brower in her Art of Attention Teacher Enhancement Module. She first came onto my radar about 5 years ago at Wanderlust in Squaw Valley. It was clear she was bringing something special to the table and I have continued to follow her and be inspired by her work. I know I will be unpacking the wisdom that she shared over the coming weeks, months and maybe even years but here are some of the stand out gems.

Throughout the three days Elena returned again and again to the simple but profound idea that we have to practice what it is we are seeking. If we want more trust in life, learn how to trust ourselves. If we want to become better teachers, be better students. If we want those around us to act a certain way, lead the way as the example. If we worry about others judging us, stop judging others. If we want abundance in our lives, give abundantly. Remarkably simple but monumentally profound.

Cultivating our own practices was of utmost important to her. What we share with others we must first do ourselves. She implored us all to get serious about our meditation practice and make it a non-negotiable part of our daily lives. I’ll be the first to say my meditation practice is inconsistent at best. I know the value of it and I have periods – sometimes even fairly long ones – where I am very on top of it. And then something gets in the way.

Writing at least one blog post per month is one of the few promises that I have made to myself and actually kept. Keeping a journal is another. I have been consistent in sharing something with the world each month for the past 31 months. It feels good and I am proud of myself. But there are too many other promises that have been broken and frankly the stakes are high. My daily practices determine how I show up in the world and ultimately my overall happiness in life. As Elena put it, “our happiness is our service” and so I recommit to my meditation practice first and foremost. 20 minutes of sitting each day to clear out the accumulation of hurt, doubt, fear, sadness and shitty thoughts.

My gratitude runs deep for some extremely potent teachings that have been passed on to me from Elena and many other gifted teachers. These gifts are largely unwrapped but not yet fully appreciated. They come together over time like pieces of a great puzzle. Sometimes duplicated but always fitting a little differently. I commit to diving in each chance I get so that I can always share from a place of experience.

Elena and I

Elena and I

Art of Attention family

Art of Attention family

Labor Day Lovespiration

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The inspirations for this blog always come from life. My life to be more specific, and often the themes and issues that I see in the lives of the people I work with. As we approach Labor Day and a wedding I will attend over the weekend, I can’t help but think of this little love story. Sometimes the hardest thing we do in life is let more love in.

3 years ago on Labor Day my partner and I decided to go to Seaport Village to play tourist in our own beautiful city. We walked around and then grabbed a snack but couldn’t find anywhere to sit. A couple offered for us to join them and we learned that their names were Pat and Kathy. He was a pilot for FedEx and was overjoyed that his wife was able to join him on a business trip for the first time ever. They told us about their kids and the wonderful life they had shared so far and then asked us about our relationship and if we planned to get married. My boyfriend spoke up and said “Oh, she doesn’t want to get married”

Pat shared that, like me, he had come from divorced parents and told Kathy from the start that he didn’t plan on marrying her. He said “we were together 5 years before we got married but I can honestly say marrying Kathy is the best decision I have ever made”  Cue the tears and the most tender “see it wouldn’t be so bad” look from my love. It was a special moment that I didn’t know would get even better. You could tell the couple was moved as well and Kathy said to Pat that it felt like a “vadeju.” She explained this to be a reverse dejavu and that once when they were our age they saw a cute older couple who had been together a long time. They both felt very inspired by this couple and hoped that one day they would be able to pay it forward. More tears. In fact, as many times as I have told this story I can’t do so without getting goosebumps and a little teary eyed.

We said our goodbyes, mentioned some things to do in San Diego and gave them our free zoo passes that we get for being members. As we walked away my boyfriend had the biggest grin on his face and I think he was sort of skipping (although that’s not terribly out of character) I told him he looked like he had won something. He promptly responded “Oh, I have!” You see, he knew as well as I did that they were placed in front of us for a reason. He barely even believed in that at the time but knew for certain that we were meant to meet them. Sometimes we wish we could find them and say thank you and maybe we will get to someday. But, more than anything we hope we get to inspire another couple down the road with our love and commitment.

My now fiance loves me more than I could ever explain but it has not always been easy for me to accept that love. It’s getting easier and easier and I definitely have Pat and Kathy to thank for that.

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Waterfall kissing in Ecuador

Coming Full Circle on Love and Relationships

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This Memorial Day weekend I went to Kansas City to celebrate the 2 year anniversary of becoming a Reiki master. It was great to come back to the place where so much healing happened and to reflect back on all that has changed. As I prepare to teach Reiki 2 this weekend I am reminded of the path I took and the beautiful life that I co-created. I can’t wait to watch the path of each of my students unfold as well.

The theme of the second level of Reiki is healing relationships; it is the level of love. When I took level 2 in 2012 I set the intention to release a few things that I knew I was still hanging onto. It wasn’t until just before I embarked on my Level 3/Reiki master journey that I truly understood what that meant though. I realized I was having a hard time releasing expectations from a past relationship and got some guidance that if I was not able to release this I would not be successful in my current relationship. After a lot of tears and soul searching I had some more clarity.

My college boyfriend and I had expected to get married, have children and have a happy life together.  We made a lot of promises that were not kept and the break up was terribly painful. Of course anyone who has been through a breakup likely knows this story. The love is true, the promises feel real, and the end is awfully raw and scary. There was no part of me that wished we had stayed together because I knew it would not have worked but nonetheless there is still pain in any loss.

So, I did what any self-healing healer would do. I took the promise ring that we shared with one another and I buried it in the backyard of the place where we stayed in a releasing ceremony under the full moon. All the Reiki sisters gathered ’round and took turns digging into the hard earth until we had a hole large enough to drop in the ring that was inscribed “to my future wife.”  And then we stomped on the freshly dug earth. There may have been some whoops and howling at the moon also. I can guarantee you there was wine.

Since that fateful night I have let more love into my life than I could ever imagine. And as I arrived into Kansas City for the second time I couldn’t help but have a huge smile on my face as I looked at the new ring on the finger of my left hand. I buried a ring and all the energy that went with it to make room for everything I have now, including a new future husband. As for that past boyfriend and all of the experiences we had: I don’t regret any of it and wish him well. I just hope he is happy and learned as much as I did from the time we spent together.

I had hoped to have another full circle moment to share for this post but alas the universe had a different plan in mind. So I remind myself that if it’s meant for me it won’t pass me by.

To love and healing and burying shit in people’s backyards! photo (18)

Angel Cards and Ancestral Blessings

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Last week I drove up to Pasadena for the Hay House “I Can Do It” conference and took an all day course in becoming a certified angel card reader. The course was led by Doreen Virtue who is the author of many books on working with the angels and a dozen or more decks of angel cards. If you are not familiar with her work and have any interest, she is definitely worth looking into. I started working with her cards around the time I started doing energy work. Her deck “Healing with the Angels” was available in my first Healing Touch class. We were invited to pick a card on our break and read the meaning in the enclosed book. I now use them in sessions with clients and on an almost daily basis for myself. I was, to say the least, very excited about the workshop. For the record, anyone can use the angel cards without the training, she just gave us tips to take our readings further.

The workshop was great, Doreen was amazing and inspiring and I met some very nice people. I couldn’t help but have one of those “how did I end up here moments?” though. I often find myself feeling supremely blessed but also a bit puzzled about my spiritual path. Sometimes it seems out of left field that I ended up being an energy healing, yogini, kirtan singer who reads angel cards. In my heart I know that all is perfect and that this is my path but still “how did I end up here?!” A memory was sparked for me and I thought back to the readings my grandma would give me when I was little. She would use a deck of playing cards and I am pretty sure used the Celtic Cross layout we learned in this training. She would tell me things based on the color and the number of the card or if it was a face card. I called her to ask about this and to let her know that she has (as I am realizing) inspired my path in many ways. She shared that her grandma read fortunes and that is where she learned it.

My great-great grandmother came to Idaho from Copenhagen, Denmark. We are not quite sure why or how she got here but in Idaho is where she met my great-great grandfather. Here I have shared the picture of the only belonging of hers that we know of. A book which she has so lovingly and proudly written her name in many times. Josephine Brikamine Petersen although my grandma tells me she called herself “Josephina Brigamina.” So, perhaps my path is not out of left field after all.  Of course, I already knew that but I love discovering this connection with my past. I plan to call in her guidance in my readings even though I’m sure she has always been there. My awareness continues to increase though and as Doreen says the cardinal rule of working with the angels is you have to ask them for their help. you can do itangel card certphoto (15)

The School of Life is Now in Session

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I believe that we are all students in the school of life and we were placed here on Earth in this body to learn certain lessons. The good and the bad of it is that if you do not learn the lesson the first, fifth, or hundredth time, you have to take the class again. I also believe certain lessons continue to show up when they are very important or perhaps when you just need a refresher course. I am traveling in Ecuador and studying Spanish for a month and the lessons are abundant.

There are no coincidences: This one has come up for me a lot lately and I am grateful every time because I often need reminders. All things happen in perfect timing. The first person I met when I got off the plane told me he has been studying Reiki. I am a Reiki master/teacher and this felt like the coolest wink and hug from the universe. The woman where I am staying is just amazing and was the perfect person to come into my life. She embodies all that I have been studying over the past few years. We have talked about things like enjoying the moment by staying in the present, trusting that everything will work out and enjoying the flow of life. Every time we talk, she is telling me something that I have been working on and that has come to be a part of my everyday life. It’s like a review of all my life classes over the last few years.

Water is healing: This is a reccurring theme in my life as well. Just before I left I was going to a weekly yoga class by the water and it was amazing. Here in Cuenca, there are 4 rivers that run through the city. One of them is near my school and I walk by it everyday. There is simply something that is so peaceful about the water; it always brings a smile to my face. To me it represents the flow of life and that the only certainty we have, is change.

Enjoy each moment: Mindfulness is something that I try to work on in my everyday life but I think is especially important when you are experiencing a new culture. There are extraordinary things even in the ordinary moments of life and travel. My host mom exemplified this perfectly on the first day when she was walking me to school. We were walking and talking and she stopped in her tracks to admire a flower in bloom. She said something to the effect of “how beautiful! That wasn’t there before” and it was such a nice reminder to take the time to notice things in life.

It’s not always necessary to eat the minute you feel hungry: Here in Ecuador the biggest meal is lunch. I have traveled other places where that is the case and I really enjoy it. I found when I first arrived that I was feeling pretty hungry by the time lunch arrived (served in the home where I am staying about 1 or 1:30) But, I really enjoyed each bite by the time I ate lunch. I realized that at home I am often rushing to eat as soon as I feel hungry or often times even before I am actually hungry. I don’t think there is anything wrong with feeling hungry for a little bit, it means you are alive and your stomach is working as it should. And, as I have experienced it makes the food that you do eat so much better instead of mindlessly eating something just because you think you need to.

Your personal bubble is not as necessary as you think: I have noticed in Latin America there is much less emphasis on maintaining your personal space. People here kiss on the cheek to say hello to friends and people they have just met (I LOVE this) and you will often find someone will sit right next to you when there are other seats nearby. People tend to stand closer than you might be used to as well. At first it can be a bit strange when people from the US will think twice about sitting next to a stranger on a bench and guys try their hardest to keep a seat in between each other at the movie theater. But, ultimately you end up sharing more experiences this way. Our perception of a personal bubble is keeping us from connecting with others.

Travel the way the locals do: This one is important to me when I go somewhere new. I think you learn a lot about the people and the culture when you take their public transportation. It is not always as comfortable or as easy as getting a guide or going the tourist route but it is worth the experience.

Let go of your plans: I love making plans way ahead of time. I love putting things on my calendar and waiting with excitement and anticipation. I am a planner in my real life but when you are traveling many times you have to abandon your plans. It is totally fine to make plans but be prepared for the great possibility that they won’t always work out. Sometimes the greatest adventures happen when your plans don’t work out.

Health and wellness is a growing trend everywhere: The city where I am staying places great emphasis on exercise and heath. They have created parks with workout equipment and dedicated trails for runners, walkers and bikers. These parks also hold classes that are free or very affordable for the people of the city. Just like in the US, Ecuador has been having a problem with people who are not active enough and their health is affected as a result. Being that I am in the health and wellness business it is really refreshing to see such emphasis on this. It is entertaining and heart warming to hear the music of the exercise classes early in the morning and to see folks getting together later at night to run, jog, dance, walk or bike. I was also able to find a yoga class led by a couple who moved here from the US.

Stay open to the life lessons that are coming your way. Do you continue to be enrolled in the same class but never do the homework or pass the test? For me traveling continues to open my mind and provide me with amazing life lessons. Where do you get your best lessons?

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Trust…No, I mean really trust

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I started getting interested in and studying energy healing about 3 years ago. I really believe it was always a part of me, and of all of us for that matter, but I seriously started paying attention after having my first Reiki session.  I started reading books, meditating more and took my first Healing Touch class; I studied Reiki a bit later. I was hooked!!!

One of the biggest messages handed down from the founder of Healing Touch is to just “do the work.”  It is a simple lesson in trust and not being attached to the outcome but one that is often hard to incorporate.  When I first started energy work I was excited but also anxious to know more and be able to help people by connecting to divine guidance.  I wanted the heavens to open up and for me to receive clear messages that I could deliver to my clients.  As it turns out, intuition did not work that way for me.  When I would do sessions I would get some information but often it seemed muddy and didn’t make much sense.  Sometimes it would be right on and I would be able to connect it to something obvious but other times I was left wondering.  I learned early on from both my teachers and trial and error that even when it doesn’t make sense you should still bring it up with confidence.  That last part didn’t come easily at first and I would often gently mention something but almost as an afterthought that couldn’t possibly be significant.  Client’s picked up on my lack of assurance and there were times I felt very ineffective.  Side note: energy healing is not only about tapping into intuition and receiving guidance but I thought it was SO cool and really wanted to get it right.

My ability to trust increased as I got more practice and gained more confidence and confirmation in the work that I was doing.  Every time that I was able to confidently share some guidance I received and it was accurate, I trusted a little more.  I would also like to say that I reminded myself daily to be in a space of trust and love.  I knew that only in that space would I be able to do my most effective work.

I have been able to trust in the universe a lot more but I was recently reminded that this is still something for me to work on and maybe always will be.  I have received confirmation in at least three different instances that one of my totem animals is a dove.  A totem animal refers to an animal whose energy is similar to yours and in learning about this animal you can learn more about and better understand yourself.  Animal medicine is very powerful and can be a great aid in healing work.  To learn more check out Ted Andrew’s book Animal Speak.  Anyway, I already knew that this was my totem animal but given a recent opportunity to ask an oracle card reader a question, I asked what my totem animal is.  Now, I could lie to myself and say I was just asking to see if I have any other totem animals but the truth is I was testing it.  Sure enough the reader pulled dove and I proceeded to be in a space of relief and of also wondering why I just couldn’t trust my own intuition.  I tell my clients to do this so how can I still be struggling?!

peace-dove-jenni-robison

Art by Jenni Robison

I realized that if I really seek to trust, then I trust that all of this, even my evolution of trusting and my ongoing occasional doubts, are all perfect!  This has been part of my path and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for all the steps along the way.  I continue to work on trusting that all is in perfect order, that my guidance and intuition are meaningful and valuable, that I will manifest things that I desire into my life.  I also trust that I will still need to work on some of the same issues as my clients and that as long as I am constantly striving to be the best person I can be everything is alright!  I still have to remind myself to trust and love but luckily that is one mantra that I don’t think I can ever wear out.  Where can you invite in more trust and love?  Do you still question things and can you honor this as part of your path while striving to trust just a little more than yesterday?