Category Archives: Joy

For The FUN Of It!

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When was the last time you did something just for fun? No agenda, not checking something off your to-do list or any ulterior motive. Fun just for the fun of it.

I don’t do this nearly enough and I am guessing it’s true for you too. Kids and animals are great at reminding us of the importance of play! But even when we take cues from them, adult responsibilities are always looming. It’s easy to get caught up in things we have to do or things we should do, but what if we made play a priority?

Psychologists have started studying the impact of adult play in the last few years and it’s no surprise they are finding it is hugely beneficial. But, it’s something you have to make time for just like you carve out time to exercise or meditate or have a night out with your friends.

I have been feeling bogged down by a lot of things lately and the heaviness shows up in my body. So I’ve decided to make a commitment to doing things for fun each day next month. I am painfully aware of the lack of music in my life and want that, along with dancing to be a large part of my fun. I am open to other explorations of play and have enlisted my husband’s help; he happens to be a very playful person.

I’m not disillusioned about the fact that playing each day won’t solve all of my (and the world’s) problems. But, if it lifts just a bit of the weight that I have been feeling, a weight that leaves me feeling quite restless by the end of the day…I’ll take it!

Who wants to join me? And what will be your first playful action?

photo by Darci Fontenot

Meditation Exaltation

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It was almost three years ago that I took my first yoga teacher intensive with Elena Brower. I learned so much in those three days and yet she said the one thing she wanted us to leave with was the importance of a daily meditation practice. I knew meditation was important and I had dabbled in it but I never fully committed. I don’t know about you but I often have to hear things multiple times in multiple ways before they stick. And so I left that training with my intention set…I would become a daily meditator. And I did! I sat each day for 365 days straight. It was perhaps the most accomplished I had ever felt about anything. I also felt great.

But as life would have it, I did not continue long term with such vigor. I never fully gave up but I had moments where my practice waxed and waned. I had a time where I was more focused on asana and that was a nice change. They are both important and I struggled to balance my time between the two. Also, dedication and consistency do not come naturally to me and so I really have to make an effort. Maybe that is true for everyone but the story I sometimes tell myself is that other people commit and achieve things easier than I do.

My recent dip in dedicated came when we moved back to San Diego. For whatever glorious reason (sheer exhaustion I think) I was sleeping in a lot more than I ever have before. And so my practice suffered. If I don’t sit the moment I wake, before I start other things, it just won’t happen. I felt bad about it (because I packed my meditation cushion and everything!) but I let my body get the rest it needed.

Recently I started a new job and I knew it would be an adjustment. Funny to think when I had all the time in the world I was sleeping in. But now that I am getting up earlier I am making time to sit. It’s so worth it! But I have to choose it each day. I can’t hit snooze or do other things. It helps that right now we are living in one room and my cushion is literally right off my bed. So I roll out of bed, sit down, set my timer and just be.

If you are thinking that you can’t meditate or don’t have the time I challenge you to acknowledge that it doesn’t come easy for any of us and that’s why we practice. Also, we make time for what’s important.

But this is about me and my journey, not yours. Although if you needed that extra loving push to get started or keep going…here it is! I am here to say that meditation has changed my life and I’m grateful for all the times and ways it has enhanced my practice, shown me life lessons and impacted the way I show up in the world. It sounds somewhat silly to say it has made me a better person but it’s the truth. Just sit friends. You won’t regret it. And make sure to forgive yourself and keep going when your practice lags.

It should be noted that there are times when a seated meditation practice can bring up too much and is not recommended. In cases of trauma or extreme emotional distress meditation should either be avoided, approached with extreme caution or done with the support of a trauma informed therapist or meditation instructor. There is a great book on this topic that I just read called “Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness” by David Treleaven. It’s a great read.

photo by Darci Fontenot

In the Void Again

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10 years

10 years since I finished grad school

Gains and losses have passed the time

More grays, more wisdom, more softness

In the liminal space between opportunities

Discomfort paired with gratitude

All is unfolding perfectly

Trust the process

Find small joys

10 years

Abundant & Held

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For the past 5 years or so I have chosen two words to represent my year. I actually do it intuitively, so I feel it’s safe to say the words choose me. A few weeks before the year they sort of just land somewhere in my consciousness (usually early in the morning, while I’m in the shower or some other quiet moment) And then I just get to wait and see how they unfold. I keep the words near me, in my car, on my altar, or in my phone so I see them often. Here’s how 2017 went down.

Abundant

Having enough and often more than enough was a theme this year. I started the year with an abundance of jobs. While it was helpful to our family and I was grateful for this, not all of them served me. It’s always a nice feeling to have enough of everything which I know is far from true for so many people. My husband and I and some friends of ours participated in the women’s march which was an amazing experience. It definitely included an abundance of people (across the world!) showing up for all the right reasons. When a nation elects a man who has so little respect for women and many other groups of people, it’s nice to see that we can fight back with our numbers and our passion. A huge accomplishment and act of abundance that occurred this year was that we paid off my husband’s student loans. This was a debt that was constantly nagging at him (those of you with school debt, or any debt for that matter can probably relate) and he often felt like he would be paying them off forever. It was an act of abundance to pay them and continues to give us abundance in other areas. To me a life well lived includes traveling but I know that this requires an abundance of resources. Many years back my then boyfriend and I opened a bank account specifically for travel and it has served us well over the years. This year brought a trip to Thailand to check in with my husband’s Chinese teachers, some local trips near the Bay Area, back to San Diego to see family, Texas for a family wedding, and a summer trip with my mom (I LOVE our weekend getaways). I am also so grateful to have access to an abundance of amazing trainings and the ability to take part in them. This year, I took a three day training in Somatic Experiencing and Yoga which landed right in my soul and represented the work I do exactly. I finally got to take the 5 day leadership training with Off the Mat, Into the World, which has been on my list for some time and was able to make time for countless other local trainings (mostly yoga related). I am a hungry student always seeking knowledge and I am so lucky to be living in a time and place in the world where I can access information so readily. I also led full and sold out trainings, workshops, circles and retreats and got to join the Conscious San Jose movement through free summer meditations and teaching at the first annual yoga and music festival all of which were a great joy. To me living with the concept of abundance means that we truly trust that there is enough to go around for all. I try to practice this by not grasping at what is not mine be it students, income, jobs or opportunities. If it is meant for me, it won’t pass me by.

Held

Admittedly this is a sort of funny word to choose but as I am unpacking it, I realize how perfect it is because it holds so many meanings. To have or keep, to reserve or retain, to bear, sustain or support, to keep in a specified state, to engage in, to detain and to keep from action. To me it also feels like a hug, a softness and a warmth and maybe a kick in the butt sometimes too. I have experienced many different versions of this in 2017. I have been held in so many community spaces this year. My women’s circles and podcast community, the yoga studio and the group practice where I work and all the beautiful people I met and connected with in my teachings and trainings. I feel so nourished and held by some amazing and supportive hands and hearts. I felt so held in my practices this year. I actually spent less time sitting and more time moving which was lovely. I spent a lot of time with my favorite teacher Elena Brower on YogaGlo and in her Elevate Mentorship. The two years prior I was fortunate enough to spend time with her in person but the online community for which I am plugged into has been very nourishing and has lovingly encouraged me to hold the seat of an artist. I held another new role as clinical supervisor in my work and that was an extremely fruitful experience for me personally and professionally. We also celebrated by being held in a sweat lodge ceremony after my supervisee passed her licensing test. That was an exercise in facing the fear of claustrophobia and the unknown (spoiler: I didn’t make it the whole time but I’m so proud for doing it!). And sometimes to be held is to be held accountable and I found that this year as well. My husband had to sit me down and inform me that I was not walking my walk when it came to being kind and loving towards all. I was getting wrapped up in the hatred for our elected officials (one in particular) and finding comfort in unkind words and comedy at the expense of others. That was a harsh truth and I cried hot tears of acknowledgement and then made an effort to unfollow some pages (sorry Trevor Noah) and watch my language carefully. My husband and I had to hold ourselves accountable when we did not speak up against hatred towards another group. This was a huge lesson and one that did not go unnoticed by us. I furthered this self inquiry in my training with Off the Mat, Into the World where I sat for 5 days being held by the reality that I have more privilege than most. It had me asking how will I be more engaged and of service. It is my job, at least in part, to hold a little more weight in this world simply because I can. I have been held in so much joy and just as much sadness. I found unbridled joy in the embodied practices of singing and dancing, lunches with my husband, travel, nature and time with friends and family. I continue to be held in the sadness of waiting to grow our family, the state of our world and the unimaginable suffering people are enduring daily. I was held in the limbo of anesthesia for a small surgery (so trippy to my adult self since age 5 was my one and only time being under), and held by those things that were not meant for me this year. Through all of it I tried to hold onto hope that even when it seems dire or when nothing makes sense, we are all held by each other and the fact that we are separate but intricately connected. And that ultimately, we are all held by the Great Mother herself.

2017 was far from perfect but I take great honor in not only living this life but also taking the time to acknowledge the journey, the path and the lessons.

It’s funny because I usually don’t waver when my words come to me but this year I am struggling. A few weeks back Clarity and Transformation came through so I wrote them down and then a day or so after that I wrote (Nourishment?) next to it. This morning I drew the butterfly card so I know Transformation is where it’s at but do I want a crystal clear path or do I want to feel cozy and supported along the way? I’ll have to sit with that but I think I know the answer. May your 2018 bring all that you hope for and more. It’s the year of the Dog which I recently learned is me…I always thought I belonged to the year of the boar but because I’m a January baby, I fit in the cycle before my birth year.

My best nine from Instagram @jesalyneatchel

My best nine from Instagram @wildishwisewomen

I Stayed Too Long

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Know that what we do in fear will keep us from our path.

No matter how much the sacrifice seems worth it,

following the HEART is always a better plan.

Wait for the wave of peace that radiates when you are aligned.

Stay close to yourself.

Listen. Breathe. BE.

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Meditation 365

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I did it! A year of meditating every day.

I woke up this morning so so excited…like a kid going to Disneyland. I got my butt to my meditation cushion and felt an immense amount of gratitude. I have showed up for myself again and again and it has made a huge impact.

It hasn’t always been easy or ideal but each day I made a commitment to cultivating more peace and to making time for stillness. It’s the greatest gift I have given myself.

And I find that when life feels rough, meditation is the first thing I want to do now. Not to bypass the emotion but to let it wash over me so it can slowly dissipate. Elena Brower, my teacher and inspiration in all of this, says it’s like inviting the house cleaner over each morning. Meditation sweeps out the dirt life throws at us leaving our hearts polished.

My absolute hope is to keep up this practice but I also know that gentleness and forgiveness is part of this journey. 365 days of devotion to self-love and self-care is a foundation that I know will continue to serve me. Adding in a second afternoon/evening meditation and creating more space for the physical practice are my hopes for the future.

Breath. Softness. Opening to Love. Commitment. Practice. Stillness.

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Svadhisthana Sweetness & Body Paint Delight

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When I was in high school I had a friend once say she wished she could have some of my bravery. I have always been pretty bold in saying what’s on my mind and doing things outside the box. Not brave in the jump out of a plane kind of way but in the tell your crush you like him to his face, travel to developing countries and take all your clothes off and let someone paint you kind of way.

Yeah, that last one…I just did that. The yoga studio where I teach is an incredible community of visionaries and our studio manager created a mash up of yoga, chakras and body paint. I knew very little about body paint and had certainly never had it done myself. So, clearly I jumped at the chance.

The night started with a yoga class taught by me focusing on the chakra of the month, the sacral chakra. It’s all about fluidity, creativity and emotions. Governed by the moon and water, it’s feminine in nature and relates to our sexuality.

Then we moved onto the painting part of the night. I had arrived prepared with my nude panties and nipple tape but my painter was no where to be seen. I started feeling pretty disappointed. Nathalie who organized this event and has been painted many times said “how about I paint you?”

And so she and other members of the community stepped up even though they had never done anything like this before. It was the sweetest team of enthusiastic and interested friends. The artists and models from the Human Art Collective were amazingly supportive and welcoming as well. I had so much fun!

It felt great to be doted upon and painted. I was struck by how normal it was to have someone painting my bum, under my breasts and inside my belly button. There was a meditative quality to it as well. One of the painters agreed it was for her also. She shared that she found herself syncing her painting with her own breath. It was its own kind of yoga.

Here I was practically naked in the studio where I usually teach yoga very much clothed. And yet I felt so comfortable in my body. It briefly occurred to me that my belly was much rounder and my breasts much fuller than the other models (who had all done this previously). Even though this thought crossed my mind, I really wasn’t doing a lot of thinking.

During the couple of hours that I was being painted and then photographed I felt very much in my body. It was such a pleasurable and memorable experience. One I will not soon forget. I loved being painted but I loved even more how it all came together.

And then just like that it was over. One minute I was feeling fully embodied and confident, the next I was sitting in my bathtub covered in coconut oil while my husband scrubbed the paint off my back. Such is life with all its ups and down. So perfectly imperfect.

Yoga class

Yoga class

Loving it!

Loving it!

Finished product

Finished product

Nathalie and I

Nathalie and I

Photo by Ronald Nelson Photography

Photo by Ronald Nelson Photography

Spiritual Hygiene – Just do it!

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I brush my teeth every day…at least twice a day really. But somehow I had convinced myself that I didn’t need to meditate every day. I told countless stories in my head about how I could still be spiritual, a good yogini and healer even, without a consistent meditation practice. It’s not that I didn’t try. I had periods where I got my butt to my cushion several days or even weeks in a row. But, it never became a daily routine I could keep.

I would be lying if I said that I am stellar at being consistent with anything. I struggle to keep healthy habits, like many of us I imagine. I had a period in my life where I juiced every day for close to two years, one of my best streaks to date!

Today, my 90th day of meditation in a row feels pretty sweet. Three months is a solid effort but it truly feels like a habit now. I felt validated about how far I have come this past weekend when I attended the Yoga Journal Live! conference. Friday morning I went to the guided meditation and I found myself wishing for more silence. The facilitator was, I suspect, just trying to make it accessible for everyone but she guided just a little too much for me. I was yearning to just be with my own thoughts. It was a pivotal moment.

Just to clarify, the goal of meditation is not to clear your mind of thoughts. That is an impossible task that would leave all of us feeling like failures. Meditation helps clear out the junk that life throws at us with the simple goal of more peace and a deeper connection to self. There is also a ton of research out there about how helpful it is on a mind, body and spirit level. Even the most skeptical can’t argue with the research about the many benefits of meditation.

I don’t find it easy all the time but just like anything in life, practice really does make better. And I have to say I feel more peaceful about a lot of things. I specifically noticed an area in which I would normally react, and most recently did not.

I totally understand if you are thinking meditation is not for you or if your mind is finding all the excuses. I have been there and I can’t promise I won’t end up there at some point in the future. But just for today, I am happily sitting for 20 minutes each day when I wake. It makes me a better wife, friend, teacher and human in general.

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Thank you – A love poem

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Disclaimer: I hit publish but had to come back and add this. Please know if you are someone who has things they just can’t be grateful for – now or ever. I honor you and that truth. This was just true (and needed) for me today.

Giving thanks for what we have is just the start.

What if we give thanks for what we don’t have, what hasn’t shown up yet or even the challenges that seem to be blocking us?

Each and every piece of this radically beautiful life is just as it should be.

It’s easy to be grateful for all the cosmic yeses and all the things that go just the way we planned but what about the nos, the losses, the failures, the not yets?

These are just as much a part of the story and worthy of our gratitude.

Maybe even more so than all that’s going right because each challenge gets us closer to our truth.

The path is illuminated not just by what falls into place but also by what falls apart.

Be thankful for everything. All of it. The highs and lows. The yeses and nos.

Practice gratitude for each and every precious moment.

Thanksgiving morning wake up call

Thanksgiving morning wake up call

Art of Attention

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Earlier this week I got to spend three days with Elena Brower in her Art of Attention Teacher Enhancement Module. She first came onto my radar about 5 years ago at Wanderlust in Squaw Valley. It was clear she was bringing something special to the table and I have continued to follow her and be inspired by her work. I know I will be unpacking the wisdom that she shared over the coming weeks, months and maybe even years but here are some of the stand out gems.

Throughout the three days Elena returned again and again to the simple but profound idea that we have to practice what it is we are seeking. If we want more trust in life, learn how to trust ourselves. If we want to become better teachers, be better students. If we want those around us to act a certain way, lead the way as the example. If we worry about others judging us, stop judging others. If we want abundance in our lives, give abundantly. Remarkably simple but monumentally profound.

Cultivating our own practices was of utmost important to her. What we share with others we must first do ourselves. She implored us all to get serious about our meditation practice and make it a non-negotiable part of our daily lives. I’ll be the first to say my meditation practice is inconsistent at best. I know the value of it and I have periods – sometimes even fairly long ones – where I am very on top of it. And then something gets in the way.

Writing at least one blog post per month is one of the few promises that I have made to myself and actually kept. Keeping a journal is another. I have been consistent in sharing something with the world each month for the past 31 months. It feels good and I am proud of myself. But there are too many other promises that have been broken and frankly the stakes are high. My daily practices determine how I show up in the world and ultimately my overall happiness in life. As Elena put it, “our happiness is our service” and so I recommit to my meditation practice first and foremost. 20 minutes of sitting each day to clear out the accumulation of hurt, doubt, fear, sadness and shitty thoughts.

My gratitude runs deep for some extremely potent teachings that have been passed on to me from Elena and many other gifted teachers. These gifts are largely unwrapped but not yet fully appreciated. They come together over time like pieces of a great puzzle. Sometimes duplicated but always fitting a little differently. I commit to diving in each chance I get so that I can always share from a place of experience.

Elena and I

Elena and I

Art of Attention family

Art of Attention family