Category Archives: Life Purpose

Hired!

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I’ve always said as a social worker that I will be able to find a job no matter the economy or location. It may not be the best paying or most desirable but there will always be work. With that said, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started a job search last month. Mental health care is always needed in many different ways but maybe it wouldn’t be so easy.

Luckily, not only did I get a job that almost perfectly fits my needs but I also got offers on a few other jobs that were not so perfect. I actually turned down a position and declined an interview for another one. That’s a first for me.

I’m happy to report that I am joining a local private practice Bay Area Mental Health that offers individual and group therapy with a focus on healing trauma. I started seeing clients this week.

I feel compelled to share this news for two reasons.

One because I quite emphatically said I didn’t expect I would go back into therapy. But after some soul searching and reflection I decided it’s my path to help people in this way. I have the skills and I value this work. It is sacred work. And one of my goals in this life is to find sacred spaces and sacred moments as often as possible. It is an honor to support people in embracing their best life.

And two because I am humbled and grateful to be in this position. I haven’t been working much and I really haven’t had to. I know this is a very unique situation to be in. I have definitely had to take the first job offered to me in the past and to be able to be choosy this time around is a huge gift.

I don’t know what the future holds but for now I am happy to be of service and to be back doing this work. It is an honor to sit in front of someone who is willing to share their life, including their pain and their joy, with you.

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Memories of May

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The month of May brought with it several anniversaries and some bittersweet memories. Four years ago this month I became a Reiki master and eight years ago I completed my masters degree and added MSW after my name.

I celebrated my Reiki master anniversary by teaching a level 2 class to some lovely healers. There aren’t enough words to describe how much it means to me to share this technique with others and it was a perfect way to commemorate this milestone. Reiki has brought so much love, healing and connection into my life. I am proud to have a growing group of students who are doing great work in the world.

In reflecting on my social work career, I find myself missing my college days (because really who doesn’t?!) but also my clients and the relationship I had with them.

At my first internship I was afraid to hang out with the clients in the milieu. What would I say to them? I also remember being totally baffled when someone said they forgot a client’s name and then laughing to myself when it was me forgetting. Yes, we establish close relationships with these people but we are human. And honestly some clients are more memorable than others.

It’s an honor to do this work though and it has been filled with moments of tenderness. I have sat and cried with a client who just lost her father. Another whose dog died suddenly. I have kept small keepsakes made or given to me by clients, I still wonder how many of them are doing and I remember the birthday of a client who died each year.

Professional boundaries keep us from being able to stay in touch, but it doesn’t mean we don’t remember the connections we have made which often happen in a persons most vulnerable times in life. We sometimes spend more time with our clients than we do with our own family and close friends.

I’ve been out of the social work game for some time now and I don’t know if I’ll go back. But I do miss the deep connections I made and that I got to be there for so many people when they needed support and comfort. I can only hope maybe they think of me from time to time too. And not even me per se, but something I shared with them or the feeling they had of being accepted and understood.

Art of Attention

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Earlier this week I got to spend three days with Elena Brower in her Art of Attention Teacher Enhancement Module. She first came onto my radar about 5 years ago at Wanderlust in Squaw Valley. It was clear she was bringing something special to the table and I have continued to follow her and be inspired by her work. I know I will be unpacking the wisdom that she shared over the coming weeks, months and maybe even years but here are some of the stand out gems.

Throughout the three days Elena returned again and again to the simple but profound idea that we have to practice what it is we are seeking. If we want more trust in life, learn how to trust ourselves. If we want to become better teachers, be better students. If we want those around us to act a certain way, lead the way as the example. If we worry about others judging us, stop judging others. If we want abundance in our lives, give abundantly. Remarkably simple but monumentally profound.

Cultivating our own practices was of utmost important to her. What we share with others we must first do ourselves. She implored us all to get serious about our meditation practice and make it a non-negotiable part of our daily lives. I’ll be the first to say my meditation practice is inconsistent at best. I know the value of it and I have periods – sometimes even fairly long ones – where I am very on top of it. And then something gets in the way.

Writing at least one blog post per month is one of the few promises that I have made to myself and actually kept. Keeping a journal is another. I have been consistent in sharing something with the world each month for the past 31 months. It feels good and I am proud of myself. But there are too many other promises that have been broken and frankly the stakes are high. My daily practices determine how I show up in the world and ultimately my overall happiness in life. As Elena put it, “our happiness is our service” and so I recommit to my meditation practice first and foremost. 20 minutes of sitting each day to clear out the accumulation of hurt, doubt, fear, sadness and shitty thoughts.

My gratitude runs deep for some extremely potent teachings that have been passed on to me from Elena and many other gifted teachers. These gifts are largely unwrapped but not yet fully appreciated. They come together over time like pieces of a great puzzle. Sometimes duplicated but always fitting a little differently. I commit to diving in each chance I get so that I can always share from a place of experience.

Elena and I

Elena and I

Art of Attention family

Art of Attention family

Love Like the Banks of the River

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My commitment to myself and this site is one post per month so I already had a blog topic planned out. As much as I like being a free spirit, I also dig a good plan and find it comes in handy in many ways. But, because life is funny like that and I can be flexible, something else caught my attention.

My husband made a comment the other night that his path in life is clear, now I just need to find mine. At first my feelings were hurt…”What, I don’t have a clear path?!” But the more I thought about it the more I realized I only know vaguely what I want to do: help others. But it constantly changes and evolves each time I get inspired or learn something new. I thought I was destined to be a therapist starting as young as my peer helper days and into my clear delineation in the field of Psychology and Social Work. But that hasn’t brought me the joy and fulfillment that I desire and so I find myself searching for how to make a difference, keep my sanity and love my work.

Blake believes his purpose in life is to love me. Plain and simple. No strings attached. Just love me for me. Wow, right?! In fact, he says he felt this very strongly from the beginning of our relationship even before he knew for sure it was love. He didn’t tell me until we were more established as a couple and when a few of my trust issue barriers had been broken down a bit. Even then it was a lot for me to absorb. I know not everyone finds a partner like this although I know a few others who feel an intense amount of devotion from their partner. As absolutely lovely as it is sometimes it can be scary as well. And to some it sounds crazy. I recently shared this with a friend and their response was “Isn’t that a little obsessive?” Ha! Why, yes, yes it is! But not in a creepy stalker way, in a this love is so big I can’t contain it way. And yet that’s exactly what his love does: contain me. It literally creates a container for me to figure out how I want to serve.

Like the banks of a river creating shape, preventing an all out flood, my lovers intense love for me lets me be the river. I may tumble some rocks along the way, float leaves and twigs to a new destination and nourish the plants and animals who live nearby.  But, above all I get to flow freely.

Let me be clear, my husband’s devotion to me does not mean he has no interests of his own or that he follows me around like a lap dog. He is perfectly capable of moving through the world and taking care of his own shit. But like many of us who seek to find a purpose in life, it just makes things easier.

And also just because my purpose and path is not necessarily only about loving him does not mean that I am not also a devoted, loving wife. It is my honor to be married to him and we all win when there is enough love to go around for all. I may never get crystal clear on what my specific path is either. I know giving back and making the world a nicer place is on my list of to-dos in this life but that may show up in hundreds of ever-changing ways and I’m ok with that. I know the banks of the river will hold me as long as they are needed and that is one of the greatest blessings I can imagine.

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