Category Archives: Living Your Yoga

I Found God On My Yoga Mat

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I didn’t grow up religious. The rare church service I attended was with family or friends and it always seemed strange to me. We talked very little of God in my house. I didn’t pray. I knew I believed in something but it was not a well developed idea.

I found yoga when I was 17. It challenged me and made me curious. What was going on in my body and in my energy system I wondered. Why do I feel such bliss at the end?

I found God on my yoga mat in a Seane Corn class maybe 8 years ago. She asked us to call in the God of our own unique understanding. That was a game changer for me. I cried big alligator tears. Tears of truth and of love. I get to decide who God is to me? God was on my mat in that moment, God was in me and all around me.

A few years after that I went to New Hampshire on a whim for a weekend of kirtan (something I knew very little about) That first night I was moved the way I had seen people moved to tears singing hymns in church. This was a completely new feeling for me but it felt right.

There was such freedom in exploring a definition of God that transcended what I had been told. God didn’t have to be relegated to church or Bible stories. The word God actually made me uncomfortable for many years. I cringed when people mentioned God, religion or prayer.

Now I regularly seek divinity in all things. God can be found in the crispness of the early morning air, a beautiful flower or hummingbird. in the sweet kisses my husband gives me or in the sun setting over the ocean. And most especially on my mat when it’s just my practice, my body and the God of my choosing.

Off the Mat into the World training where I got to tell Seane (middle) that she brought God into my yoga.

Vacationing While White

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My husband and I recently traveled to Maui with his family. Let me first say that we were there to celebrate with his sister and her husband on 10 years of marriage. It is such a blessing to have family to spend time with and I am always in favor of celebrating love and relationships. That part was wonderful! However, not everything left me feeling settled and satisfied with our travel choices.

The first night we went to a luau. Everyone was excited to be there, drink their first Mai Tai and be together. Our host was lovely and the dancers were fun to watch. But I couldn’t shake or really pinpoint this very uncomfortable feeling I was having. I thought maybe it was because it all felt very rehearsed and showy or maybe I was just tired from the travel. The next day my husband’s aunt made a very astute observation, we were a sea of white folks being entertained by brown people. The feelings from the night before came rushing in again; that was it!

My husband and I both noticed and openly discussed how white our resort was. Resort stays are not really our jam but again we were there with family. We started paying attention to non-white people we saw who did not work for the hotel. In our week stay we didn’t even count a dozen. We got excited when we saw a small group of black ladies but also wondered what it must feel like to be them. They were upbeat and seemed to be having a good time but if we felt weird about how white our resort was, who knows what it was like for them. Although depending on their experiences in the world those ladies might have been all too used to being the only people of color in their sphere.

With white skin I move through the world mostly undetected. Being in the south of India as a rare group of non-Indians was the most I have ever stood out and it was for good reasons. People wanted to take their picture with us and had smiles a mile wide. Traveling as a woman without a man has raised some eyebrows also but nothing too concerning.

I realize Maui brings in a lot of money through tourism and bolsters its economy in this way, but I wonder, is there a better way? The culture is so rich and while we did get little glimpses of that in our interactions, it was mostly hidden or masked by shows and entertainment. We take full responsibility for not doing a ton of research on the best ways to immerse yourself in Hawaiian culture. I think we figured it would be a toes in the sand, drink in hand kind of trip. To some extent that was our experience but we also felt like we missed out by staying in the land of white tourists.

Ultimately, my husband and I are trying to increase our awareness of white privilege and ways we can avoid engaging in blatant displays of said privilege. We certainly don’t have all the answers but we are trying to ask the questions and make decisions accordingly. Where we spend our time and money makes an impact and says a lot about who we are.

This is not meant to be a criticism of anyone who finds this type of trip blissful. Time off from work is precious and not plentiful enough in America which means sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first. But I do think it’s important for white people to question spaces that do not include people of color and/or make it difficult for them to feel included.

Maui holds some nice memories, including time spent with family, but next time we travel we hope to engage a little more closely with the land and the people as well as choose a place that’s more inclusive of all.

A great family shot at the vow renewal

A delicious Italian dinner

My best attempt at an underwater shot while snorkeling with non-profit org Pacific Whale Foundation

Meditation 365

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I did it! A year of meditating every day.

I woke up this morning so so excited…like a kid going to Disneyland. I got my butt to my meditation cushion and felt an immense amount of gratitude. I have showed up for myself again and again and it has made a huge impact.

It hasn’t always been easy or ideal but each day I made a commitment to cultivating more peace and to making time for stillness. It’s the greatest gift I have given myself.

And I find that when life feels rough, meditation is the first thing I want to do now. Not to bypass the emotion but to let it wash over me so it can slowly dissipate. Elena Brower, my teacher and inspiration in all of this, says it’s like inviting the house cleaner over each morning. Meditation sweeps out the dirt life throws at us leaving our hearts polished.

My absolute hope is to keep up this practice but I also know that gentleness and forgiveness is part of this journey. 365 days of devotion to self-love and self-care is a foundation that I know will continue to serve me. Adding in a second afternoon/evening meditation and creating more space for the physical practice are my hopes for the future.

Breath. Softness. Opening to Love. Commitment. Practice. Stillness.

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Spiritual Hygiene – Just do it!

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I brush my teeth every day…at least twice a day really. But somehow I had convinced myself that I didn’t need to meditate every day. I told countless stories in my head about how I could still be spiritual, a good yogini and healer even, without a consistent meditation practice. It’s not that I didn’t try. I had periods where I got my butt to my cushion several days or even weeks in a row. But, it never became a daily routine I could keep.

I would be lying if I said that I am stellar at being consistent with anything. I struggle to keep healthy habits, like many of us I imagine. I had a period in my life where I juiced every day for close to two years, one of my best streaks to date!

Today, my 90th day of meditation in a row feels pretty sweet. Three months is a solid effort but it truly feels like a habit now. I felt validated about how far I have come this past weekend when I attended the Yoga Journal Live! conference. Friday morning I went to the guided meditation and I found myself wishing for more silence. The facilitator was, I suspect, just trying to make it accessible for everyone but she guided just a little too much for me. I was yearning to just be with my own thoughts. It was a pivotal moment.

Just to clarify, the goal of meditation is not to clear your mind of thoughts. That is an impossible task that would leave all of us feeling like failures. Meditation helps clear out the junk that life throws at us with the simple goal of more peace and a deeper connection to self. There is also a ton of research out there about how helpful it is on a mind, body and spirit level. Even the most skeptical can’t argue with the research about the many benefits of meditation.

I don’t find it easy all the time but just like anything in life, practice really does make better. And I have to say I feel more peaceful about a lot of things. I specifically noticed an area in which I would normally react, and most recently did not.

I totally understand if you are thinking meditation is not for you or if your mind is finding all the excuses. I have been there and I can’t promise I won’t end up there at some point in the future. But just for today, I am happily sitting for 20 minutes each day when I wake. It makes me a better wife, friend, teacher and human in general.

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Art of Attention

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Earlier this week I got to spend three days with Elena Brower in her Art of Attention Teacher Enhancement Module. She first came onto my radar about 5 years ago at Wanderlust in Squaw Valley. It was clear she was bringing something special to the table and I have continued to follow her and be inspired by her work. I know I will be unpacking the wisdom that she shared over the coming weeks, months and maybe even years but here are some of the stand out gems.

Throughout the three days Elena returned again and again to the simple but profound idea that we have to practice what it is we are seeking. If we want more trust in life, learn how to trust ourselves. If we want to become better teachers, be better students. If we want those around us to act a certain way, lead the way as the example. If we worry about others judging us, stop judging others. If we want abundance in our lives, give abundantly. Remarkably simple but monumentally profound.

Cultivating our own practices was of utmost important to her. What we share with others we must first do ourselves. She implored us all to get serious about our meditation practice and make it a non-negotiable part of our daily lives. I’ll be the first to say my meditation practice is inconsistent at best. I know the value of it and I have periods – sometimes even fairly long ones – where I am very on top of it. And then something gets in the way.

Writing at least one blog post per month is one of the few promises that I have made to myself and actually kept. Keeping a journal is another. I have been consistent in sharing something with the world each month for the past 31 months. It feels good and I am proud of myself. But there are too many other promises that have been broken and frankly the stakes are high. My daily practices determine how I show up in the world and ultimately my overall happiness in life. As Elena put it, “our happiness is our service” and so I recommit to my meditation practice first and foremost. 20 minutes of sitting each day to clear out the accumulation of hurt, doubt, fear, sadness and shitty thoughts.

My gratitude runs deep for some extremely potent teachings that have been passed on to me from Elena and many other gifted teachers. These gifts are largely unwrapped but not yet fully appreciated. They come together over time like pieces of a great puzzle. Sometimes duplicated but always fitting a little differently. I commit to diving in each chance I get so that I can always share from a place of experience.

Elena and I

Elena and I

Art of Attention family

Art of Attention family

The Yoga of Patience

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The theme of my yoga class the other day was patience. Inspired by a section from Judith Lasater’s “Living Your Yoga,” we explored how yoga can help us cultivate patience both on and off the mat. Luckily life gives us many opportunities to practice.

My husband and I recently returned from a lovely honeymoon in Costa Rica to find out that we have to move. We quickly found a great place and will be moved by the end of the month.

Everything fell into place for this move without a hitch so I know it was all for the best. But what about the stuff that doesn’t come together so easily? What about the stuff that drags on – dragging you with it – without a positive end in sight? Is that also for the highest good?

That’s where patience and often a whole lot of faith and trust comes in. Sometimes we swiftly see the outcome of a situation and the reasons it worked out the way it did and other times it’s a much longer and more arduous process. I am trudging through the mud with some how-the-hell-do-I-know-this-will-all-work-out issues in addition to acquiring a fancy new place at lightening speed. Life is not always easy and effortless.

I offered the mantra “everything is moving at the proper speed” to myself and my students. It’s easy to curse the fact that we cannot determine the speed at which things move and their outcome. But what if we decide that everything is in fact progressing just as it should?

As we transition out of summer and into fall in the northern hemisphere, nature reminds us that things happen in perfect timing. The temperature begins to drop, darkness sets in earlier and earlier, and the leaves change color and fall just as they should. Nature does not question timing nor process and neither should we. Think of the seed who must first be buried in darkness in order to sprout up towards the light. Or the caterpillar who literally turns to goo in its cocoon before becoming a beautiful butterfly.

Those moments before transformation are scary and can seem to drag on forever. But if you have ever had to wait for something really good, be it a pose, a person or a purpose, you know that timing is relative and some things are worth it.

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The park across the street from my current place – I will miss that view!