Dear Plant Babies

Posted on February 26, 2019 by jesalynjae

I know I have been less than skilled in being a caretaker for you in the past. But, I am turning over a new leaf (get it?!) and claiming this the year of keeping things alive. 2018 brought me a move back to my beloved San Diego and the good fortune of becoming a homeowner. 2019 is allowing me the time and space to make my house a home including filling it with living, breathing plant life.

The story I have been telling myself about not being good at taking care of plants is just that, a story. But, my black thumb storyline is no longer working for me. Our words have power and my new story is that of a plant priestess who grows all things with ease.

There are so many stories we accept as truth simply because it’s easier, more familiar or we just don’t believe in our own magic.

So, little plant babies, I vow to do my very best. You will get names and kind words, reiki, water and sunshine. I might even sing to you. Because who wouldn’t thrive with all of that love. May I also remember to offer all of this to myself and the other human and animal folks around me.

Please don’t die!

Plantfully yours,

Jesalyn

I Found God On My Yoga Mat

Posted on October 30, 2018 by jesalynjae

I didn’t grow up religious. The rare church service I attended was with family or friends and it always seemed strange to me. We talked very little of God in my house. I didn’t pray. I knew I believed in something but it was not a well developed idea.

I found yoga when I was 17. It challenged me and made me curious. What was going on in my body and in my energy system I wondered. Why do I feel such bliss at the end?

I found God on my yoga mat in a Seane Corn class maybe 8 years ago. She asked us to call in the God of our own unique understanding. That was a game changer for me. I cried big alligator tears. Tears of truth and of love. I get to decide who God is to me? God was on my mat in that moment, God was in me and all around me.

A few years after that I went to New Hampshire on a whim for a weekend of kirtan (something I knew very little about) That first night I was moved the way I had seen people moved to tears singing hymns in church. This was a completely new feeling for me but it felt right.

There was such freedom in exploring a definition of God that transcended what I had been told. God didn’t have to be relegated to church or Bible stories. The word God actually made me uncomfortable for many years. I cringed when people mentioned God, religion or prayer.

Now I regularly seek divinity in all things. God can be found in the crispness of the early morning air, a beautiful flower or hummingbird. in the sweet kisses my husband gives me or in the sun setting over the ocean. And most especially on my mat when it’s just my practice, my body and the God of my choosing.

Off the Mat into the World training where I got to tell Seane (middle) that she brought God into my yoga.

For The FUN Of It!

Posted on September 30, 2018 by jesalynjae

When was the last time you did something just for fun? No agenda, not checking something off your to-do list or any ulterior motive. Fun just for the fun of it.

I don’t do this nearly enough and I am guessing it’s true for you too. Kids and animals are great at reminding us of the importance of play! But even when we take cues from them, adult responsibilities are always looming. It’s easy to get caught up in things we have to do or things we should do, but what if we made play a priority?

Psychologists have started studying the impact of adult play in the last few years and it’s no surprise they are finding it is hugely beneficial. But, it’s something you have to make time for just like you carve out time to exercise or meditate or have a night out with your friends.

I have been feeling bogged down by a lot of things lately and the heaviness shows up in my body. So I’ve decided to make a commitment to doing things for fun each day next month. I am painfully aware of the lack of music in my life and want that, along with dancing to be a large part of my fun. I am open to other explorations of play and have enlisted my husband’s help; he happens to be a very playful person.

I’m not disillusioned about the fact that playing each day won’t solve all of my (and the world’s) problems. But, if it lifts just a bit of the weight that I have been feeling, a weight that leaves me feeling quite restless by the end of the day…I’ll take it!

Who wants to join me? And what will be your first playful action?

photo by Darci Fontenot

Haiku Very Much

Posted on February 28, 2018 by jesalynjae

I’ve made it a new normal to make time for creativity. Painting, writing, drawing, dancing. It’s still a struggle since it is a new reality for me but it’s imperative. I can no longer hide behind the guise of not being a creative person. I tried and it doesn’t work. A beautiful byproduct of being human is that we are all creative. Let me say that again for those of you hiding like I was: WE ARE ALL CREATIVE! And I have to create to keep the channel open. It doesn’t have to be good but I still have to create to keep the juices flowing. The pool of creativity is endless but you have to jump in and get wet. Putting paint on paper has been a huge healer for me as has writing haikus. It’s one of the easiest things to create on the fly and it’s quite fun. 3 lines, 5, 7 & 5 syllables, endless opportunities. Here are a few of mine.

Change is coming soon.
Full moon magic gently calls.
Peace through transition

Waiting, wishing, hope.
Believe. All is provided.
Trust the Universe.

My evolution
creates transformation. Breathe.
Ride the waves of life.

No one got the rules
of how to be an adult.
We are all fumbling.

Be patient. Forgive
Yourself and others. Choose love.
Time waits for no one.

A Return to Love

Posted on July 30, 2017 by jesalynjae

I read A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson for the first time in 2012. I have since read it again and likely not for the last time. I can distinctly remember the shift my brain had to make to integrate the idea that our nature is love, and anything that does not look like love is just a request for more love. It certainly made sense on a fundamental level but this is not the message we get in everyday life, so it took some getting used to.

Last night I got to see Marianne speak in Santa Cruz. It was really wonderful but she was actually quite different in person than I expected. Her speech was a fiery sermon aimed to get us worked up about the times we live in right now. She said that it’s not the first time society has strayed outside of what is moral and ethical but let us not be the first people in history to do nothing about it.

Of course we have to take action to make change, but the predictable plot twist is that it has little to do with others and everything to do with ourselves. It all comes back to us. How can we be more loving, more accepting, more devoted. “get the message IN first”. Then and only then can we collectively make the shifts that are needed. She addressed the need for the spiritual community to get more involved in politics so that the needle can be moved in the right direction.

Her ability to share perspectives and address human concerns was so highly skillful it was just an honor to witness. And as much as she is all about love, she is also about being straightforward and encouraging personal responsibility.

She called a few people out during the Q & A portion in a way that had me clapping in agreement, but also left me wondering if I would have been crying had I been in their shoes. One of these moments that stuck with me the most was when a woman shared difficulty in living with her father. She reported he brought “negative male energy” into the house. “This has to stop right now” Marianne said “that is not nice to men and it’s NOT ok”, I appreciate that she named this epidemic of putting men down.

But of course there is also the other side of the coin where women are still suppressed on so many levels. She said “let women speak in declarative sentences and say what they want”. She addressed the high incidence of depression in women and that if we are actually paying attention it makes perfect sense that we are depressed.

She encouraged us to always look for the lesson and where you could have reacted with more love. Can we make it our practice to send love to everything and everyone to overcome the hate that exists right now. This does not mean we blindly put up with everything in the name of love though. She said it’s time for us to own our yes and own our no. “Love always gives the loving response and sometimes the response is no”

Practice is key! Start in the morning, fill your consciousness with light and pray to the God of your own understanding to be of service. “Everything you do is your ministry”. As the Course in Miracles says: Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say and to whom?

My girlfriends and I stood in line for her book signing. I didn’t have anything for her to sign but I joined in a photo we requested. At the very end there was a moment where she made direct eye contact (the type of gaze that made me feel like she really saw me) and I said thank you so much. I immediately remembered something from a part of her speech where she said that when you are on this path and leading a life of love and purpose, there is a light in your eyes. Other people who have it, recognize it, and people who don’t have it want to know where you got it.

Ever a work in progress, I’m so grateful to be doing the best I can each day, making practice a priority and fully experiencing all the parts of life. And as Marianne said “It’s not over ’til the happy part”

Love & Soul Conversations

Posted on March 31, 2017 by jesalynjae

Today is my second wedding anniversary and our eighth year as a couple. We will celebrate together tonight and then I teach a Level 2 Reiki class on Sunday. Reiki 2 is a celebration and a homecoming of its own for me. My master presented it to me as the level of love and of healing relationships and I really took that to heart. The personal work that I did following my initiation into the second level of Reiki was the healing balm my heart needed to embrace marriage. I left the past in the past and opened my heart to a love-filled future with the best guy.

Now I teach the idea of finding solace from the feelings and emotions that accompany human relationships. Life is messy and heart break is real but love and compassion heal so many things. We often need to let go of the past to make room for what the future holds. It might seem ideal to hash it out in person, but sometimes it’s not appropriate or possible. Enter the soul conversation…

When individuals come together on a soul level much can be accomplished. If there is a situation, relationship or person that needs healing, consider doing the work in a meditation or dream state. Soul conversations give us the opportunity to take responsibility for our actions, ask for and offer forgiveness and send love to the situation. It’s important to recognize the role we played in the relationship, this is not a time for shaming and blaming. Each relationship has something to teach us and propels us into our next stage of personal growth.

Starting in meditation, take a few deep breaths offering love to yourself and your journey. Say a prayer or set an intention such as:

“May I find healing for the highest good of all concerned. May I take responsibility for my role and forgive both myself and the other parties. May the love that is offered up transform pain into sweetness, stuck energy into freedom.”

Ask to connect with the person or situation and have the conversation that you might like to have in person. Honor your part, share any sadness or anger, maybe even remember fun times too. Ask if they have anything to say and ask that they support you in letting go. Then fill the space between you with love. It may seem silly or not real but as is true with energy work, action follows intention. Whatever you come up with, even if it seems made up, is as real an experience as any other.

End with gratitude for self. Gratitude for the individual. Gratitude for life and the Divine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It may take various times with some reflection in between. Be patient and kind during this process and recognize achievements. Then watch life bloom.

I celebrate love every day and each time I return to teach Reiki, I find new levels of healing that are revealed. Each layer that we unveil is a gift and an opportunity. May we all step into our highest self with an open heart.

Metta Meditation: Loving-Kindness for Peace

Posted on February 28, 2017 by jesalynjae

I have always been an optimist. I believe there is good in everyone and I seek to find it even in the most challenging of people. When I was young and read The Diary of Anne Frank, I was absolutely floored and intrigued with her famous quote “In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart”.

Recently the actions of another person negatively impacted my family and our future. It came out of nowhere and it turned my world upside down. I found myself with a lot of negative feelings toward this person. Hate is not the word I would use (ok, maybe a little!) but definitely a very close emotional cousin. I was definitely angry, scared and frustrated; feelings that left me drained on multiple levels. I knew I needed an energetic shift.

Enter metta meditation. I have been meditating daily for the past year or so and it has changed my life dramatically. Usually I sit in stillness with a mantra but I knew I needed something more. Loving-kindness meditation works with a series of phrases that you say to yourself and then other people in your life, including what is known as the difficult person. I sent loving-kindness to this person. This person I was angry at, the one who had disrupted my charmed life and left me pissed and not feeling very yoga like.

The phrases of my practice were simple

May you be happy

May you be healthy

May you be free from suffering

May you live in peace

The practice starts with self, then a beloved person, a neutral person, the difficult person, a group of people and finally the whole world. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks each time I reached this difficult person. I did not want to hold anything against them, I just couldn’t bear it. I know that they acted out of fear and that they likely live in fear more often than not. I did not want to contribute to their difficult emotions with my own hate. The phrases were a gift, the tears a deep relief. And so I found myself sending these phrases out into the world from my humble heart not just in the morning but many times throughout the day. Each time, a little bit of my hardness softened, I opened up to the blessings of this experience, this lesson in love.

I can’t say that I am completely cured of any resentment since the actions of this person continue to reverberate out in my life. But, I feel more at peace and know that it is in everyone’s best interest that I not hold onto negative emotions. Life is funny and continues to give me plenty of other opportunities to practice. And so I find myself returning to these phrases that are my wish for this world.

May we all be happy. May we all be healthy. May we all be free from suffering. And may we all live in peace.

Love Trumps Hate

Posted on November 11, 2016 by jesalynjae

I fully expected to be writing a post this month about how we finally have our first woman president. Even though I was not thrilled with Hillary as a candidate, I was excited about the prospect of society shattering that glass ceiling. I felt the historic nature of that moment and was genuinely looking forward to being part of herstory in the making. I was not at all prepared for the outcome of this election nor the utter despair that I felt as a result. I wept, my heart raced and I felt like I could not breathe.

Below I am sharing a Facebook post that I put on my personal page. It resulted in a few people being unfriended. If my views here are offensive to you I consider it within your right to stop following me as well. But I won’t be silent and believe it is my duty as a woman, a yogini and a human to speak out.

“Wednesday morning, in the wake of my own shock, I led my weekly support group for women who have survived assault and/or abuse. What could I possibly tell them I thought? America has just elected a man who has zero regard for women and their safety or right to consent. And so I told them the only thing I could think and I will share with you here:

Take time to feel all that you need to feel. Cry, scream, curse, be angry, frightened, sad, lost. Take all the time you need but just promise me you won’t stay there.

Take very good care of yourself. Right now you have control over what you put in your body, the thoughts you think and how you show up in the world. It will not be easy. We are up against some serious hate and it isn’t right. But, we need to stick together more than ever right now.

When you are ready and have taken care of you, look women (and all others for that matter) in the eye on the street, smile at them and send them love and support. Remember when we act out of love not hate we protest all that he represents and apparently what much of the US represents as well. We have to be the change we want to see.

And something I didn’t say to them (because I didn’t need to) but I would like to add is that please know we are not angry/sad/scared/shocked because our candidate lost. Hillary was not my candidate, Bernie was. But, at least she represented inclusion, diversity, equality and respect for all people. The people have spoken and they have chosen someone who time and time again has stood for division, hate and frankly an America I am ashamed of right now.”

I plan to heed my own advise and take whatever time I need to heal. This grief and sadness is real. The fear of an unknown future is very real too. But then when I am done mourning I will pick myself up and get ready for the fight of a lifetime. If my government does not represent me, I will represent myself. Using love as my weapon and community as my army we will tackle this together. We have no choice. For some of us, our life depends on it.

Jesalyn_09

Meditation 365

Posted on October 22, 2016 by jesalynjae

I did it! A year of meditating every day.

I woke up this morning so so excited…like a kid going to Disneyland. I got my butt to my meditation cushion and felt an immense amount of gratitude. I have showed up for myself again and again and it has made a huge impact.

It hasn’t always been easy or ideal but each day I made a commitment to cultivating more peace and to making time for stillness. It’s the greatest gift I have given myself.

And I find that when life feels rough, meditation is the first thing I want to do now. Not to bypass the emotion but to let it wash over me so it can slowly dissipate. Elena Brower, my teacher and inspiration in all of this, says it’s like inviting the house cleaner over each morning. Meditation sweeps out the dirt life throws at us leaving our hearts polished.

My absolute hope is to keep up this practice but I also know that gentleness and forgiveness is part of this journey. 365 days of devotion to self-love and self-care is a foundation that I know will continue to serve me. Adding in a second afternoon/evening meditation and creating more space for the physical practice are my hopes for the future.

Breath. Softness. Opening to Love. Commitment. Practice. Stillness.

Make New Friends but Keep The Old

Posted on June 30, 2016 by jesalynjae

I’m at the point in my life where I can say something happened 10, 15, or 20 years ago and I wasn’t still in diapers…or even grade school. My grandma used to tell me stories of things that happened 10+ years ago. When I was young, that seemed like such a long time ago but to her it was just a drop in the bucket.

Now, 1998, the year I started high school, is almost 20 years away. And I’m amazed and blessed to say that one of my childhood friends and I have known each other for 25 years. 25 years! 25 years of growing up together, laughing, crying, having fun, making memories and achieving life milestones. It’s our Silver Anniversary of Friendship. Yes, I’m making that a thing with an official title.

Emily and I were in the same class in third grade but it wasn’t until we both started going to the Boys and Girls Club after school that we really started hanging out. We quickly became best buds and spent most of our time together.

Over the years there have been ups and downs but thankfully we have stayed connected. We know each others stories, all about our families and always want the best for one another.

Friendships are an amazing part of life especially when they span the ages. I feel like you really have to learn to be a good friend. Some of the qualities of friendship are innate but it’s a part of life to grow into your role as a kind, thoughtful, be-there-when-it-counts friend.

I’ve made mistakes over the years with this relationship. Poor communication, petty arguments, not being there for important moments, saying the wrong thing and overall shitty immature behavior. But, those are the life lessons that we get during our time in Earth school. I’m grateful I had the opportunity to figure it out as I went and luckily at this point the good times far outweigh the not so good.

I feel so fortunate to have always had at least a few good female relationships throughout my life. My friendship with Emily has contributed to my current passion for bringing women together for support and connection. I talk to many women who have struggled to maintain relationships with other women stating “I’ve always connected more with guys.”

I believe women need each other. We are stronger together and I vow to continue to nurture my female relationships so that I can be living proof of this truth.

Emily now has a daughter and she recently took time away from her mama duties to come visit me and see my life in San Jose. I have some new friends here but nothing beats the comfort of an old friend. At the end of the day we all just want to be seen, accepted as we are and loved unconditionally. Thanks Emily for being my Silver Friend. Let’s go for Gold!