My commitment to myself and this site is one post per month so I already had a blog topic planned out. As much as I like being a free spirit, I also dig a good plan and find it comes in handy in many ways. But, because life is funny like that and I can be flexible, something else caught my attention.
My husband made a comment the other night that his path in life is clear, now I just need to find mine. At first my feelings were hurt…”What, I don’t have a clear path?!” But the more I thought about it the more I realized I only know vaguely what I want to do: help others. But it constantly changes and evolves each time I get inspired or learn something new. I thought I was destined to be a therapist starting as young as my peer helper days and into my clear delineation in the field of Psychology and Social Work. But that hasn’t brought me the joy and fulfillment that I desire and so I find myself searching for how to make a difference, keep my sanity and love my work.
Blake believes his purpose in life is to love me. Plain and simple. No strings attached. Just love me for me. Wow, right?! In fact, he says he felt this very strongly from the beginning of our relationship even before he knew for sure it was love. He didn’t tell me until we were more established as a couple and when a few of my trust issue barriers had been broken down a bit. Even then it was a lot for me to absorb. I know not everyone finds a partner like this although I know a few others who feel an intense amount of devotion from their partner. As absolutely lovely as it is sometimes it can be scary as well. And to some it sounds crazy. I recently shared this with a friend and their response was “Isn’t that a little obsessive?” Ha! Why, yes, yes it is! But not in a creepy stalker way, in a this love is so big I can’t contain it way. And yet that’s exactly what his love does: contain me. It literally creates a container for me to figure out how I want to serve.
Like the banks of a river creating shape, preventing an all out flood, my lovers intense love for me lets me be the river. I may tumble some rocks along the way, float leaves and twigs to a new destination and nourish the plants and animals who live nearby. But, above all I get to flow freely.
Let me be clear, my husband’s devotion to me does not mean he has no interests of his own or that he follows me around like a lap dog. He is perfectly capable of moving through the world and taking care of his own shit. But like many of us who seek to find a purpose in life, it just makes things easier.
And also just because my purpose and path is not necessarily only about loving him does not mean that I am not also a devoted, loving wife. It is my honor to be married to him and we all win when there is enough love to go around for all. I may never get crystal clear on what my specific path is either. I know giving back and making the world a nicer place is on my list of to-dos in this life but that may show up in hundreds of ever-changing ways and I’m ok with that. I know the banks of the river will hold me as long as they are needed and that is one of the greatest blessings I can imagine.
