Category Archives: Magic

For The FUN Of It!

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When was the last time you did something just for fun? No agenda, not checking something off your to-do list or any ulterior motive. Fun just for the fun of it.

I don’t do this nearly enough and I am guessing it’s true for you too. Kids and animals are great at reminding us of the importance of play! But even when we take cues from them, adult responsibilities are always looming. It’s easy to get caught up in things we have to do or things we should do, but what if we made play a priority?

Psychologists have started studying the impact of adult play in the last few years and it’s no surprise they are finding it is hugely beneficial. But, it’s something you have to make time for just like you carve out time to exercise or meditate or have a night out with your friends.

I have been feeling bogged down by a lot of things lately and the heaviness shows up in my body. So I’ve decided to make a commitment to doing things for fun each day next month. I am painfully aware of the lack of music in my life and want that, along with dancing to be a large part of my fun. I am open to other explorations of play and have enlisted my husband’s help; he happens to be a very playful person.

I’m not disillusioned about the fact that playing each day won’t solve all of my (and the world’s) problems. But, if it lifts just a bit of the weight that I have been feeling, a weight that leaves me feeling quite restless by the end of the day…I’ll take it!

Who wants to join me? And what will be your first playful action?

photo by Darci Fontenot

Haiku Very Much

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I’ve made it a new normal to make time for creativity. Painting, writing, drawing, dancing. It’s still a struggle since it is a new reality for me but it’s imperative. I can no longer hide behind the guise of not being a creative person. I tried and it doesn’t work. A beautiful byproduct of being human is that we are all creative. Let me say that again for those of you hiding like I was: WE ARE ALL CREATIVE! And I have to create to keep the channel open. It doesn’t have to be good but I still have to create to keep the juices flowing. The pool of creativity is endless but you have to jump in and get wet. Putting paint on paper has been a huge healer for me as has writing haikus. It’s one of the easiest things to create on the fly and it’s quite fun. 3 lines, 5, 7 & 5 syllables, endless opportunities. Here are a few of mine.

Change is coming soon.
Full moon magic gently calls.
Peace through transition

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Waiting, wishing, hope.
Believe. All is provided.
Trust the Universe.

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My evolution
creates transformation. Breathe.
Ride the waves of life.

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No one got the rules
of how to be an adult.
We are all fumbling.

Be patient. Forgive
Yourself and others. Choose love.
Time waits for no one.

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A Return to Love

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I read A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson for the first time in 2012. I have since read it again and likely not for the last time. I can distinctly remember the shift my brain had to make to integrate the idea that our nature is love, and anything that does not look like love is just a request for more love. It certainly made sense on a fundamental level but this is not the message we get in everyday life, so it took some getting used to.

Last night I got to see Marianne speak in Santa Cruz. It was really wonderful but she was actually quite different in person than I expected. Her speech was a fiery sermon aimed to get us worked up about the times we live in right now. She said that it’s not the first time society has strayed outside of what is moral and ethical but let us not be the first people in history to do nothing about it.

Of course we have to take action to make change, but the predictable plot twist is that it has little to do with others and everything to do with ourselves. It all comes back to us. How can we be more loving, more accepting, more devoted. “get the message IN first”. Then and only then can we collectively make the shifts that are needed. She addressed the need for the spiritual community to get more involved in politics so that the needle can be moved in the right direction.

Her ability to share perspectives and address human concerns was so highly skillful it was just an honor to witness. And as much as she is all about love, she is also about being straightforward and encouraging personal responsibility.

She called a few people out during the Q & A portion in a way that had me clapping in agreement, but also left me wondering if I would have been crying had I been in their shoes. One of these moments that stuck with me the most was when a woman shared difficulty in living with her father. She reported he brought “negative male energy” into the house. “This has to stop right now” Marianne said “that is not nice to men and it’s NOT ok”, I appreciate that she named this epidemic of putting men down.

But of course there is also the other side of the coin where women are still suppressed on so many levels. She said “let women speak in declarative sentences and say what they want”. She addressed the high incidence of depression in women and that if we are actually paying attention it makes perfect sense that we are depressed.

She encouraged us to always look for the lesson and where you could have reacted with more love. Can we make it our practice to send love to everything and everyone to overcome the hate that exists right now. This does not mean we blindly put up with everything in the name of love though. She said it’s time for us to own our yes and own our no. “Love always gives the loving response and sometimes the response is no”

Practice is key! Start in the morning, fill your consciousness with light and pray to the God of your own understanding to be of service. “Everything you do is your ministry”. As the Course in Miracles says: Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say and to whom?

My girlfriends and I stood in line for her book signing. I didn’t have anything for her to sign but I joined in a photo we requested. At the very end there was a moment where she made direct eye contact (the type of gaze that made me feel like she really saw me) and I said thank you so much. I immediately remembered something from a part of her speech where she said that when you are on this path and leading a life of love and purpose, there is a light in your eyes. Other people who have it, recognize it, and people who don’t have it want to know where you got it.

Ever a work in progress, I’m so grateful to be doing the best I can each day, making practice a priority and fully experiencing all the parts of life. And as Marianne said “It’s not over ’til the happy part”

Ecstatic Energy

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I woke up on Easter in a F U N K. I was sad to be away from family, I was frustrated with other things going on in my life and I couldn’t handle the icky feeling I had in my body. So I gathered myself and decided to do something about it. I told my sleeping husband I was going to go to Ecstatic Dance in Palo Alto. I had been meaning to go for awhile and I was certain it would help. I had to take some sort of action because if left in this state I would inevitably lash out at someone, mostly likely my husband. He doesn’t deserve that and frankly I didn’t deserve to feel the way I did either. And I tell my clients all the time to do something to move the energy in their body when they are feeling stuck or yuck.

As soon as I started moving my body I could feel a shift. My movements matched the music…at first slow and rhythmic…transitioning to faster and more irregular. The beauty of this format is that moving your body is key but you can do it any way you want. Very few rules and absence of judgement creates a lot of freedom. My breath became more at ease, my mind slowly unraveled the worries that plagued me. I couldn’t quite shake the sadness though.

I took a break on the perimeter of the dance floor and started to tear up and then started to cry. Wet, hot tears rolled down my cheeks and caught the attention of a fellow dancer. I had seen this woman come in. She entered the dance floor with confidence and had a striking presence about her. She walked towards me, made eye contact with me and then came behind me. She wrapped her arms around me, one arm on my belly and the other hand on my heart. She nuzzled herself in close to me and took long, slow, deep breaths peppered with big sighs and hmmms.

My mind had a lot of things to say about this encounter “this is weird, right?” “I don’t even know this ladies name” “what will other people think?” “what the hell is happening?” “should I tell her to stop?”

But ultimately my body won out. My body is what got me there that day and my body is what needed this healing. I could feel the energetic shift as a weight dissipated from my heart. My tears slowed and my whole body softened. I knew when our time together was done and so I met her gaze and thanked her with my eyes.

I felt more whole than when I arrived but I also felt so exposed and raw. It was a vulnerable moment for me and I wasn’t sure if I would tell anyone about it. I found myself keeping track of this mysterious goddess healer as she moved across the dance floor. Should I go to her again and offer more thanks or at least introduce myself.

Ultimately I decided that I got exactly what I came for whether I knew it or not. I left before it ended and did not see her again. I actually haven’t been back since. I had a nice time and would certainly join another dance in the future but it just hasn’t happened. My openness to the experience is what stuck with me. Had I stayed home I would have been a jerk to my husband and felt awful all day. But I said yes to a shift, said yes to myself and in the end received even more than I bargained for. May we all say yes to moving stuck energy through movement, connection and kindness.

Dancing Blog Art

Love & Soul Conversations

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Today is my second wedding anniversary and our eighth year as a couple. We will celebrate together tonight and then I teach a Level 2 Reiki class on Sunday. Reiki 2 is a celebration and a homecoming of its own for me. My master presented it to me as the level of love and of healing relationships and I really took that to heart. The personal work that I did following my initiation into the second level of Reiki was the healing balm my heart needed to embrace marriage. I left the past in the past and opened my heart to a love-filled future with the best guy.

Now I teach the idea of finding solace from the feelings and emotions that accompany human relationships. Life is messy and heart break is real but love and compassion heal so many things. We often need to let go of the past to make room for what the future holds. It might seem ideal to hash it out in person, but sometimes it’s not appropriate or possible. Enter the soul conversation…

When individuals come together on a soul level much can be accomplished. If there is a situation, relationship or person that needs healing, consider doing the work in a meditation or dream state. Soul conversations give us the opportunity to take responsibility for our actions, ask for and offer forgiveness and send love to the situation. It’s important to recognize the role we played in the relationship, this is not a time for shaming and blaming. Each relationship has something to teach us and propels us into our next stage of personal growth.

Starting in meditation, take a few deep breaths offering love to yourself and your journey. Say a prayer or set an intention such as:

“May I find healing for the highest good of all concerned. May I take responsibility for my role and forgive both myself and the other parties. May the love that is offered up transform pain into sweetness, stuck energy into freedom.”

Ask to connect with the person or situation and have the conversation that you might like to have in person. Honor your part, share any sadness or anger, maybe even remember fun times too. Ask if they have anything to say and ask that they support you in letting go. Then fill the space between you with love. It may seem silly or not real but as is true with energy work, action follows intention. Whatever you come up with, even if it seems made up, is as real an experience as any other.

End with gratitude for self. Gratitude for the individual. Gratitude for life and the Divine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It may take various times with some reflection in between. Be patient and kind during this process and recognize achievements. Then watch life bloom.

I celebrate love every day and each time I return to teach Reiki, I find new levels of healing that are revealed. Each layer that we unveil is a gift and an opportunity. May we all step into our highest self with an open heart.

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Rooster Call to Action

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We just entered the year of the Rooster in the Chinese calendar and what amounts to a second new year. I don’t know about you but it was comforting to know that new beginning are always possible. 2017 is off to a rocky start but the rooster is here to remind us that we have to speak up and take action. Wake up he says! Follow the direction of your heart and don’t become complacent.

In numerology 2017 is a 1 year which signifies the start of a new cycle. The messiness of 2016 can be explained (at least in part) by the mischievousness of the fire monkey and the conclusion of a 9 year cycle. Whatever we set the intention for in this year will continue to grow over the next 9 years.

1 is also the number of the Magician in Tarot and invites us to trust in our creativity and power to live the life of our dreams. We all have the opportunity to succeed in whatever we set our minds to. Believe it and then do it! This is not a time to sit back and watch.

The Rooster’s role is to confidently take care of the flock and ensure the future generation. The Magician, a true healer, sees the potential for magic in all things. Can we do the same even in the face of turmoil?

Dream. Crow. Create. Repeat.

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Svadhisthana Sweetness & Body Paint Delight

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When I was in high school I had a friend once say she wished she could have some of my bravery. I have always been pretty bold in saying what’s on my mind and doing things outside the box. Not brave in the jump out of a plane kind of way but in the tell your crush you like him to his face, travel to developing countries and take all your clothes off and let someone paint you kind of way.

Yeah, that last one…I just did that. The yoga studio where I teach is an incredible community of visionaries and our studio manager created a mash up of yoga, chakras and body paint. I knew very little about body paint and had certainly never had it done myself. So, clearly I jumped at the chance.

The night started with a yoga class taught by me focusing on the chakra of the month, the sacral chakra. It’s all about fluidity, creativity and emotions. Governed by the moon and water, it’s feminine in nature and relates to our sexuality.

Then we moved onto the painting part of the night. I had arrived prepared with my nude panties and nipple tape but my painter was no where to be seen. I started feeling pretty disappointed. Nathalie who organized this event and has been painted many times said “how about I paint you?”

And so she and other members of the community stepped up even though they had never done anything like this before. It was the sweetest team of enthusiastic and interested friends. The artists and models from the Human Art Collective were amazingly supportive and welcoming as well. I had so much fun!

It felt great to be doted upon and painted. I was struck by how normal it was to have someone painting my bum, under my breasts and inside my belly button. There was a meditative quality to it as well. One of the painters agreed it was for her also. She shared that she found herself syncing her painting with her own breath. It was its own kind of yoga.

Here I was practically naked in the studio where I usually teach yoga very much clothed. And yet I felt so comfortable in my body. It briefly occurred to me that my belly was much rounder and my breasts much fuller than the other models (who had all done this previously). Even though this thought crossed my mind, I really wasn’t doing a lot of thinking.

During the couple of hours that I was being painted and then photographed I felt very much in my body. It was such a pleasurable and memorable experience. One I will not soon forget. I loved being painted but I loved even more how it all came together.

And then just like that it was over. One minute I was feeling fully embodied and confident, the next I was sitting in my bathtub covered in coconut oil while my husband scrubbed the paint off my back. Such is life with all its ups and down. So perfectly imperfect.

Yoga class

Yoga class

Loving it!

Loving it!

Finished product

Finished product

Nathalie and I

Nathalie and I

Photo by Ronald Nelson Photography

Photo by Ronald Nelson Photography

Memories of May

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The month of May brought with it several anniversaries and some bittersweet memories. Four years ago this month I became a Reiki master and eight years ago I completed my masters degree and added MSW after my name.

I celebrated my Reiki master anniversary by teaching a level 2 class to some lovely healers. There aren’t enough words to describe how much it means to me to share this technique with others and it was a perfect way to commemorate this milestone. Reiki has brought so much love, healing and connection into my life. I am proud to have a growing group of students who are doing great work in the world.

In reflecting on my social work career, I find myself missing my college days (because really who doesn’t?!) but also my clients and the relationship I had with them.

At my first internship I was afraid to hang out with the clients in the milieu. What would I say to them? I also remember being totally baffled when someone said they forgot a client’s name and then laughing to myself when it was me forgetting. Yes, we establish close relationships with these people but we are human. And honestly some clients are more memorable than others.

It’s an honor to do this work though and it has been filled with moments of tenderness. I have sat and cried with a client who just lost her father. Another whose dog died suddenly. I have kept small keepsakes made or given to me by clients, I still wonder how many of them are doing and I remember the birthday of a client who died each year.

Professional boundaries keep us from being able to stay in touch, but it doesn’t mean we don’t remember the connections we have made which often happen in a persons most vulnerable times in life. We sometimes spend more time with our clients than we do with our own family and close friends.

I’ve been out of the social work game for some time now and I don’t know if I’ll go back. But I do miss the deep connections I made and that I got to be there for so many people when they needed support and comfort. I can only hope maybe they think of me from time to time too. And not even me per se, but something I shared with them or the feeling they had of being accepted and understood.

What’s with All the Goddess Talk?

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I recently had a friend tell me they would like to accept the invitation to be on my podcast but that they felt removed from the Goddess thing, and so maybe it wasn’t a good fit. I lead Goddess Circles, the podcast title includes the word Goddesses and I regularly refer to women in general as Goddesses. So, what is with all the Goddess talk?

I think each person who identifies as a woman is also a Goddess. And not just when she is looking beautiful and acting feminine by traditional standards. The energy of the Divine Feminine, also known as Shakti in the yoga tradition, not only represents us as women but also represents the universal energy all around us. Shakti is what drives us to be passionate and loving beings on this Earth. Shakti is creativity and expression. Shakti is wild and free. It is in us and we are a part of it. This balanced with the masculine energy of Shiva makes us whole and complete.

The Goddesses of Yoga, as in most other traditions, includes women who turn heads with their beauty but also those who are fierce warriors, devoted servants, nurturing mothers and wise crones. They represent different aspects of ourselves and our life stages.

Living as a Goddess means that you believe each and everything you do is connected back to the Divine. It’s not to say that you are only being Goddess-like when you are dressed in your favorite outfit or have your hair done nicely. You are a Goddess as soon as you roll out of bed and even if you look a mess or feel like you don’t have your life together. There is no separation from the mundane and the Sacred. Everything is Sacred. Each one of us is Sacred.

By leading women’s circles and sharing the podcast my hope is that women will connect into the energy of their inner Goddess so that they feel beautiful, worthy, loved and valuable. The more each of us becomes an expression of the Divine Feminine allowing our inner Goddess to shine, the more others will feel permission to do the same. And the more the men in our lives will also show up as their Divine Masculine self.

Please remember that you are a Goddess in each and every aspect, stage, phase, and moment of your life. When you walk, talk, move, dance, sing, cook, make love, cry, scream, yell, curse. It’s all you, it’s all beautiful, it’s all you as Goddess.

Om Aim Hrim Klim Chamundayai Vichaye Svaha – I learned this mantra with Sally Kempton and Shiva Rea. It invokes the mother Goddess and asks for her presence and inspiration as well as for her to remove any obstacles in your way. Mantra is often known as the “body of the Goddess.” Chant this for power and connection to your inner Goddess.

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The Myth of Mastery

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This past weekend I had the pleasure of teaching my first Reiki Master class. I’ve been teaching Levels 1 & 2 since 2012 and I have come across so many wonderful souls on this journey. It is one of my greatest joys in life to share this healing technique with those who are interested. When I was young I wanted to be a teacher, mostly because I loved learning and I admired my teachers. And while my original intent was to be a school teacher, this role of teaching has morphed into many different things, one of them being sharing and teaching Reiki.

I knew in my heart I wanted to teach the master level at some point but I never felt enough mastery to justify it. As with most of the things I have interest in, I feel I could go a lifetime and not understand it all. Lucky for me the universe sent me all the right signs that I was in fact ready and to get my butt in gear. And so it was that I had the most beautiful weekend with 5 other healers on the path.

The thing I struggled with the most, was that because Reiki has been passed down over the years, there are variations on the teachings. I wanted to share the most authentic, closest to source information available but damned if I could figure out what that was. Usui (the founder of this kind of Reiki) lived long ago and there are not many people who truly know what he was offering. Especially since it is widely known that Takata, the women responsible for bringing it to the West, took liberties of her own. I agonized over what was right and what was wrong and second guessed a lot of it as I prepared for the training. After meditating, chatting with my Master and asking for guidance the message was clear “Teach what you learned, keep your intentions pure and your heart and mind open.” And the much needed reminder that this path of being a Master is not about knowing it all but about showing up to the practice and being dedicated to ongoing learning.

Did I know absolutely everything I needed to know? Not really. Did I have the most authentic version of the teachings? No one will ever know. Did I show up fully and share with my whole heart? Absolutely. And did my students learn something new that they can now share with others? You’re damn right they did!

The weekend was more than just about the Reiki Master teachings. It was about embracing ourselves just as we are, taking such good care of ourselves on a regular basis and answering the call to share as much love and healing with others as we can muster. That is true dedication to mastery.  And as the Dalai Lama says,

“The planet does not need more ‘successful people.’ The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds”

Reiki master class photo