Category Archives: Non-Judgement

Art of Attention

Posted on by

Earlier this week I got to spend three days with Elena Brower in her Art of Attention Teacher Enhancement Module. She first came onto my radar about 5 years ago at Wanderlust in Squaw Valley. It was clear she was bringing something special to the table and I have continued to follow her and be inspired by her work. I know I will be unpacking the wisdom that she shared over the coming weeks, months and maybe even years but here are some of the stand out gems.

Throughout the three days Elena returned again and again to the simple but profound idea that we have to practice what it is we are seeking. If we want more trust in life, learn how to trust ourselves. If we want to become better teachers, be better students. If we want those around us to act a certain way, lead the way as the example. If we worry about others judging us, stop judging others. If we want abundance in our lives, give abundantly. Remarkably simple but monumentally profound.

Cultivating our own practices was of utmost important to her. What we share with others we must first do ourselves. She implored us all to get serious about our meditation practice and make it a non-negotiable part of our daily lives. I’ll be the first to say my meditation practice is inconsistent at best. I know the value of it and I have periods – sometimes even fairly long ones – where I am very on top of it. And then something gets in the way.

Writing at least one blog post per month is one of the few promises that I have made to myself and actually kept. Keeping a journal is another. I have been consistent in sharing something with the world each month for the past 31 months. It feels good and I am proud of myself. But there are too many other promises that have been broken and frankly the stakes are high. My daily practices determine how I show up in the world and ultimately my overall happiness in life. As Elena put it, “our happiness is our service” and so I recommit to my meditation practice first and foremost. 20 minutes of sitting each day to clear out the accumulation of hurt, doubt, fear, sadness and shitty thoughts.

My gratitude runs deep for some extremely potent teachings that have been passed on to me from Elena and many other gifted teachers. These gifts are largely unwrapped but not yet fully appreciated. They come together over time like pieces of a great puzzle. Sometimes duplicated but always fitting a little differently. I commit to diving in each chance I get so that I can always share from a place of experience.

Elena and I

Elena and I

Art of Attention family

Art of Attention family

Teaching my Lessons

Posted on by

brene quote

The goal and mission of my business is to help people live their best life. To me this means living according to what you are passionate about and what brings you joy. This can come in the form of releasing past hurts or negative patterns, being assertive and speaking your truth, following your bliss, setting boundaries, and taking healthy risks. I find that often people need to be reminded that they absolutely deserve to live a good life and many times our work together is embracing this concept and allowing joy to flow.

It is very important to me to be authentic in my work and not to pretend that I have it all figured out. I tell clients that many of the lessons I share are ongoing ones for myself as well. Learning to see ourselves as perfectly imperfect is a concept I work with a lot for myself and for clients.

Let me be super clear and vulnerable here…I do not always feel that I am in alignment with my passion and joy and sometimes that sends me into a tailspin. The perfect example of this is my day job. I have worked for a psychiatric hospital for more than 3 1/2 years. It is a good job and I get to serve a population that really needs support. I cut back my hours as I built my business and have been part-time for about a year and a half. I know I do not want to be there forever (it’s a big organization with all the politics that come with that) and honestly thought I would have been able to quit by now. And, some days it is painful to be there. I have cried many times in my bosses office and in the arms of my supportive boyfriend about this. My boss is actually hugely supportive as well and will support me in whatever I do and I am so grateful for that.

My downward spiral goes something like this: I hate my job and being here lowers my mood and my vibration, it makes me mean and bitter and no one wants to be around someone who is mean and bitter. How am I supposed to help people live a joyful life if I can’t even leave a job I can’t stand? I’m a fake and a fraud and who would want to come see me to work on themselves? I should just quit and everything will work itself out… yes, I will quit… I’ll quit by such and such date. But I can’t do that, I won’t have enough money to live. I suck, life sucks!!!

As most of us know, that all happens in the span of a few seconds, but if I can take a breath, remember something I am grateful for, and put on my big girl panties I can see the bigger picture. I have come a long way and continue to actively expand my business which I love all of the time (for the record, I don’t hate my day job all of the time). I have already taken big risks and have been getting creative about where I am headed.  My ultimate goal is for my business to pay my bills (and then some!) and to be able to quit my day job. When I am fully in the bigger picture I know this is possible and I trust with all my heart that this is in my future. I trust myself and the universe and that all of this is part of my journey. I also know plenty of ways to raise my vibration and focus on joy so that I don’t stay caught in my downward shit storm spiral…some days I’m better at this than others.

And, the biggest reminder of all is… I DO NOT have to have it all figured out to help people! In fact, being in the position that I am now makes me more equipped to support people as they find the joyful life they deserve. My clients and I are often in the same boat and so I know exactly how they feel. I am teaching my own lessons and keeping it real along the way.

 

Trust…No, I mean really trust

Posted on by

I started getting interested in and studying energy healing about 3 years ago. I really believe it was always a part of me, and of all of us for that matter, but I seriously started paying attention after having my first Reiki session.  I started reading books, meditating more and took my first Healing Touch class; I studied Reiki a bit later. I was hooked!!!

One of the biggest messages handed down from the founder of Healing Touch is to just “do the work.”  It is a simple lesson in trust and not being attached to the outcome but one that is often hard to incorporate.  When I first started energy work I was excited but also anxious to know more and be able to help people by connecting to divine guidance.  I wanted the heavens to open up and for me to receive clear messages that I could deliver to my clients.  As it turns out, intuition did not work that way for me.  When I would do sessions I would get some information but often it seemed muddy and didn’t make much sense.  Sometimes it would be right on and I would be able to connect it to something obvious but other times I was left wondering.  I learned early on from both my teachers and trial and error that even when it doesn’t make sense you should still bring it up with confidence.  That last part didn’t come easily at first and I would often gently mention something but almost as an afterthought that couldn’t possibly be significant.  Client’s picked up on my lack of assurance and there were times I felt very ineffective.  Side note: energy healing is not only about tapping into intuition and receiving guidance but I thought it was SO cool and really wanted to get it right.

My ability to trust increased as I got more practice and gained more confidence and confirmation in the work that I was doing.  Every time that I was able to confidently share some guidance I received and it was accurate, I trusted a little more.  I would also like to say that I reminded myself daily to be in a space of trust and love.  I knew that only in that space would I be able to do my most effective work.

I have been able to trust in the universe a lot more but I was recently reminded that this is still something for me to work on and maybe always will be.  I have received confirmation in at least three different instances that one of my totem animals is a dove.  A totem animal refers to an animal whose energy is similar to yours and in learning about this animal you can learn more about and better understand yourself.  Animal medicine is very powerful and can be a great aid in healing work.  To learn more check out Ted Andrew’s book Animal Speak.  Anyway, I already knew that this was my totem animal but given a recent opportunity to ask an oracle card reader a question, I asked what my totem animal is.  Now, I could lie to myself and say I was just asking to see if I have any other totem animals but the truth is I was testing it.  Sure enough the reader pulled dove and I proceeded to be in a space of relief and of also wondering why I just couldn’t trust my own intuition.  I tell my clients to do this so how can I still be struggling?!

peace-dove-jenni-robison

Art by Jenni Robison

I realized that if I really seek to trust, then I trust that all of this, even my evolution of trusting and my ongoing occasional doubts, are all perfect!  This has been part of my path and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for all the steps along the way.  I continue to work on trusting that all is in perfect order, that my guidance and intuition are meaningful and valuable, that I will manifest things that I desire into my life.  I also trust that I will still need to work on some of the same issues as my clients and that as long as I am constantly striving to be the best person I can be everything is alright!  I still have to remind myself to trust and love but luckily that is one mantra that I don’t think I can ever wear out.  Where can you invite in more trust and love?  Do you still question things and can you honor this as part of your path while striving to trust just a little more than yesterday?

 

Honoring my juicing slump

Posted on by

I got a juicer for Christmas in 2011 and I became a juicing fool. I would literally plan the night before what I would juice in the morning and get excited about it like it was my outfit for the first day of school. Juicing became a meditative act and I loved the way I could feel my cells vibrate as they absorbed nutrition. When I told my partner that last part I think he probably thought I was losing it! But, it gave me more energy and I couldn’t tell enough people about how much I was loving juicing. I have continued with my juicing on most days since I first got my juicer and it has become a great way to use any leftover veggies from the CSA. There have been days or stretches of days where I haven’t felt like juicing. At first I would try to force myself to want to juice because it is good for me. I have since backed off on that practice because when I was loving my juicing the juice itself was full of love. When I try to force it, I am drinking resentment and obligation!

I haven’t juiced in a few weeks now and I have decided to embrace the break. I know partly it started when I went on vacation and was off my routine but I am also respecting the fact that maybe I don’t need it right now. I was feeling like I was constantly battling off illness for awhile and during that time juice was my constant companion and wellness warrior. I still manage to eat healthy and incorporate a lot of veggies into my diet but I would rather return to juicing when I am happy and excited about it. I’m not saying we can sit on the couch and eat junk as long as we think loving thoughts (although that might work just fine, who knows?!) but I will say it feels good to honor what I need, or don’t need, right now.

On Monday I was up bright and early steaming kale and chopping veggies to have healthy food to eat throughout the week. It did not include any juicing but it felt joyful and it always helps me feel more grounded and prepared to know that I don’t have to worry about making good food throughout the week.

In what ways can you honor your body right now? Are you forcing anything that is not ultimately serving your joy in life? Let it go with a smile! 🙂

healthy food

Healthy food ready to go! Pile for the compost in the background.

 

Musings on Meat-Eating and Non-Judgement

Posted on by

I have been a vegetarian for 13 years.  It started in middle school when we started talking about health food and healthy eating.

12 year old me: “Mom, I want to be a vegetarian”

Mom: “That’s nice sweetie. Vegetarians eat vegetables”

And so it went that if I wanted to be a vegetarian I guess I had to start eating vegetables. At that time I think my palate was willing to tolerate tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots with the occasional lettuce with lemon for dressing. I was NOT one of those kids who would eat any vegetable drenched in ranch. I still can’t stand the stuff! My mom was very patient with me and slowly introduced tasty things like stuffed peppers and zucchini, which is still one of the favorites.  I think I can safely say I out eat her in the veggie department now.

I became a full fledged vegetarian in high school after giving up various types of meat in stages; the last to go was fish.  While I will fully admit I was partially motivated in the beginning by thinking this was the “cool” thing to do, I backed up my beliefs and decisions with research and read both of John Robbins’ books on a plant based diet as well as subjected myself ongoing to gnarly factory farming videos.

Fast forward to college where I joined an environmental group on campus with lots of other passionate vegetarians. We felt it was our mission to educate others about the horrors of eating meat or exploiting animals in other ways. This meant handing out pamphlets, wearing t-shifts from PETA, hosting movie screenings and wait for it…protesting outside of a honey baked ham store before Easter. I’m not particularly proud of that one!  I prided myself in being educated and able to give anyone a reason that eating animals was impacting something they loved: the environment, starving children, their health, or the animals themselves.  I really, truly thought that anyone and everyone could and should be a vegetarian if they just knew the facts. It was just the right thing to do! But, in retrospect I know I was mostly being judgmental and shaming even though I meant well.

My take on things has changed quite a bit. I now realize that not every body can live without meat. In an ideal world, we would all eat a plant based diet but my personal year as a vegan left me feeling deprived and looking quite sickly. I have no doubts that I would be a better and healthier vegan now but I choose not to be. I am very happy being a vegetarian who eats cheese and it feels right for me. And, I know all the arguments and research against eating it. I know vegans who I respect and admire very much but I also know people who will chow down on a burger when they want and I love them and their decisions just as much.  I think Michael Pollan said it well, “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants”  I am still a huge advocate for a diet that includes lots of fruits and veggies but if you need to throw in a small piece of (hopefully local, organic) meat every now and then I won’t throw pamphlets down your throat or secretly judge you.  In the past, I found myself gasping at stories such as the 20+ year vegetarian who woke up one day and wanted a rare steak but I hope I can continue to honor what my body needs and be open to the idea that it might change.

Please don’t think I am saying I’ve got it all figured out because if I am honest with you I do still cringe, aka judge when I see people eat McDonald’s or feed their kids junk and I sometimes find myself back in that “but, you should be a vegetarian mode.”  The trick is I am getting better about catching myself and just sending love instead.  That’s the shift that has been huge for me. All we are all looking for is love and acceptance. If I can step back and just send love to any individual or situation that gets me all riled up that could make all the difference for everyone. In what area of your life can you send love? Where can you let go a little?  Lots of love, acceptance and honoring your body for all!!