Category Archives: Self-Care

How to Date Yourself

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When was the last time you took yourself out on a date? It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a quiet place and some dedicated time to self reflect. Yesterday was the new moon and after the light dusting of rain we got, the coast was clear and beautiful. I had a delicious healthy lunch, spent time meditating by the ocean, did some art and shopped for my Halloween costume. The moon cycles are a great way to set a monthly date with yourself. Mark down the new moon or full moon as your day to spend with yourself and stick with it as a self care practice. Life pulls us in a lot of different directions and we are often the ones who suffer. In my experience we are more likely to let ourselves down before we will do that to another person or obligation. It’s not selfish to put ourselves first and a monthly date is a great way to practice this. I also hosted by monthly new moon circle that night and it was the perfect end to the day. Join the Patreon community to connect in our next circle 10/27/19 and mark your calendar for a date with yourself! Everyone benefits when we take good care of ourselves.

For The FUN Of It!

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When was the last time you did something just for fun? No agenda, not checking something off your to-do list or any ulterior motive. Fun just for the fun of it.

I don’t do this nearly enough and I am guessing it’s true for you too. Kids and animals are great at reminding us of the importance of play! But even when we take cues from them, adult responsibilities are always looming. It’s easy to get caught up in things we have to do or things we should do, but what if we made play a priority?

Psychologists have started studying the impact of adult play in the last few years and it’s no surprise they are finding it is hugely beneficial. But, it’s something you have to make time for just like you carve out time to exercise or meditate or have a night out with your friends.

I have been feeling bogged down by a lot of things lately and the heaviness shows up in my body. So I’ve decided to make a commitment to doing things for fun each day next month. I am painfully aware of the lack of music in my life and want that, along with dancing to be a large part of my fun. I am open to other explorations of play and have enlisted my husband’s help; he happens to be a very playful person.

I’m not disillusioned about the fact that playing each day won’t solve all of my (and the world’s) problems. But, if it lifts just a bit of the weight that I have been feeling, a weight that leaves me feeling quite restless by the end of the day…I’ll take it!

Who wants to join me? And what will be your first playful action?

photo by Darci Fontenot

Disconnect from the Great Connector

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I love food! I’m one of those people who is thinking about food while I am eating food. Meal planning is a favorite hobby of mine and a game my mom and I used to play involved coming up with the most delicious thing you wished you were eating.

I was once a very picky eater and now am picky by choice. I’ve been a vegetarian my entire adult life and I try to stay in the realm of what I would consider healthy. Although it hasn’t always been the case, it’s getting easier and easier to be vegetarian, especially in California. I can typically always eat something close to what everyone else is having or will be offered an acceptable alternative.

My acupuncturist recently asked me to do a liver detox to address some imbalances he detected. I knew that I was going to have to do something like this so I have been mentally preparing. For three weeks I am giving up most of the tasty things I enjoy including dairy, gluten, sugar, alcohol and pretty much anything processed. I am only 7 days into a 21 day process but I am noticing how much food connects us to social experiences and pleasure.

In the last week I have been in various situations where I have had to decline the food being offered. It feels isolating to be the girl either not eating or eating something completely different. But I know it is temporary and it is tolerable. My health is my goal and that is so very worth it. Also, it is purely privilege that I am even able to restrict my diet for a specific purpose.

I can’t help but think about the parallel to life in this experience. How many people feel isolated and disconnected from society as a whole on a regular basis? How many people are always the ones who don’t fit the mold in any given situation? And for how many people is it not at all temporary?

It’s definitely not the first time I have felt disconnected from what’s considered the norm nor will it be the last but I find it interesting to observe the feelings that arise. Longing, worry about being judged, sadness, and feeling left out are just a few and this is only food folks!

The life experiences that this parallels are much larger and more permanent issues. It leaves me with a sense of compassion for the outsiders of the world. I am motivated to finish this challenge not only for my own health but also for the perspective that it grants me.

Conscious Giving

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The holiday season is always a tricky one for staying sane and taking good care of ourselves. The push to buy things we don’t need is high as well. Some of my favorite gifts that I have gotten and given have been experiences. Please remember gift giving is not necessary and sometimes the best thing we can do is offer our support, a smile, a well timed phone call or letter or a wonderful experience. But there are a few gems that have changed my life this past year and I would like to share them with you here.

Practice You: A Journal by Elena Brower – If you know me or have read my blog you know that I am a big Elena Brower fan. She shows up with such authenticity and has so much to offer the yoga community and beyond. She is responsible for me taking a serious dive into my relationship with creativity, something I have struggled with my whole life. This journal is an absolute work of art and will get you to connect to very tender parts of yourself. I highly recommend you buy a copy for you and some friends/family members. The price point makes it easy to share the love!

Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living by Krista Tippett – I love books and I love to read. My Amazon wishlist is 100% books and this one is truly masterful. Krista Tippett has a great podcast that I have been listening to and her writing includes snippets from her show including her own take on life themes and lessons. She talks about looking for “words that shimmer” which is exactly what I feel I’m doing when I read. I look for the passages that take my breath away and make me feel deeply. You will find plenty of those in this work.

Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decort – Card decks are another favorite of mine to buy and gift. I always bring a card deck for folks to draw from in my women’s circles and it is part of my morning routine to pull a card after my meditation. I found this deck earlier this year and was struck by the sweetness and the diversity of the art and characters. The regular Rider-Waite Tarot has never been that appealing to me so I enjoy finding decks that are a little less traditional.

Bucky HeartWarmer – This sweet pillow friend has been a happy addition to my self-care routine. There is something so soothing about placing this on my belly or my heart (or my cold feet!) in the evening or anytime I need some extra love and warmth.

Pelvic Liberation: Using Yoga, Self-Inquiry, and Breath Awareness for Pelvic Health by Leslie Howard – I have not finished this book yet but I was more than happy to contribute to Leslie’s Kickstarter to help get this book published and I can’t wait to learn all that I can as a woman and a yoga teacher. The doctors aren’t giving us the best information on this subject (mostly because their focus is on treating and/or normalizing pelvic health issues) so we have to educate ourselves and know that we don’t have to accept pain and discomfort. Any person with a female pelvis probably needs this book.

Essential Oil Containers – I make essential oil blends and I often get asked what I use. Abundant Health has been my go-to for all things oils. The products are good quality, they are affordable and they have good customer service. I mostly buy the roller balls and spray bottles for my blends. I have had some leakage with the roller balls but only with certain oil blends since each has a different viscosity. Make sure to always buy colored glass for oil blends – plastic is not a good idea because it breaks down and the tint helps with sun exposure. Happy blending!

Art by Lori Portka – I brought her Gratitude Cards several years back and have continued to enjoy her offerings. I also have the card deck that she and Kris Carr made together which is very sweet. The cards can be framed for your space or given to a friend. She just added pillows and totes as well.

I also know lots of amazing women (and people) who run businesses, make and sell things and are so worthy of supporting with your dollars. I am working on getting a women run businesses section on my Wildish Wise Women site so stay tuned (saying it here to keep me accountable!) I am sure you know awesome folks as well so remember to consider supporting them.

Favorite pages from Practice You

Favorite pages from Practice You

On Not Being an Asshole & Self-Forgiveness

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Telling the truth about how I feel and speaking up about what I want are not struggles I have had since I entered this world. Granted I’ve been through phases and relationships where I find it more difficult to communicate, I am largely an outspoken outgoing individual. Early on in my husband and my dating life my mother made the comment that perhaps she failed to build a filter into my little brain. It has been both a blessing and a curse and navigating the balance has been enough work to keep me busy in this life.

I have learned that not everyone can say what’s on their mind with ease. It was difficult for me to understand why people couldn’t just say what they needed. But after years of working with people I have come to realize it is a real challenge for many.

While I am grateful for this gift life has given me, just because I can say what’s on my mind doesn’t mean I have figured out how to do it well. Sometimes I open my mouth to say something and it comes out sounding pretty damn rude! I rarely mean to be a jerk but my tone and choice of words are often lacking.

This happened recently with a stranger who came over to ask me a question. I was caught off guard and responded harshly without thinking. I tried to backtrack when I heard the words leave my lips but I doubt it was enough to make up for my sharp tongue. I was embarrassed because it was witnessed by a friend and I mumbled something like “Wow, I think that sounded way worse than I meant it to”

And so as per usual when I have a human moment, I agonized over it that day and into the next. Thankfully many times when I speak before thinking or lose my cool I can apologize because it’s happened with someone I know. With this particular stranger I had no way of reaching him. I was bummed to think he would be walking around without the knowledge that I’m not really that awful.

I was left with only one thing to do really. Forgive myself first. We all experience foot in mouth moments and sometimes they are at the expense of others feelings. Dwelling on it and feeling badly about myself wouldn’t get me very far. So I forgave myself and vowed to work on finding more space. If speaking before thinking is my pattern then pausing and feeling before responding is my work.

And a little while later I told my husband about it and we both laughed at how ridiculous I can be. I figure it shouldn’t be so hard not to be an asshole but this class is almost always on my Earth school curriculum.

Sorry, Not Sorry

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As a young adult I worked at the Del Mar Fair. It was a great summer job. You work everyday for the 20 or so days the fair is open with time in between work to enjoy the fun. I would plan out my daytime shifts so I could see the evening concerts I wanted, went often to say hello to the baby pigs and ate my fair share of deep fried and cheesy foods. I hold a lot of memories and life lessons from that time.

There was the time that I asked a man to see his ID for his credit card purchase and he said “My name is Inigo Montoya” to which I naturally replied “you killed my father prepare to die.” He was more than impressed with my knowledge of the reference.

The realization that many teachers were so underpaid that they needed to work the fair to earn extra money.

And the bicycle cop and man from the money room who flirted with me and made me feel special.

But of all the things that my young insecure self experienced, the one that sticks with me the most was this interaction with a customer. I went to give a man his change and not all of it landed in his hand. I sheepishly apologized as I fumbled with the coins. He looked me dead in the eye and said very seriously, “Don’t ever apologize too much in life” Taken aback I nearly squeaked “I’m sorry” but I caught myself just in time.

Since that time my awareness of all the times I apologize has increased. Frankly myself and many other women say it so often. Sometimes it seemed I was apologizing just for existing. It was almost an involuntary reflex. My ongoing work is to notice my “I’m sorrys” and to change my language. Offering up thank you instead of sorry is a useful tool I have learned. It’s certainly not perfect, but I am getting better.

So when I heard the young lady I work with apologize about seven times in one minute I cringed and remembered this lesson that was once bestowed upon me. She is just slightly older than I was during my fair days and likely just as insecure. I hesitated to say anything because it’s not really my place and maybe it would put her on the spot. But I sat uncomfortably thinking about what it might be like not to tell her also. I wavered back and forth and finally…

First I asked her if she didn’t mind getting unsolicited advice. Sure she said. Then I told her as sweetly as I could not to apologize too much in life. I shared with her my own process of understanding this and that it takes practice and awareness. I also told her my thank you trick. Her first reaction was that of slight embarrassment. Her body tensed and I think she even turned a little red. But as I shared my experience and admitted that I still don’t have it all figured out she softened. The spark of truth lit up inside her, she looked me in the eye and said thanks for sharing that.

Life’s too short to spend all your time apologizing. Unless of course you have screwed up. In that case, a heartfelt apology can go a long way and is most certainly warranted.

Meditation 365

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I did it! A year of meditating every day.

I woke up this morning so so excited…like a kid going to Disneyland. I got my butt to my meditation cushion and felt an immense amount of gratitude. I have showed up for myself again and again and it has made a huge impact.

It hasn’t always been easy or ideal but each day I made a commitment to cultivating more peace and to making time for stillness. It’s the greatest gift I have given myself.

And I find that when life feels rough, meditation is the first thing I want to do now. Not to bypass the emotion but to let it wash over me so it can slowly dissipate. Elena Brower, my teacher and inspiration in all of this, says it’s like inviting the house cleaner over each morning. Meditation sweeps out the dirt life throws at us leaving our hearts polished.

My absolute hope is to keep up this practice but I also know that gentleness and forgiveness is part of this journey. 365 days of devotion to self-love and self-care is a foundation that I know will continue to serve me. Adding in a second afternoon/evening meditation and creating more space for the physical practice are my hopes for the future.

Breath. Softness. Opening to Love. Commitment. Practice. Stillness.

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Budding Self-Blessings

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“The bud stands for all things, even for those that don’t flower, for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing; though sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness, to put a hand on the brow of the flower, and retell it in words and in touch, it is lovely until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing” – Galway Kinnell

September has come to a close and on this black moon (the second new moon of the month) I’m very aware of that which did not flower. 30 days full of potential and yet much of it did not come to pass in the way I would have imagined. And so I will hold the image of the bud as a symbol for all things flowering as a self-blessing. Just like the seed that we plant at new moon time to watch unfold across the course of the weeks and months that are left of this year. My daily practices and my commitment to self is my reminder of my loveliness. As it always goes, some flowers bloomed so beautifully, in colors that you can’t even imagine and others remained a seedling, a bud or even just an unconscious glimmer.

I am lovely and so are you.

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The Myth of Mastery

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This past weekend I had the pleasure of teaching my first Reiki Master class. I’ve been teaching Levels 1 & 2 since 2012 and I have come across so many wonderful souls on this journey. It is one of my greatest joys in life to share this healing technique with those who are interested. When I was young I wanted to be a teacher, mostly because I loved learning and I admired my teachers. And while my original intent was to be a school teacher, this role of teaching has morphed into many different things, one of them being sharing and teaching Reiki.

I knew in my heart I wanted to teach the master level at some point but I never felt enough mastery to justify it. As with most of the things I have interest in, I feel I could go a lifetime and not understand it all. Lucky for me the universe sent me all the right signs that I was in fact ready and to get my butt in gear. And so it was that I had the most beautiful weekend with 5 other healers on the path.

The thing I struggled with the most, was that because Reiki has been passed down over the years, there are variations on the teachings. I wanted to share the most authentic, closest to source information available but damned if I could figure out what that was. Usui (the founder of this kind of Reiki) lived long ago and there are not many people who truly know what he was offering. Especially since it is widely known that Takata, the women responsible for bringing it to the West, took liberties of her own. I agonized over what was right and what was wrong and second guessed a lot of it as I prepared for the training. After meditating, chatting with my Master and asking for guidance the message was clear “Teach what you learned, keep your intentions pure and your heart and mind open.” And the much needed reminder that this path of being a Master is not about knowing it all but about showing up to the practice and being dedicated to ongoing learning.

Did I know absolutely everything I needed to know? Not really. Did I have the most authentic version of the teachings? No one will ever know. Did I show up fully and share with my whole heart? Absolutely. And did my students learn something new that they can now share with others? You’re damn right they did!

The weekend was more than just about the Reiki Master teachings. It was about embracing ourselves just as we are, taking such good care of ourselves on a regular basis and answering the call to share as much love and healing with others as we can muster. That is true dedication to mastery.  And as the Dalai Lama says,

“The planet does not need more ‘successful people.’ The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds”

Reiki master class photo

Faith and Flow

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My words for 2015 were Faith and Flow. I choose them before the year starts without much of an understanding of how they will play out. I allow them to unfold organically and trust that I brought them into my awareness for a specific reason.

Faith

I got married this year. And as much of a beautiful experience and wonderful blessing it has been, it did take some faith on my part. Faith that marriage was going to work for me, faith in myself and in my partnership. For me allowing marriage into my life has been a long process that faith definitely played a part in. This is the first full year I have spent away from my hometown, family and friends. We moved up north at the end of last year and a lot of faith has gone into accepting this as the right move for my little family. I have to practice faith in my husband to be the provider; he makes it pretty easy luckily. We received a notice to move out just after getting back from our honeymoon and had to hold faith that we would find a great new place in time. We definitely did and are so much happier in this new space. But there are the things that haven’t fallen into place quite as easily, It’s the disappointments and unanswered prayers that require even more faith. 2015 did not bring everything I had hoped and it requires practicing constant and ongoing faith that all is happening in perfect timing.

Flow

I just love this word! To me it is a state of mind, body and spirit and where I am connected to my highest self. It is somewhere I want to spend more time but a place I find somewhat fleeting. This year I found my flow teaching yoga and reiki, creating and delivering a yoga and psychology themed workshop, leading women’s circles and taking some amazing trainings. I flowed with more singing and dancing this year both on my own and in my circles. Aligning my flow with nature is something I explored more both at home and during some fun travels. I flowed into my new role as wife and primarily stay at home wife, or Domestic Goddess as we call it at our house. I had moments of flow in my own yoga practice and flowed into a new dedication to a daily meditation. Flow was my state when planning and setting intention for some awesome things for next year. To me flow is an organic state that we must allow although some planning doesn’t hurt as long as we stay flexible. Like seaweed anchored to the ocean floor, flow allows us to move freely while being grounded in our truth.

My words for 2016 are Grounded and Fertile.  I have some ideas of what I would like to see but I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds. Wishing you a prosperous new year with so much love and light.

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My best nine from Instagram are a pretty good summary of 2015