Category Archives: Shadow

Love Trumps Hate

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I fully expected to be writing a post this month about how we finally have our first woman president. Even though I was not thrilled with Hillary as a candidate, I was excited about the prospect of society shattering that glass ceiling. I felt the historic nature of that moment and was genuinely looking forward to being part of herstory in the making. I was not at all prepared for the outcome of this election nor the utter despair that I felt as a result. I wept, my heart raced and I felt like I could not breathe.

Below I am sharing a Facebook post that I put on my personal page. It resulted in a few people being unfriended. If my views here are offensive to you I consider it within your right to stop following me as well. But I won’t be silent and believe it is my duty as a woman, a yogini and a human to speak out.

“Wednesday morning, in the wake of my own shock, I led my weekly support group for women who have survived assault and/or abuse. What could I possibly tell them I thought? America has just elected a man who has zero regard for women and their safety or right to consent. And so I told them the only thing I could think and I will share with you here:

Take time to feel all that you need to feel. Cry, scream, curse, be angry, frightened, sad, lost. Take all the time you need but just promise me you won’t stay there.

Take very good care of yourself. Right now you have control over what you put in your body, the thoughts you think and how you show up in the world. It will not be easy. We are up against some serious hate and it isn’t right. But, we need to stick together more than ever right now.

When you are ready and have taken care of you, look women (and all others for that matter) in the eye on the street, smile at them and send them love and support. Remember when we act out of love not hate we protest all that he represents and apparently what much of the US represents as well. We have to be the change we want to see.

And something I didn’t say to them (because I didn’t need to) but I would like to add is that please know we are not angry/sad/scared/shocked because our candidate lost. Hillary was not my candidate, Bernie was. But, at least she represented inclusion, diversity, equality and respect for all people. The people have spoken and they have chosen someone who time and time again has stood for division, hate and frankly an America I am ashamed of right now.”

I plan to heed my own advise and take whatever time I need to heal. This grief and sadness is real. The fear of an unknown future is very real too. But then when I am done mourning I will pick myself up and get ready for the fight of a lifetime. If my government does not represent me, I will represent myself. Using love as my weapon and community as my army we will tackle this together. We have no choice. For some of us, our life depends on it.

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What’s with All the Goddess Talk?

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I recently had a friend tell me they would like to accept the invitation to be on my podcast but that they felt removed from the Goddess thing, and so maybe it wasn’t a good fit. I lead Goddess Circles, the podcast title includes the word Goddesses and I regularly refer to women in general as Goddesses. So, what is with all the Goddess talk?

I think each person who identifies as a woman is also a Goddess. And not just when she is looking beautiful and acting feminine by traditional standards. The energy of the Divine Feminine, also known as Shakti in the yoga tradition, not only represents us as women but also represents the universal energy all around us. Shakti is what drives us to be passionate and loving beings on this Earth. Shakti is creativity and expression. Shakti is wild and free. It is in us and we are a part of it. This balanced with the masculine energy of Shiva makes us whole and complete.

The Goddesses of Yoga, as in most other traditions, includes women who turn heads with their beauty but also those who are fierce warriors, devoted servants, nurturing mothers and wise crones. They represent different aspects of ourselves and our life stages.

Living as a Goddess means that you believe each and everything you do is connected back to the Divine. It’s not to say that you are only being Goddess-like when you are dressed in your favorite outfit or have your hair done nicely. You are a Goddess as soon as you roll out of bed and even if you look a mess or feel like you don’t have your life together. There is no separation from the mundane and the Sacred. Everything is Sacred. Each one of us is Sacred.

By leading women’s circles and sharing the podcast my hope is that women will connect into the energy of their inner Goddess so that they feel beautiful, worthy, loved and valuable. The more each of us becomes an expression of the Divine Feminine allowing our inner Goddess to shine, the more others will feel permission to do the same. And the more the men in our lives will also show up as their Divine Masculine self.

Please remember that you are a Goddess in each and every aspect, stage, phase, and moment of your life. When you walk, talk, move, dance, sing, cook, make love, cry, scream, yell, curse. It’s all you, it’s all beautiful, it’s all you as Goddess.

Om Aim Hrim Klim Chamundayai Vichaye Svaha – I learned this mantra with Sally Kempton and Shiva Rea. It invokes the mother Goddess and asks for her presence and inspiration as well as for her to remove any obstacles in your way. Mantra is often known as the “body of the Goddess.” Chant this for power and connection to your inner Goddess.

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Burning in My Own Flames

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“You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame; how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes”  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

This idea of burning in your own flame, facing and even embracing your shadow side, was one of the themes of a recent week long training I took. An experience in which I got naked in more ways than one that left me forever changed.

Transformation and the embrace of paradox are key components of Tantra yoga and as Sianna Sherman so wonderfully stated: “when we deny the shadow parts of ourselves, our prana goes rushing after them and we become fragmented”. So, we explored the shadow and sat with the discomfort that bubbled up to the surface like the warm water of the Esalen hot springs.

What’s interesting is that the work has only just begun. It’s in the homecoming that the path is forged and the commitment to transformation is called forth.  Showing up day after day is the challenge and the blessing.

Once the gates are open, the shadow comes flooding in and can extinguish the flame that I work so hard to burn brightly. Not dedicated enough, not brave enough, not spiritual enough, not likeable or cool enough, still judging where I shouldn’t despite all efforts to quell this unspiritual nastiness. Have I played the victim more times than I care to admit? Do I care more about what people think than I let on? Do I define myself by my limitations?

What if I honor all parts of myself and sit with the tension of the opposites? What if both are true at the same time? I’m both dedicated and lazy. I’m both brave and terrified. I’m both spiritual and disconnected. Cool and totally uncool. Judgmental and fully accepting. Strong woman and helpless victim. Each opposite coming together to weave the story of my life.

We are born out of darkness and the only way to reveal the light is to navigate the dark. And so the practice is what stokes the alchemical process of turning the lead to gold. Asana, mantra, mudra, meditation, breath. I return with a renewed sense of vigor for the practice including a 40 day sadhana (spiritual practice) of chanting to Lakshmi – Goddess of Abundance.

I vow to stay in the fire more than is comfortable in my yoga practice and in my life. To embody and then burn away the parts of myself that are keeping me from my most honest, true self.  Layer by layer of uncovering the dust that has been accumulated over a lifetime so that my deepest soul brilliance, my Shri can shine.

Om Shrim Maha Lakshmiyei Swaha

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Esalen sunset

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Early morning “rainbow moon”