10 years
10 years since I finished grad school
Gains and losses have passed the time
More grays, more wisdom, more softness
In the liminal space between opportunities
Discomfort paired with gratitude
All is unfolding perfectly
Trust the process
Find small joys
10 years
Know that what we do in fear will keep us from our path.
No matter how much the sacrifice seems worth it,
following the HEART is always a better plan.
Wait for the wave of peace that radiates when you are aligned.
Stay close to yourself.
Listen. Breathe. BE.
My words for 2016 were Grounded & Fertile. I choose them ahead of time (or rather I think they choose me) and then I see how the year unfolds. I find this practice to be a wonderful way to reflect and set intention. Time is a funny thing and this post serves as a timepiece for my year and all that it has held. End of year rituals in any fashion are a sweet way to say goodbye to this year and usher in a new one.
Grounded
As a Capricorn, staying grounded is in my bones but at the same time I can find myself in the clouds if I’m not careful and conscious. Easily my biggest accomplishment in regards to this word this year was my meditation practice. I got consistent with it for the first time ever! It was a wonderful journey and I’m so grateful. I was excited to share with others as well but both my weekly meditation offering and meditation workshop were not well attended. With this particular “miss” my takeaway is that it was more about cultivating my own practice than sharing this year. In addition to getting more grounded in my meditation practice the Universe majorly tested my foundation when my husband left the very job that brought us to San Jose. It was not in our plans and it shook us both pretty hard. I know my practice was preparing me for that moment. Figuring out how to stay grounded when the earth beneath you becomes unsteady is the real practice. I got to practice that again with the results of the presidential election. My husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary this year and were reminded again and again about what it takes to be a team and how lucky we are to have each other. And we went camping for the first time in our relationship. We also explored some fun hiking spots getting grounded in nature. I taught the Reiki master level class for the first time and find that this practice as well as the students who show up are my constant reminder to stay grounded. My women’s circles continued to grow this year and I found the times I was leading those to be when I felt most grounded in my body and in my life purpose. I also took the seat of therapist once again which requires a great deal of grounding and presence.
Fertile
While it is by no means a secret, I also don’t share much about the fact that my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for several years; longer than I ever imagined it would take. I hope to write more about it one day but for now it’s just too painful and I often find commentary from others (however well meaning) is rarely helpful. I really did think this would be the year and so it was not a coincidence that I chose this word for 2016. And while unfortunately this was not the year I would conceive a child, 2016 proved to be amazingly fertile with ideas, inspiration, experiences and projects. I started a podcast and recently got it on iTunes (hooray!) as well as created a separate website for Wildish Wise Women. I hosted packed women’s circles and invited friends to co-facilitate with me to share their gifts. I lead my first yoga retreat with some wonderful women. I shared much more of my yoga life on social media via a few Instagram challenges including one I co-hosted. Some articles I wrote were published online and I got to share my love of the chakra system in a monthly series at the prAna store in Palo Alto. The community that I continue to co-create in my new home is rich with wonderful people. My husband and I hosted a gathering in the Spring and we had our first annual Friendsgiving. In addition to teaching several Reiki classes of all levels, I also invited people to a Reiki share night on a couple of occasions. The healing energy that is created when people come together to raise the vibration is so ripe with possibility. I let my body be a canvas in my first ever body painting experience. I traveled to China and experienced not only a new culture but also a powerful healing practice. And I got 2 new jobs and was reminded of the fertility and flexibility of the career I chose.
Of course there was a lot of darkness to 2016; it was NOT an easy year! My grounding was tested many times and I know it’s not the last time. I plan to stay dedicated to my practices as much as possible and look forward to 2017. My words for the new year are Abundant and Held. Wishing you all that you hope for in 2017!
My best 9 on Instagram – apparently naked photos get more likes 😉
I’ve always said as a social worker that I will be able to find a job no matter the economy or location. It may not be the best paying or most desirable but there will always be work. With that said, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started a job search last month. Mental health care is always needed in many different ways but maybe it wouldn’t be so easy.
Luckily, not only did I get a job that almost perfectly fits my needs but I also got offers on a few other jobs that were not so perfect. I actually turned down a position and declined an interview for another one. That’s a first for me.
I’m happy to report that I am joining a local private practice Bay Area Mental Health that offers individual and group therapy with a focus on healing trauma. I started seeing clients this week.
I feel compelled to share this news for two reasons.
One because I quite emphatically said I didn’t expect I would go back into therapy. But after some soul searching and reflection I decided it’s my path to help people in this way. I have the skills and I value this work. It is sacred work. And one of my goals in this life is to find sacred spaces and sacred moments as often as possible. It is an honor to support people in embracing their best life.
And two because I am humbled and grateful to be in this position. I haven’t been working much and I really haven’t had to. I know this is a very unique situation to be in. I have definitely had to take the first job offered to me in the past and to be able to be choosy this time around is a huge gift.
I don’t know what the future holds but for now I am happy to be of service and to be back doing this work. It is an honor to sit in front of someone who is willing to share their life, including their pain and their joy, with you.
The month of May brought with it several anniversaries and some bittersweet memories. Four years ago this month I became a Reiki master and eight years ago I completed my masters degree and added MSW after my name.
I celebrated my Reiki master anniversary by teaching a level 2 class to some lovely healers. There aren’t enough words to describe how much it means to me to share this technique with others and it was a perfect way to commemorate this milestone. Reiki has brought so much love, healing and connection into my life. I am proud to have a growing group of students who are doing great work in the world.
In reflecting on my social work career, I find myself missing my college days (because really who doesn’t?!) but also my clients and the relationship I had with them.
At my first internship I was afraid to hang out with the clients in the milieu. What would I say to them? I also remember being totally baffled when someone said they forgot a client’s name and then laughing to myself when it was me forgetting. Yes, we establish close relationships with these people but we are human. And honestly some clients are more memorable than others.
It’s an honor to do this work though and it has been filled with moments of tenderness. I have sat and cried with a client who just lost her father. Another whose dog died suddenly. I have kept small keepsakes made or given to me by clients, I still wonder how many of them are doing and I remember the birthday of a client who died each year.
Professional boundaries keep us from being able to stay in touch, but it doesn’t mean we don’t remember the connections we have made which often happen in a persons most vulnerable times in life. We sometimes spend more time with our clients than we do with our own family and close friends.
I’ve been out of the social work game for some time now and I don’t know if I’ll go back. But I do miss the deep connections I made and that I got to be there for so many people when they needed support and comfort. I can only hope maybe they think of me from time to time too. And not even me per se, but something I shared with them or the feeling they had of being accepted and understood.
The theme of my yoga class the other day was patience. Inspired by a section from Judith Lasater’s “Living Your Yoga,” we explored how yoga can help us cultivate patience both on and off the mat. Luckily life gives us many opportunities to practice.
My husband and I recently returned from a lovely honeymoon in Costa Rica to find out that we have to move. We quickly found a great place and will be moved by the end of the month.
Everything fell into place for this move without a hitch so I know it was all for the best. But what about the stuff that doesn’t come together so easily? What about the stuff that drags on – dragging you with it – without a positive end in sight? Is that also for the highest good?
That’s where patience and often a whole lot of faith and trust comes in. Sometimes we swiftly see the outcome of a situation and the reasons it worked out the way it did and other times it’s a much longer and more arduous process. I am trudging through the mud with some how-the-hell-do-I-know-this-will-all-work-out issues in addition to acquiring a fancy new place at lightening speed. Life is not always easy and effortless.
I offered the mantra “everything is moving at the proper speed” to myself and my students. It’s easy to curse the fact that we cannot determine the speed at which things move and their outcome. But what if we decide that everything is in fact progressing just as it should?
As we transition out of summer and into fall in the northern hemisphere, nature reminds us that things happen in perfect timing. The temperature begins to drop, darkness sets in earlier and earlier, and the leaves change color and fall just as they should. Nature does not question timing nor process and neither should we. Think of the seed who must first be buried in darkness in order to sprout up towards the light. Or the caterpillar who literally turns to goo in its cocoon before becoming a beautiful butterfly.
Those moments before transformation are scary and can seem to drag on forever. But if you have ever had to wait for something really good, be it a pose, a person or a purpose, you know that timing is relative and some things are worth it.
The park across the street from my current place – I will miss that view!
I just moved to San Jose from San Diego, where I lived my whole life. I have been here 2 weeks today. Unpacking kept me pretty busy the first week but moving into the second week there has been less to do and more time to not do.
I’ve been reading “Spiritual Growth” by Sanaya Roman. It’s the third in a series and is one of those books that takes awhile for me to read because I read a little and then think about it, and hopefully integrate it into my life in some small way. Last week I read a chapter about the concept of ‘the void.’ She talks about the void being this space in between, where it may seem that you are doing nothing but actually you are doing so much. In the void there is a lot of letting go, expanding and preparing to soar to new heights. The void is about transition and opening up to different possibilities.
This really resonated with me. I am in the void right now. I am not working nor do I quite know what I want to do next. Don’t get me wrong, I do not feel we should identify ourselves by whether or not we are employed and where, but it was a big part of why I was recently feeling unfulfilled. For me, the void is also leaving behind all that I knew: friends, familiarity, family.
It doesn’t always feel that I am doing much on the outside but I am leaving behind a life that wasn’t serving me in some ways. I am allowing that life to fall away so that I can fully embrace whatever is next for me. I’m in a position of extremely good fortune in that I do not have to work or really do anything right away. I can embrace the void and see where it takes me. Trust me, it’s not always comfortable or easy but I am owning and occupying the void. And I am so grateful.
“Not-knowing can be the doorway to true knowing”
“Living in the void can be stimulating, challenging and expansive” 