Vacationing While White

Status

My husband and I recently traveled to Maui with his family. Let me first say that we were there to celebrate with his sister and her husband on 10 years of marriage. It is such a blessing to have family to spend time with and I am always in favor of celebrating love and relationships. That part was wonderful! However, not everything left me feeling settled and satisfied with our travel choices.

The first night we went to a luau. Everyone was excited to be there, drink their first Mai Tai and be together. Our host was lovely and the dancers were fun to watch. But I couldn’t shake or really pinpoint this very uncomfortable feeling I was having. I thought maybe it was because it all felt very rehearsed and showy or maybe I was just tired from the travel. The next day my husband’s aunt made a very astute observation, we were a sea of white folks being entertained by brown people. The feelings from the night before came rushing in again; that was it!

My husband and I both noticed and openly discussed how white our resort was. Resort stays are not really our jam but again we were there with family. We started paying attention to non-white people we saw who did not work for the hotel. In our week stay we didn’t even count a dozen. We got excited when we saw a small group of black ladies but also wondered what it must feel like to be them. They were upbeat and seemed to be having a good time but if we felt weird about how white our resort was, who knows what it was like for them. Although depending on their experiences in the world those ladies might have been all too used to being the only people of color in their sphere.

With white skin I move through the world mostly undetected. Being in the south of India as a rare group of non-Indians was the most I have ever stood out and it was for good reasons. People wanted to take their picture with us and had smiles a mile wide. Traveling as a woman without a man has raised some eyebrows also but nothing too concerning.

I realize Maui brings in a lot of money through tourism and bolsters its economy in this way, but I wonder, is there a better way? The culture is so rich and while we did get little glimpses of that in our interactions, it was mostly hidden or masked by shows and entertainment. We take full responsibility for not doing a ton of research on the best ways to immerse yourself in Hawaiian culture. I think we figured it would be a toes in the sand, drink in hand kind of trip. To some extent that was our experience but we also felt like we missed out by staying in the land of white tourists.

Ultimately, my husband and I are trying to increase our awareness of white privilege and ways we can avoid engaging in blatant displays of said privilege. We certainly don’t have all the answers but we are trying to ask the questions and make decisions accordingly. Where we spend our time and money makes an impact and says a lot about who we are.

This is not meant to be a criticism of anyone who finds this type of trip blissful. Time off from work is precious and not plentiful enough in America which means sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first. But I do think it’s important for white people to question spaces that do not include people of color and/or make it difficult for them to feel included.

Maui holds some nice memories, including time spent with family, but next time we travel we hope to engage a little more closely with the land and the people as well as choose a place that’s more inclusive of all.

A great family shot at the vow renewal

A delicious Italian dinner

My best attempt at an underwater shot while snorkeling with non-profit org Pacific Whale Foundation

Let Go or Be Dragged

Posted on September 30, 2014 by jesalynjae

I’m moving to San Jose.

Those are 5 words I never ever thought I would say. Moving has not been on my radar at all, but this Native San Diegan is taking off for the Bay Area. In the past when I thought about moving, it was always to another country because I couldn’t imagine finding anywhere in the U.S. that I would like better than San Diego. I still think San Diego is pretty rad. It’s where I was born and raised and where all my family lives. But, sometimes the path we think we are on is different from the one we are actually living.

I’ve also been unhappy at my day job for more than a year.

That’s a phrase I have uttered and one that I have felt deep into the core of my being. But I stayed anyway. Why? Fear about sums it up.

Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear that I couldn’t find anything better. Fear that doing what I love wouldn’t pay the bills.

And so when I told a good friend that I was finally going to be able to give my notice she mentioned the Zen saying “let go or be dragged”. My yoga teacher and friend said “this is what will get you out of that job finally!” and countless others commented on how excited I must be to leave.

This upcoming move has left me no choice but to leave a job I have long since felt passionate about, but in turn I will be leaving behind many things I do love. I trust in the process though and I know that this will be a good move and that really I have been asking for this. Feeling stressed, coming home crying on a semi-regular basis and even shedding tears at work wasn’t enough to do it. So here I am with less than 2 weeks left at my job and no plan for what I will do when I get up north. My fiance was offered an amazing job opportunity and will be able to support the family (me, him and the cat) while I get settled.

And still there is fear. I have always worked and live in this paradigm where I have to support myself and bring in income. But, here is an opportunity to get my bearings, figure out what direction I want to go and trust that all will work out perfectly. I have so many passions and a deep desire to share them and so I step into this new journey knowing that I have to give up the life I planned in order to have the life that is waiting for me.

Nyepi: Day of Silence in Bali

Posted on April 24, 2014 by jesalynjae

I recently got back from a trip to Bali, Indonesia to celebrate 5 years of being with my boyfriend. It just so happened that on March 31, which is the day of our anniversary, was a national holiday on the island of Bali. It is called Nyepi and is the Hindu new year. The people in Bali are overwhelmingly Hindu despite the fact that Indonesia as a whole is mostly Muslim. On this day from 6am to 6am the following day everyone stays inside to be with family, pray, meditate and unplug…literally. There is no electricity used after 6pm. The day changes every year so it was very special that it landed on our day of celebration.

The day before there is a parade where statues called Ogoh-ogoh are paraded around the town to music and celebration and then they are burned. These represent demons and evil spirits and are offered as a way to purify humans of any spiritual pollutants. The following day of silence is meant to be a day of reflection as well as follows the folklore that if the whole island is quiet the evil spirits will not find anyone. No one is exempt from the rules of Nyepi and everyone must stay inside including tourists. Some Balinese people fast or meditate on this day, others just stay inside and relax. As one of our taxi drivers told us, “I don’t eat for half the day but then I am hungry.”

Luckily, we were staying in a beautiful hotel so not being able to leave all day was not a problem. The hotel organized some activities including learning to make Balinese treats and making the flower offerings that you see all over the country. It was a nice chance to just relax. I read my book and we spent time by the pool. We ate our hotel dinner by candlelight and went to bed fairly early. That night the stars were AMAZING! I have been camping and summer trips to Lake Powell used to be my favorite time for star gazing, but these were like I had never seen before. So magical!

Bali is a seriously spiritual country and this was clear throughout our trip but especially for Nyepi. The whole country gets quiet in the name of a spiritual experience and to start their year on the right foot. I love that! Their connection to the Divine is clear in everything they do; there are temples and statues of Gods throughout the country. Each house even has a temple where they leave daily offerings of flowers, food and incense.

One of my favorite parts of traveling is seeing the way other people live, love and connect to each other, their beliefs and ways of healing. The Balinese are deeply spiritual, happy people. They live simply and are connected to nature and ritual. I will forever hold my visit to the island of Bali in my heart because of the people, the beauty, and not to mention the fact that the next day I got engaged. But, that’s another post for another day!

Learning how to make Balinese goodies at our hotel

Making an offering for the altar

Beautiful flowers are offered to the Gods

My offering

An ogoh-ogoh in town

An ogoh-ogoh and flower offering outside a local home

Energy Adventures in Ecuador

Posted on March 13, 2014 by jesalynjae

Travel is magical! I love everything about it but it often feels so surreal when I return home. Nothing has changed and everything has changed. Was I really in all of those amazing places or did I dream it all? My boyfriend and I recently created a photo book of our trip to Ecuador and it reminded me of all the wonderful things I experienced there.

I set the intention that my trip would connect me to healing in some way so it was not a big surprise when the first person I met off the plane told me he had been studying Reiki. My host mother was extremely attuned to all things magical and we shared some conversations at the dinner table about life, love and healing that will stay with me always.

I got to experience a cleansing at a marketplace, learn a new form of energy healing and visit some incredibly spiritual places including being at the center of the world on the Equinox. This knowledge and experience continues to shape my work with others and I’m so grateful.

While I believe you can create magical experiences wherever you are, I especially appreciated the fact that energy healing, spirituality and a deep connection to the divine seemed to be the norm in Ecuador. When I told people I was a Reiki master everyone knew what that was. I heard various people talk about the “energy” of a particular place and how it was special or not to be missed. The new technique I trained in is currently called Ama-Deus but was originally known as just “healing” and was taught from an early age in the indigenous tribe and used by all. The marketplace cleansing was traditionally for infants and young children and was a normal occurrence experienced by most.

Sometimes it feels like here in the US we have lost our connection to spirit, but I know most people are deeply affected by this when given permission to bring it back into their lives. I feel that it is part of my path and my great honor to support others to find the magic in their everyday lives by tapping into spirituality, energy and ceremony. We all have the power to access the divine and in turn our very best self, it just sometimes gets forgotten or a little lost.

As I prepare for my next adventure, I am excited with all the possibilities of new experiences to come. I just found out I will be celebrating my 5 year anniversary in Bali, a deeply spiritual place. My boyfriend kept this trip a secret (how I will never know!) and we leave 2 weeks from today. Here’s to seeking adventure afar but also in our own backyard.

Marketplace cleansing. Unfortunately there are no photos capturing the part where she spit in my face. I was surprised for sure!

Magic forest in Cajas National Park outside of Cuenca

El Chorro de Giron waterfall after a very challenging hike

Equinox ceremony at La Mitad del Mundo

Fairy tree in Tena

Creativity and Collaboration

Posted on December 20, 2013 by jesalynjae

Creativity and collaboration have been my words for 2013. They came to me as I was reflecting on the year 2012 and starting to tap into how I wanted to feel in the new year. I had no idea what it would look like but I knew I deeply needed both of these things in my life. The adventure that has unfolded has been an amazing one. I can honestly say I am glad I had no idea what a year of creativity and collaboration would look like. The best part of the journey is watching it unfold and if you had told me what I would do this year I wouldn’t have believed you anyway!

Creativity

My year started with my 30th birthday which I spent painting at a ceramics studio with friends. I used to do this all the time with a childhood friend but somewhere along the lines I became more and more self conscious about doing it right and not being artistic enough. I went to New Hampshire (my first ever solo travel as an adult) to take a workshop on playing the harmonium, which I have been doing ever since. I launched my own business website and starting blogging as well as moved into a new office space. I was featured on KPBS for the work that I have done with Laughter Yoga in the mental health system. My band had their first gig where I got to try out my leading lady skills; they’re a little shaky but it was SO much fun. I traveled in Ecuador for a month where I stayed with a host family and studied Spanish. To me travel is the ultimate in exercising your creativity when you do it right! I took additional courses in energy healing, meditation and angel card reading as well as taught my own Reiki class to a lovely group of healers. I completed my 200 hour yoga teacher training with my first yoga teacher ever. I got upside down for the first time in my 13 year rarely consistent asana practice for some rad perspectives on life and love.

Collaboration

I have connected with some incredible people this year and even when looking back on things that didn’t work out exactly how I had planned, I know that everything is perfect! I was fortunate enough to collaborate with several people through harmonium. I played in as many yoga classes and events as I could and loved the warm welcome that I received when offering to play and sing for folks. I navigated a move and some family drama with my partner that made us stronger as a team and made me love him even more. I joined a group of lovely women in a new moon healing circle and reveled in setting intention with group support and love. I planned a therapy group with a dear friend and while the group did not take off this year, we created an amazing bond that has helped me beyond measure. We supported each other in building our businesses this year and laughed and cried about life and love. I also have been working with another sweet friend on creating a community for mothers and babies. This project also did not launch in the way we originally expected but we have kept the vision alive and I am fully expecting it to blossom next year. This friend has also been such a beacon of beautiful light in my life; she is always sending me lovely words of support right when I need them. This year also came with a letting go of a vision to create a non-profit and open a healing center with a business partner. Perhaps rather than a letting go, it has been more of a not now and not in this way. I worked with some incredible women in my yoga teacher training and know that this just opened the door to the beginning of ongoing collaboration with one another. It may appear that I had more failure than success in this avenue this year but for every project that fell flat, in it’s place is a mutually supporting, loving and nurturing relationship. And, THAT is what it’s all about.

I am feeling a little melancholy about saying goodbye to this year but I am excited to bring in 2014. My words for this new year are Power and Balance. I can’t wait to see how they play out!

El Colibrí de Alegría

Posted on October 13, 2013 by jesalynjae

There are 132 different types of hummingbirds in Ecuador. Since I have been back from my month long trip there I have seen one or two everyday. On my first day back to my day job I was looking longingly out the window during our morning meeting, honestly wishing I wasn’t there, when I saw a sweet little hummingbird outside. It made me smile and remember my great trip and all the joy and freedom I felt while I was gone. But, being back didn’t yet feel joyful and free. I have a great life with a lot to be thankful and joyful for but I was still focusing on the desire to be back on my trip. Anytime we are gone experiencing a new and different culture, coming back is an adjustment. In reality, we come back to a new version of our world seen through the eyes of all of our new experiences. The hummingbird was there to remind me to be joyful in this moment, to be present. These little birds now find me while I am out walking, leaving my place for the day or in moments where I need this reminder.

Hummingbirds represent joy, specifically finding the joy in what we do each moment. Their flying abilities are not rivaled in any other species of birds, they are fast, agile and daring. They remind us to grab joy while we can, as quickly as we can, and that if we are truly enjoying what we do we become light enough to fly.

Image by: Ama White Owl http://amawhiteowl.wordpress.com/

The School of Life is Now in Session

Posted on September 3, 2013 by jesalynjae

I believe that we are all students in the school of life and we were placed here on Earth in this body to learn certain lessons. The good and the bad of it is that if you do not learn the lesson the first, fifth, or hundredth time, you have to take the class again. I also believe certain lessons continue to show up when they are very important or perhaps when you just need a refresher course. I am traveling in Ecuador and studying Spanish for a month and the lessons are abundant.

There are no coincidences: This one has come up for me a lot lately and I am grateful every time because I often need reminders. All things happen in perfect timing. The first person I met when I got off the plane told me he has been studying Reiki. I am a Reiki master/teacher and this felt like the coolest wink and hug from the universe. The woman where I am staying is just amazing and was the perfect person to come into my life. She embodies all that I have been studying over the past few years. We have talked about things like enjoying the moment by staying in the present, trusting that everything will work out and enjoying the flow of life. Every time we talk, she is telling me something that I have been working on and that has come to be a part of my everyday life. It’s like a review of all my life classes over the last few years.

Water is healing: This is a reccurring theme in my life as well. Just before I left I was going to a weekly yoga class by the water and it was amazing. Here in Cuenca, there are 4 rivers that run through the city. One of them is near my school and I walk by it everyday. There is simply something that is so peaceful about the water; it always brings a smile to my face. To me it represents the flow of life and that the only certainty we have, is change.

Enjoy each moment: Mindfulness is something that I try to work on in my everyday life but I think is especially important when you are experiencing a new culture. There are extraordinary things even in the ordinary moments of life and travel. My host mom exemplified this perfectly on the first day when she was walking me to school. We were walking and talking and she stopped in her tracks to admire a flower in bloom. She said something to the effect of “how beautiful! That wasn’t there before” and it was such a nice reminder to take the time to notice things in life.

It’s not always necessary to eat the minute you feel hungry: Here in Ecuador the biggest meal is lunch. I have traveled other places where that is the case and I really enjoy it. I found when I first arrived that I was feeling pretty hungry by the time lunch arrived (served in the home where I am staying about 1 or 1:30) But, I really enjoyed each bite by the time I ate lunch. I realized that at home I am often rushing to eat as soon as I feel hungry or often times even before I am actually hungry. I don’t think there is anything wrong with feeling hungry for a little bit, it means you are alive and your stomach is working as it should. And, as I have experienced it makes the food that you do eat so much better instead of mindlessly eating something just because you think you need to.

Your personal bubble is not as necessary as you think: I have noticed in Latin America there is much less emphasis on maintaining your personal space. People here kiss on the cheek to say hello to friends and people they have just met (I LOVE this) and you will often find someone will sit right next to you when there are other seats nearby. People tend to stand closer than you might be used to as well. At first it can be a bit strange when people from the US will think twice about sitting next to a stranger on a bench and guys try their hardest to keep a seat in between each other at the movie theater. But, ultimately you end up sharing more experiences this way. Our perception of a personal bubble is keeping us from connecting with others.

Travel the way the locals do: This one is important to me when I go somewhere new. I think you learn a lot about the people and the culture when you take their public transportation. It is not always as comfortable or as easy as getting a guide or going the tourist route but it is worth the experience.

Let go of your plans: I love making plans way ahead of time. I love putting things on my calendar and waiting with excitement and anticipation. I am a planner in my real life but when you are traveling many times you have to abandon your plans. It is totally fine to make plans but be prepared for the great possibility that they won’t always work out. Sometimes the greatest adventures happen when your plans don’t work out.

Health and wellness is a growing trend everywhere: The city where I am staying places great emphasis on exercise and heath. They have created parks with workout equipment and dedicated trails for runners, walkers and bikers. These parks also hold classes that are free or very affordable for the people of the city. Just like in the US, Ecuador has been having a problem with people who are not active enough and their health is affected as a result. Being that I am in the health and wellness business it is really refreshing to see such emphasis on this. It is entertaining and heart warming to hear the music of the exercise classes early in the morning and to see folks getting together later at night to run, jog, dance, walk or bike. I was also able to find a yoga class led by a couple who moved here from the US.

Stay open to the life lessons that are coming your way. Do you continue to be enrolled in the same class but never do the homework or pass the test? For me traveling continues to open my mind and provide me with amazing life lessons. Where do you get your best lessons?

Self-care and Vision Boards

Posted on April 30, 2013 by jesalynjae

I called in sick on Monday…

I work part time for a psychiatric hospital and lately I have felt like I am constantly fighting some illness off. I was attributing echinacea and green juice for keeping me from getting sick but I was also getting a little resentful of my body. “Why won’t you just stay well!?” It was feeling, and still is to some extent, like I was always going to battle with my body. I was determined for my mind and energy to win out. I know I have been more stressed at work lately and that is never a good recipe for staying healthy. There have been several days that I wanted to stay home but felt guilty or obligated to go in. I took a good look at those feelings and realized that was not contributing to my wellness either. Guilt and obligation are pretty low ranking on the vibrational scale. So, I took the day off to rest and take care of myself.

I made a vision board!!! I got some construction paper, magazines, scissors and a glue stick and went to town to set intention for what I want in life. The universe is always listening so I set aside the stress, guilt and obligation and opened my mind and body to all the abundance I know is already mine. With the help from some inspiration on manifesting from Carmen Marshall I set out to get clear about what I want. Carmen talks a bit about this but I also incorporated the brilliant teachings of Danielle LaPorte in not only setting goals for things you want in life but most importantly focusing on how you want to FEEL!

My vision board turned out quite nicely and I sure had fun making it. I haven’t figured out where I will display it yet but I look forward to the daily reminder to take action on what I want and how I want to feel. I’m actually feeling it already…. 🙂

Harmonium Happiness

Posted on April 23, 2013 by jesalynjae

Meet my beautiful, new harmonium! I felt like a kid in a candy store (or really just me as an adult in a candy store) ordering and excitedly waiting for this baby. It was September of 2012 that I first thought I might like to sing and play the harmonium. It came to me in a meditation and for about a week I was obsessed with the thought of buying one and learning to play. Seeing that they are fairly expensive I decided to meditate on whether I should just go ahead and buy one. The answer was clearly “NO, not right now”. I have to admit I asked a few times and each time the answer was no. “Really universe? But, I am ready now!” I decided to honor this, trust and just let it go. Just a few weeks later I reconnected with my very first yoga instructor and starting watching the kids in the yoga childcare in exchange for yoga. Her space is so welcoming and wonderful I knew it was a good fit when I got there but then I looked over and saw that she had a harmonium and a huge smile came across my face.

“You have a harmonium!?!”

“Yes” she says “you can play it anytime you like”

I never did play it because frankly I didn’t know much about how to play and was a little intimidated. It was still on my mind a bit and I liked a few pages on Facebook to keep myself in the loop on all things kirtan. Fast forward to January of this year when I saw a Facebook post about an organization called The Call and Response Foundation. They were giving away a scholarship to a kirtan retreat in New Hampshire with harmonium lessons included! I was at work and immediately sent off this email.

“My name is Jesalyn and I am a health care practitioner in San Diego. I do individual psychotherapy focused on mind-body integration. I am also a reiki master and do Healing Touch (both hands-on energy healing). I teach laughter yoga and my goal is to learn more about herbal medicine this year. I pride myself in offering a holistic perspective to wellness. I also happen to be a singer. I have sang all my life mostly for fun but also in weddings, for banquet events and now in the past year have started singing with a band. I hid my singing talent for the most part only letting it come out when prompted but I was shy. I never tell my clients that I sing or use it in a healing way.

Just last year I started considering learning to play the harmonium or rather it called to me in a meditation! I really looked into buying one but wanted to make sure it was the right thing since they are expensive. I have a non-profit in its beginning stages aimed at bringing healing modalities to all people especially those with trouble accessing them. My business partner is a yoga instructor and I had the vision of us bringing yoga and chanting to the masses in San Diego. I am finally ready to use my voice for healing and inspiration and I would absolutely love to attend this conference. I am familiar with call and response and have experienced it in yoga and at yoga festivals. It is truly moving to me and I would love to learn to share this with others. Please consider me for your scholarship. Thank you in advance for your consideration. Much love and light!”

I figured my chances were slim but I was contacted almost right away and offered the scholarship! I had just received a gift card to southwest for my birthday and that covered most of my plane ticket. I couldn’t believe how effortless it all came together but then again that effortlessness was the key to knowing it was the exact thing I needed. It was the most amazing and life changing weekend. It felt as if every moment of my life led me to that weekend and those moments singing and dancing and learning harmonium. And while I truly believe all things happen for a reason and in perfect timing, I actually felt this to my core like I have with only a few other things. I met some amazing people who unfortunately all live on the East Coast, thank goodness for Facebook!

So, I returned with the harmonium bug and before I knew it I had found one on eBay and it was headed my way. I haven’t even had it a week but it was love at first site and I can’t wait to learn more. I did not originally intend to write about all the serendipitous events that led me to my shiny new toy but I think it needed to get out and so again, all is perfect!

Jesalyn Eatchel, LCSW

Healing for mind, body and spirit

Category Archives: Travel